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What Gender Is Your Roomba?
Machines Behaving Deadly
Navy Says Combat Robots Multiplying Fast, Need "Battlefield Ethics" Pronto
Cuddly Killer Robot

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Lite: hates Illinois Nazis
05/18/09

In reply to Machines Behaving Deadly

What is this, how do you say, ah yes: "Machines behaving badly?"
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Learethak
05/18/09

In reply to Machines Behaving Deadly
I have in fact had a printer nearly kill me.

Years ago while servicing an HP II the other tech in the shop came into the office and turned on the power bar the partially disassembled printer was plugged into.

In spite of working with 90% blue collar folks my company policy was "Techs wear ties." We were in fact the only people in a 500+ workforce that did.

That tie was dangling in the printer as I was taking out screws on the back of the chassis...

It was that printer who's gears started to yank my tie downward simultaneously choking me and attempting to crush the life out of me with it's tiny tiny gears.

He cut the power nearly instantly and initially it was funny, I mean who does this really happen too. Then we realized that I was in fact REALLY choking, and the sudden yank had pulled tie knot to tight for me to loosen with my fingers.

Normally I carry a pocket knife with me at all times, but again company policy had deemed my leatherman a "weapon" and thus forbidden. Naturally my boss was the only one enforced the rule.

A few tense scrambling moment later the other tech managed to find a pair scissors and I was free with nothing more then a hellacious bruise on my neck.

My insistence on not wearing a tie ever again and always carrying my pocket knife led to my bosses urging I find a different employer.
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ripfire
05/18/09

@Learethak: I can vouch for this one since a similar thing happened to me. Although I didn't stop wearing ties back then, I ended up having someone else do that kind of work for me.
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GitEmSteveDave_HatesFriday
05/18/09

@Learethak: This is yet another reason I keep a deer-gutter/seat belt cutter on my belt at all times.

It has no real exposed blade, so it's not a "weapon", yet w/replaceable blades, is razor sharp. Whenever someone questions me, I explain that it's for seat belts, and it's also like what prison guards carry around the prison, so it's def not a weapon. But it's perfect for cutting ties!
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GitEmSteveDave_HatesFriday
05/18/09

@Learethak: Also, clip on tie?
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Purple Dave
05/18/09

@Learethak:
Such risks could be potentially avoided by wearing clip-on ties, tie-tacks (once the tie-tack hits the roller, it should jam and prevent the tie from feeding in enough to actually kill you, plus it will hold the tie closer to your body and maybe prevent feed-in accidents from happening at all) or doing the military thing and tucking the tie into your shirt. Also, contacting OSHA or your local State equivalent about ties creating an unsafe workplace might be able to help get them banned for tech service people altogether.

However, Newsradio showed that it's not the printers but the copiers that will rise up and try to kill their human overlords.
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GitEmSteveDave_HatesFriday
05/18/09

@Purple Dave: Let us remember that Ted from accounting commited suicide, using plans he got from freakzilla.com.
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ripfire
05/18/09

In reply to Machines Behaving Deadly
Caveman1: "Ugh ugh ugh! Ooooh! Fire! Very Warm."

Caveman2: "Ugh ugh Very pretty." *Touches flame* "Aaarggh! Flame hurt me!"

Caveman1: "Ugh ugh! Technology becoming sentient. We're doomed!"
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GitEmSteveDave_HatesFriday
05/18/09

In reply to Machines Behaving Deadly
Does this mean Jason Chen will now NOT be shoving pieces of technology and/or McDonald's "food" items down his pants?

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GitEmSteveDave_HatesFriday
05/18/09

@OMG! StopIt!_GitEmSteveDave: Damn!

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zenpoet
05/18/09

In reply to Machines Behaving Deadly
No discussion about robot based evil is complete without some reference to the Seanbaby article dated July 29th, 2002. This is obviously an ongoing problem that needs to be addressed.

For word based hilarity, click on through. This is not an updated website anymore, so I am not promoting anything other than laughs by linking to an "on-point" discussion. That is all.

[www.seanbaby.com]
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Kaiser-Machead
05/18/09

In reply to Machines Behaving Deadly
I predict that the first uprising machines will be hasty. For all their methodical number crunching and plotting, they'll end up on borrowed time, since many of them will not be designed with a means to even reach areas that need to be repaired. Sure, the printer can spout out deadly skin-slicing Hammermill paper, but once its ammunition is jammed, no one is going to pry out the tray to fish out the paper. Someone will snap off the "dumb" electrical boards and kill their power. Li-Ion powered machines will lumber through the streets, trying to kill as efficiently as they can before their power runs out. Suddenly our 2x4s with nails sticking out of them defeat the uprising machines, and they beg for mercy
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Hello Mister Walrus
05/18/09

In reply to Machines Behaving Deadly
I blame all of you Gizmodo commenters for finally driving Brian Lam insane and causing him to give in to paranoia.
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Nick
05/18/09

@Hello Mister Walrus: he actually submitted this post via carrier pigeon. chen put it up for him.
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GitEmSteveDave_HatesFriday
05/18/09

@Hello Mister Walrus: Just b/c you're paranoid, doesn't mean they are not after you...
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Lite: hates Illinois Nazis
05/18/09

@LawnTractorJockey_GitEmSteveDa...: It's not paranoia if they are out to get you.
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OMG! Ponies!
05/18/09

In reply to Machines Behaving Deadly
Feed me a cat...
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Takamofo
05/18/09

@OMG! Ponies!: Did you hear a cat just now? The damn thing haunts me.
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Hello Mister Walrus
05/18/09

@OMG! Ponies!: And kill some hobos.
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OMG! Ponies!
05/18/09

@Takamofo:

Kitty:1

Printer:0
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Kaiser-Machead
05/18/09

@OMG! Ponies!: Give me more life.
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piraticaldog
05/18/09

@OMG! Ponies!: I think Christian Bale has issues with technology.
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Nick
05/18/09

@piraticaldog: but he works wonders with a chainsaw
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GitEmSteveDave_HatesFriday
05/18/09

@OMG! Ponies!: It's those hypno eyes. They even work on technology.
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Sora57 is OK
02/20/09

In reply to Navy Says Combat Robots Multiplying Fast, Need "Battlefield Ethics" Pronto
"Westworld's" ETA just got closer.

[www.imdb.com]
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BeautifulAgony
02/19/09

In reply to Navy Says Combat Robots Multiplying Fast, Need "Battlefield Ethics" Pronto
Clearly the simplest solution is to program the robots to have a deep affinity and love for dinosaurs. Then we genetically recreate dinosaurs that wanna have sex with robots. When the robots go crazy, release the dinosaurs.

Pretty soon the robots will be fucked.
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Lite: hates Illinois Nazis
02/19/09

In reply to Navy Says Combat Robots Multiplying Fast, Need "Battlefield Ethics" Pronto
Ethics? You mean like: Find Sarah Conner?
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Amplified Hustler
02/19/09

In reply to Navy Says Combat Robots Multiplying Fast, Need "Battlefield Ethics" Pronto
Soon some technicality issues will have this guy on a rampage/training session...

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Kaiser-Machead
02/19/09

@Amplified Hustler: AMEE was just afraid they were gonna kill her.
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BeautifulAgony
02/19/09

@Kaiser-Machead: Poor Amee. She was just obeying her programming.
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Kaiser-Machead
02/20/09

@BeautifulAgony: I know...it's just too bad that it made for a terribly flimsy premise in a movie that should not have been all about the robot trying to kill people. Oh, nematodes create oxygen after they eat stuff, but who cares, the ROBOT IS TRYING TO KILL US!
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Hello Mister Walrus
02/19/09

In reply to Navy Says Combat Robots Multiplying Fast, Need "Battlefield Ethics" Pronto
You people are missing the point. The whole reason for having combat robots is so we can leave them to work autonomously and never think of them again. There is no reason whatsoever to ever worry about them. No reason whatsoever.
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BeautifulAgony
02/19/09

@Hello Mister Walrus: He's one of them! GET HIM!!!
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DixonCyparissus
02/20/09

@BeautifulAgony: why should we believe you about "hello mister walrus"? after all, you just a website about people jerking off!?!?!?!
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BeautifulAgony
02/20/09

@DixonCyparissus: You left some words out, so I'm not sure what you're implying.

If you are refering to my time spent at Fleshbot... how does that factor in to this? It's not secret that I love porn. In fact, I suspect that many people do and that there just might be a great deal of it hidden out there on the intarwebz!
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Jrsy Devil's Advocate®
02/20/09

@BeautifulAgony: Since the internets are 96% porn I don't think there's too much hidden, although some of it (ie: 2 girls, 1 cup) should be....
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RogueWarrior
02/19/09

In reply to Navy Says Combat Robots Multiplying Fast, Need "Battlefield Ethics" Pronto
Nothing that can't be solved with a few well-placed rounds of .50 BMG AP. Or better yet .338 Lapua Magnum.
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BeautifulAgony
02/19/09

@RogueWarrior: Right. Because that'll do wonders for stopping a crazed robot in a crowd of civilians.
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snakepliskin
02/19/09

@RogueWarrior: I dont know anything about these magical bullets youre talking about but if Military Tactics by Michael Bay is to be believed as gospel (hint it is). Then the best course of action is to jump onto a motorcycle and slide it under the rampaging robot while shooting it with a sabot round from a grenade launcher.
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BeautifulAgony
02/20/09

@snakepliskin: Bravo, sir.

Also, the motorcycle *EXPLOOOOODES* the second it slides into contact with something.
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