It's not a job offer packet, it's a new hire kit... as was already pointed out below. But I knew before seeing that that it wasn't a "job offer" because Apple doesn't offer anybody work; you offer to work for them.
Enclosed you will find directions to the nearest reality distortion field generator, we ask that you begin making your way there now while continuing to read the contents of this packet.
Once there you will be given a robe and shoes with velcro fasteners. You will then be led into the hall that contains the distortion field generator, you should sit in this hall and quietly reflect on your undying love for Steve Jobs, the distortion generator will over time, at this close proximity, open your mind to the power that is the jobs. You will eventually hear him speaking to you through space and time. Follow his instructions, for he shall orient you to our ways.
Once this is complete, please report to HR for an explanation of benefits, don't forget your SS card and at least one other form of photo-ID.
Please be advised of our printing policy, no more than 0.001pL of Ink/Toner may be used per page (both sides included), this policy is strictly enforced.
Yes this is definitely a welcome packet for new hires... trust me I know, I worked there. At first many employees work for a temp related position through a third party group like Volt (technical services), and when you are hired on full time after about 6 months of slaving away with no benefits and less pay, you get one of these beauties or you get a "see ya later, re-apply for a new position after 6 months". It is funny, but it is actually a slick looking packet with HR stuff in it. I was stoked to get mine. I loved working for Apple.
@joestoner: you're obviously Awesome, but: These where the professional ones back in the day when I worked for them. It may have spread and mine looked slightly different from this but I don't remember my friends who ended up going to retail getting these.
This is totally fake. The real ones are delivered by albino falcons all the way from Cupertino. Bound in silk red ribbon and protected from prying eyes by powerful magicks. Written in the blood of newborn doves on paper which has been hand-pressed by virgin slaves in a secret warehouse under Hawaii.
Most companies will send you an information package with information about 401k matching and your health benefits.
Apple, Inc., however, likes to "think different". There is no 401k or health insurance paperwork because we have decided not to offer it to you.
It just seems to be more intuitive that way. We hope to see you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on Monday. And, like our wonderfully designed products, you "just work".
When I worked for Apple I had a 401k and Health Insurance. And this was at the damn retail store. You just have to be willing to swallow your own opinion if it doesn't stir the kool aid. and accept the fact that you'll get fired.
I'm most interested in that osmosis patch that comes in the packet. Word is that it contains some kind of diluted neurotoxin, developed from Jobs' pheromones. The upshot of which is that it makes you very calm and complacent, which is essential when he's on his yelling sprees.
One thing I've found interesting about the Pre is how it searches. I have a friend who has one hyphen in his first name and another in his last name. I
f I start typing his name into a blank screen (bringing up universal search), I get his contact information like any other person on my phone.
However, if I go to the messaging app, open a new message and start typing his name, it will say there is no results unless I only use the first letter of his name. If I type in two letters, I don't get any results. I found that odd.
Also, I've read that the ability to save images from the web is coming in this update! That's one I was looking forward to.
One day, I might actually get a Pre. When it has a decent app store, more memory, a real virtual keyboard, video recorder, and is on either Verizon or AT&T, but by then, the iPhone might have multitasking and I won't want it any more. :)
@Chris: Yeah I know. If you're not following, I was just pointing out the oxymoron. it sounded funny. Even though it wasn't a "real" one. Commenters get so uptight around here.
@Lizard_King: Actually, it rather sucks... You can only Copy/Paste within text boxes you're inputting. You can't copy/paste from web pages, other's texts, or even old texts from yourself...
I really hope they fix this, and I hope they enable the ability to forward text messages... I have a ton of funny texts sent to me and I can't forward them to anyone else... =(
Palm seems to have been forgotten already although I wish they had picked up more traction with the Pre release. We're doing some development here for the Pre and it's a very nice phone and system to work with. I just don't see it picking up enough to really be a true competitor.
@imTheKing: I agree, I own one and had hoped the excitement would continue along and carry WebOS on phones on all carriers. Much like Android, I'm surprised multiple units aren't flooding the markets. It's only been 3 months though.
The development aspect is one that is bothering me - I expected a bit more software. If a company wants to develop an "app", and they only have resources to develop one, they will develop for the iPhone (which has the largest install base of any platform). Likewise, a customer that has a Pre may be less inclined to buy an app if he is not sure he will use the same platform in the future - not a problem, it seems, with iPhone users.
I use a Pre now, ONLY because I am tied to Sprint. If Sprint has the iPhone in a year, my Pre will be officially ditched.
I love the chumby, but the deal breaker for me has been that it can't take batteries, it has to be plugged in. Make room for some AA's and I'm sold, I've wanted one but won't spend money on something I can't take off the nightstand.
@appletoad: As I understand it, these things were made to be hackable. I'm sure you could find instructions on how to add batteries in if you look around the 'net for a while.
Edit: yep, googling "chumby battery hack" will get you a bunch of links.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/06/09
10/05/09
Enclosed you will find directions to the nearest reality distortion field generator, we ask that you begin making your way there now while continuing to read the contents of this packet.
Once there you will be given a robe and shoes with velcro fasteners. You will then be led into the hall that contains the distortion field generator, you should sit in this hall and quietly reflect on your undying love for Steve Jobs, the distortion generator will over time, at this close proximity, open your mind to the power that is the jobs. You will eventually hear him speaking to you through space and time. Follow his instructions, for he shall orient you to our ways.
Once this is complete, please report to HR for an explanation of benefits, don't forget your SS card and at least one other form of photo-ID.
Please be advised of our printing policy, no more than 0.001pL of Ink/Toner may be used per page (both sides included), this policy is strictly enforced.
Xenu be praised,
Apple HR
10/05/09
Weird I got something like that when I got fired from the Apple Retail Store.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
That's the real deal.
10/05/09
10/05/09
Most companies will send you an information package with information about 401k matching and your health benefits.
Apple, Inc., however, likes to "think different". There is no 401k or health insurance paperwork because we have decided not to offer it to you.
It just seems to be more intuitive that way. We hope to see you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on Monday. And, like our wonderfully designed products, you "just work".
10/05/09
When I worked for Apple I had a 401k and Health Insurance. And this was at the damn retail store. You just have to be willing to swallow your own opinion if it doesn't stir the kool aid. and accept the fact that you'll get fired.
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
10/05/09
09/05/09
f I start typing his name into a blank screen (bringing up universal search), I get his contact information like any other person on my phone.
However, if I go to the messaging app, open a new message and start typing his name, it will say there is no results unless I only use the first letter of his name. If I type in two letters, I don't get any results. I found that odd.
Also, I've read that the ability to save images from the web is coming in this update! That's one I was looking forward to.
09/04/09
09/05/09
09/05/09
According to your [sarcastic] post, this post you're reading isn't real. Neither is Gizmodo. Heck, the entire Internet is fake.
Yes, a "real virtual" keyboard. :/
09/06/09
09/04/09
Actually, I'm more interested in opening PDFs in a browser, I was shocked this past July when I found out I had no ability to do this.
09/04/09
I really hope they fix this, and I hope they enable the ability to forward text messages... I have a ton of funny texts sent to me and I can't forward them to anyone else... =(
09/04/09
09/04/09
09/04/09
08/31/09
08/31/09
The development aspect is one that is bothering me - I expected a bit more software. If a company wants to develop an "app", and they only have resources to develop one, they will develop for the iPhone (which has the largest install base of any platform). Likewise, a customer that has a Pre may be less inclined to buy an app if he is not sure he will use the same platform in the future - not a problem, it seems, with iPhone users.
I use a Pre now, ONLY because I am tied to Sprint. If Sprint has the iPhone in a year, my Pre will be officially ditched.
08/29/09
08/30/09
Edit: yep, googling "chumby battery hack" will get you a bunch of links.
08/21/09