During last night's Super Bowl, millions watched as Kate Upton stepped out of a bathtub, donned battle armor and escaped a crumbling stronghold on horseback. The game she's advertising is nowhere near as exciting.
By now you've heard about the massive cache of nude photos that internet scumbags stole from a number of female celebrities. Now, researchers are learning more about how the perv-hackers may have done it: using a password-cracking software designed for police, but available online to anyone who seeks it.
Sports Illustrated had a wonderful idea: Demonstrate how zero gravity works on muscular and fat body masses by putting Kate Upton in a bikini and taking her in a parabolic flight.
Behold the pinnacle of human invention. Sports Illustrated had the fantastic idea to shoot supermodel Kate Upton into the sky and then film her while she floated around in a bikini. Now we all know what Kate Upton looks like at Zero-G in a swimsuit. The answer, unsurprisingly, is great.
Take Biz Markie’s “Just a Friend.” Change the song so that it's about Hot Pockets, and then get Snoop Dogg and Kate Upton to perform it. Add lots of pot and Minecraft references, and throw in some other cameos in there for good measure.
This is a really sad story—the tragic existence of Kate Upton. You see, Kate is so poor that she can't afford any clothing except one tiny bikini. Day after day, Kate wanders through the beach, lying down on the sand, with nothing to eat except the occasional raw lobster, which she hunts with her bare hands.