Gizmodo: jokes

Joking Computer Puns at a Sixth-Grade Level

Brian Barrett — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:06:41 EST

It gets boring this time of year in Scotland. That's what I assume, anyway, knowing that scientists in Aberdeen have developed software to turn a computer into a cold pun machine. Some of the jokes are funny! Most are not.

The software was originally written to help children with cerebral palsy develop language skills. Somewhere along the line the developers seem to have gotten a wee bit sidetracked, and so the Joking Computer was born. Let's see what it's got:

Q: What do you call a cross between a bun and a character?
A: A minor roll.

Q: What kind of temperature is a son?
A: A boy-ling point.

Q: What kind of tree is nauseated?
A: A sick-amore.

Hey, that last one's not half bad! But if I wanted to hear mediocre jokes based on formulaic word play, I'd probably just watch Leno. Bah-DING. [The Joking Computer via PhysOrg]

INFLU: The Flu Collector™

John Herrman — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 11:11:49 EST

Swine flu: do you have it yet? No? Well why not? You need to get yourself an INFLU mask, stat.

The INFLU is like any of the others masks the paranoid public is wearing to combat H1N1, except that it's not for total pussies:

Plan your sickness, develop antibodies for the flu and strengthen your immune system the natural way. The INFLU flu collector mask increases the prospect of getting the Swine flu (H1N1) as well as the regular seasonal flu with several hundred percent.

Your planned immunity comes by way of a battery-powered fan, which "increases the intake of viruses in ambient air through the respiratory system."

There is no flaw with this: the plan, or the joke. [INFLU via Nerdcore via Neatorama]

Things Easier to Understand Than Google Wave: Metaphysics, Parseltongue, Our Own Existence

Dan Nosowitz — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 13:45:00 EDT

Don't understand Google Wave, even after Google's helpful video and Lifehacker's review? You're not alone: Some jokester created a site where users vote on how confusing Wave really is. Interestingly, while death is easier to understand, women are far harder.

Some of the items are pretty clever, from super esoteric scientific theories (the Meyer-Overton Hypothesis) to political jabs (the healthcare bill, Obama's Nobel Prize). But was it really necessary to embed a ringtone version of an Avril Lavigne song? [Easier to Understand]

Geeze Giz, Enough Is Enough!

Mark Wilson — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:30:00 EDT

Hey guys. Mark here—not some weird Russian spam advertisement. I just wanted to acknowledge that sometimes jokes aren't funny to everyone, even on holidays. And if you want to filter our coverage, here's how:

Please provide us with the following information...

Full Name
Address
Social Security #
Bank Routing Number
Country of Residence
Telephone Number
Mother's Maiden Name
Date You Lost Your Virginity
Rough Sketch of Your Fingerprint
High Resolution Iris Scan Image

Thanks guys.

- Mark

Really Bored Dude Camouflages Self as Paper, Bags and Boxes at an Ikea Store

Adrian Covert — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 21:00:00 EST

Some people would file this exercise in camouflage under performance art. Others would suggest this guy has too much time on his hands. I say, why can't it be both?

This belongs to a series called Urban Camouflage, and the stunt aims to solve the mystery of disguising oneself in an urban space. I can certainly respect the high-mindedness behind the idea, but I refuse to believe the artist didn't do it part just to screw around and be a jackass (0:45 into the video is especially great). Be sure to check out more photos and video over at [Urban Camouflage via Boing Boing via Prefix]

Church of Google's Deity Knows All About Your Shameful Search History

Adam Frucci — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 10:50:00 EST

Don't worry you two guys who got your panties in a twist yesterday, this is most definitely a joke. But hey, they make some good arguments.

Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.

I always try to follow Google's laws. She holds all my emails, after all. [The Church of Google via The Daily What]

Sonic Nausea Makes Your Prank Victims Sick, Literally

Adam Frucci — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 16:40:00 EST

Nothing says hilarity like making somebody else physically ill. That's the idea behind Sonic Nausea, a tiny device that makes people sick to their stomach when they're within it's range.

You simply plug the little thing into a 9-volt battery and then it pumps out "ultra-high frequency soundwaves which soon leads most in its vicinity to queasiness." While I'm not quite sure about whether or not soundwaves can make you sick to your stomach, this is the perfect way to get back at your boss, annoying neighbor or pregnant girlfriend/unborn child. The possibilities are endless, really. [Product Page via BB Gadgets]

Toilet Paper Puzzle Makes Pooping Even More Frustrating

Adam Frucci — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 10:45:00 EDT

Nothing says hilarity like forcing the more dim-witted of your friends to endure skidmarks and dingleberries by putting a puzzle on your toilet paper roll. Boy, you sure are a jokester! You really have an eye for when puzzles and trickery are appropriate and for when they clearly aren't! A toast, to you! [Product Page via NerdApproved]

Google Maps Catches Sophisticated High School Football Field Prank

Jason Chen — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 20:30:31 EST

There's not much to add to this other than "ha ha, you got penis'ed", but we're somewhat curious as to how this thing went down. Was this a prank from a rival school? Was it self-inflicted? Is this their mascot? (Go Fighting Wangs!) Is it still there? We suppose it's pretty apropos that the school is located on Shaft Road. [Google Maps - Thanks Daniel!]

Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling's Own Line of Calculators

Jason Chen — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 16:20:31 EST

As if Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling hasn't sold out enough in the years subsequent to him being let go from the Howard Stern Show, he's now put his name and likeness on a series of household gadgets.

Among them, Jackie's Talking Comedy Calculator (pictured above), which is apparently designed to keep you entertained while you figure out how screwed you are in taxes this year. So when are we going to officially take out the "Man" from his name and just call him Jackie "The Joke" Martling? – Jason Chen

Excalibur Delivers Line of "Joke Man" Products: Inner Clown Dies [Crunchgear]

Talking Tombstone, You Know, For Dead Jokesters

Travis Hudson — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 16:36:36 EDT

You may be dead, but that doesn't mean the hijinks need to stop. The Talking Tombstone is quite possibly the most distasteful and tacky addition to any dead person's repertoire, but, oh man, it could be funny.

Cheer up, you silly mourners, and listen to my deceased voice insult your mother from beyond the grave. This tombstone will set you—or your life insurance company—back $5,000. But that isn't too bad considering you are getting the last word, for all eternity. Oh ho!– Travis Hudson

Product Page [Via Coolest-Gadgets]