Italian chemist Luigi Garlaschelli and his team used the same type of linen. First they aged the cloth with heat, using a normal oven, and washing it with water. The shroud was placed over a student covered in red ochre, using a mask that simulated Jesus' alleged physiognomy. They kept aging and washing the shroud, adding the necessary blood stains in the process.

This easy to do, inexpensive one-week process resulted in exactly the same look as the Shroud of Turin, which has been repeatedly proven to be a fake made around the 14th Century using different dating techniques.

Would this convince the believers? Garlaschelli says he doubt it:

Many still believe that the shroud has unexplainable characteristics that cannot be reproduced by human means. But the result obtained clearly indicates that this could be done with the use of inexpensive materials and with a quite simple procedure.

If they don't want to believe carbon dating done by some of the world's best laboratories they certainly won't believe me.

Indeed Luigi, indeed. These people won't take scientific proof that the relic is fake because they just like to do the Mulder and want to believe. Now, go back to kill Koopa Troopas and Goombas after killing God yet one more time. I'm going to pull a Nietzsche and find myself a linen cloth to try. [BBC and Daily Mail]

P.S. Jesus may be alive today, but I'll be back on Thursday.

Notice something familiar? Our lovely tipster Erin tells us it was exhibited near works by Eckhart Hahn, but she's not sure that it was actually by him. The back, unfortunately, didn't have an Apple logo.

Best of all, Erin snapped this with her iPhone. [Thanks Erin!]

Usually, Obama tosses in a mention or two about how important technology is, but today, we really see what he plans to do. He pledges to have broadband internet access available to all Americans, and promises to bring networked access to every doctor's office, public school, and hospital. Part of Obama's economic recovery plan will go directly to modernizing public hospitals, first and foremost to digitize all medical records.

He does leave out certain important concepts, most importantly how he's going to pay for all this, and I'm unclear on how exactly he plans to force ISPs into reaching into parts of the country where they can't turn a profit. What do you guys think? [Change.gov]

In addition, Mary and Joseph were equipped with GPS and the entire family was encased in plexiglass to avoid future theft by godless heathens. Now Ricky Bobby can rest easy knowing that little baby Jesus is safe in his manger watchin' the Baby Einstein videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. [AP via Chicago Tribune]

Jesus on a Cell Tower [Crunchgear]

As you can see in the picture, portraits of Our Lord and Savior, which look like they were lifted from every scene in The Da Vinci Code, grace each and every bandage. These "designer bandages" (would Jesus approve of his face being used to sell trinkets?) might not heal you any faster, but then again, did he ever think that people would be promoting his name in sports arena with rock music blaring?

In any event, you can grab these spiritually fulfilling bandages for $4.95 per tin. Be on the lookout for Archie McPhee-branded indulgences this fall. – Nicholas Deleon

Jesus Bandages [Archie McPhee via productdose.com]

Now you can brand the face of the Lamb of God on sandwiches, pancakes, or even your ass. It'll be almost as good as turning water into wine. Get two pans for $29.99 and spread the good news. – Charlie White

Product Page [Jesuspan.com, via productdose]