The network uses fiber optic transmission to send information to 11 primary data centers in Europe, North America and Asia. From these centers, the data is passed to 140 secondary centers globally.

The processing architecture not only distributes the heavy processing load to computers across the world, but it allows 7,000 scientists to share access to LHC data, to sift through the mountains of information for a nugget of valuable data. And when it comes to understanding the fundamental nature of our Universe, we'll take all the eyes we can get. [China View]

CERN spokesman James Gillies explained, “"It's too early to say precisely what happened, but it seems to be a faulty electrical connection between two magnets that stopped superconducting, melted and led to a mechanical failure and let the helium out.” The specific section will have to have its temperature raised significantly above its usual absolute zero so engineers can go in and repair it without dying, which is apparently a very time-consuming process. This kind of failure isn't unusual for particle accelerators, but the LHC's internal temperature makes the whole ordeal much more difficult. Each warm-up or cool-down takes a minimum of several weeks, so the total repair will last more than two months. I suppose we've waited a long time already to unlock the secrets of the universe, so a couple more months can't hurt, right? [CNN]

The so-called GST posted a menacing message at cmsmon.cern.ch, the website of the Compact Muon Solenoid Experiment team, which apparently closed with: "We are 2600 - dont mess with us." (Clearly, they didn't let proper punctuation get in the way of their dastardly schemes.) Eventually they were fended off. CERN spokesman James Gillies said, "There seems to be no harm done. From what they can tell, it was someone making the point that CMS was hackable."

But even if they had broken through to the next network, it isn't clear whether they could've commenced Operation: Space-Time Rift. Says the UK Telegraph:

If they had hacked into a second computer network, they could have turned off parts of the vast detector and, said the insider, "it is hard enough to make these things work if no one is messing with it."

In related news, here's yet another nervous LHC joke. [Telegraph UK - Thanks Jason and Henry!]

Both are affected by the Moon! Like tides in the ocean, the ground is also subject to lunar attraction. When the Moon is full, the Earth's crust actually rises about 25 cm (9.8 in). This movement causes the circumference of the LHC to vary by (a whopping) 1 mm (out of 27 km, a factor of 0.000004%) but that's enough so that physicists need to take it into account.

Woof! Head to their LHC basic primer, titled 10 Things About the Large Hadron Collider You Wanted to Know But Were Afraid to Ask. [Neatorama]

NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT. (Agencies) The scientific world is shocked today as Michael Zeller—a professor of physics at Yale who has been working at the Large Hadron Collider—reportedly misquoted the Star Trek tagline "Where no man has gone before" and, further shattering the Universe time-space fabric, attributed it to Star Wars:

“What did they say in ‘Star Wars’? We’re going where no man has ever been? Well, that’s where we’re going,” Zeller said in declarations to the Yale Daily News about the LHC first beam test last Wednesday. Professor Zeller helped create the zero degree calorimeter used in Atlas, one of the main experiments at CERN's multi-billion dollar Large Hadron Collider.

"No that's not where you are going, old man!" replied in a telephone interview with the Wichita Early Star a visibly angered William Shatner, "You are going to the cuckoo house, that's where you are going! Where no man has ever been? Are you out of your mind? Have you had way too much Alvanian brandy yesterday? Did you forget your red pill? I can't believe you are one of the guys in charge of that damn doomsday ring."

Famed Captain Kirk impersonator and Gizmodo feature editor Wilson Rothman agreed: "Fo sho. Seriously dude, what was he thinking? Shat is right. Zeller probably needs to change the brandy for some Coors Light." Carl Zweissweger—an engineer at Lockheed Martin who worked on the failed Mars Climate Orbiter—said that he now had serious doubts about the LHC experiment. "Look," he declared "we may have got the Imperial units vs Metric units thing wrong, but at least we damn know that an Imperial Star Destroyer can kick the crap out of any stupid Federation spaceship."

Indeed, many other experts are asking themselves how one of the contributors to the experiment that allegedly may find God's particle can make such an error, introducing doubts about its validity and new safety concerns. "OK, let me say this again," said Agent 1229, the anonymous physics aficionado who has been harassing Giz and scientists all over the world about the LHC attempts to destroy Earth. "You fuckers didn't believe me before, you thought I was a fucking nutcase... actually I was starting to believe it myself, but now... now guess fucking what? I am right! How the fuck can we trust a nerdy scientist when he misquotes Star Trek and confuses it with Star Wars? You are all crazy! You!" he shouted. We couldn't finish the interview with Agent 1229 because various policemen carried his cage back to the armored truck as he muttered "we are fucking fucked, man... we are so fucking fucked."

CERN didn't return our calls, but speaking on condition of anonymity, Professor Mjölnevik—a physicist working at the Alice experiment—declared: "What? For shame. OK. I'm going back to bed." [Yale Daily News]

No black holes, no tearing of space-time fabric, no instant worm hole to the Gamma Quadrant. "There is a wry sense of humor that pervades the [LHC] scientists," said Steve Nahn, one of the MIT researchers on duty at the LHC. In addition to the sign that warns users of a black hole creation, there's another equally predictable sign on the side of the balcony overlooking the detector that reads "Please do not feed the Physicists."

Can you imagine using a 14-mile ring to monitor particles that look like pucks to a hockey rink of an atom? And doing it while death threats from ignorant loonies the world over come pouring in? "There's a fair amount of stress at times trying to make the detector go, so defusing it with humor is one way to maintain sanity," Nahn said.

Note: We tried to get an actual image of the black hole button and the sign, but the LHC's no photography policy got in our way, hence the artist's rendering above.

Picture found! Thanks, Steve Nahn! [Flickr]

Think you can do better? You probably can. Hit the comments to prove it. [popmech]

This time they only steered the particles around the full 16.7-mile circumference of the underground facility. Nevertheless, the personnel involved in the test cheered in ecstasy as the multi-billion-dollar facility actually demonstrated that it was fully armed and operational:

It’s a fantastic moment, we can now look forward to a new era of understanding about the origins and evolution of the universe.

LHC project leader Lyn Evans

“The LHC is a discovery machine, its research programme has the potential to change our view of the Universe profoundly, continuing a tradition of human curiosity that’s as old as mankind itself.

CERN Director General Robert Aymar

Following these beam tests—more will be coming in the next hours—the facility will prepare for the first heads-on collision later in the year. [CERN]

Yes. It looks like we are still alive. The first ignition of the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland, is now underway and nothing has happened yet. But there's a simple reason for that, one that I realized two days ago and I didn't have time to actually write about until today: we got it all wrong. Everyone got it wrong.

We knew for sure that today was not the actual End of the World Day. Nothing—nothing according to Stephen Hawking—is going to happen when the the Large Hadron Collider tries to actually make those pesky particles to collide. But the fact is that today, you, my dear hadronmongers, it is not the day the collision was supposed to happen.

Today it's just the first beam test, not the actual first collision. That's programmed to happen on October 21, 2008. So all those stupid morons writing to us and CERN scientist will probably keep rambling for two more months.

As for the normal people, you can think about it as another extension to your life. In other words: You have two more months to find Uma Thurman/Brad Pitt/Richard Simmons and 1) convince her/him/it that the world is going to end and 2) you are the best lay there is to have before that happens. [Large Hadron Collider in Gizmodo]

In a BBC radio interview he joked "I think it will be much more exciting if we don't find the Higgs. That will show something is wrong, and we need to think again" before admitting to his bet. If found, the Higgs particle, also dubbed the "God particle" would be crucial evidence supporting the standard model of particle physics, but it's managed to remain elusive to date.

Hawking does think the LHC might find superpartner particles though ("supersymmetric partners" to particles we already know about) and that might be a key to string theory. Will he lose his cash? Only time will tell. Just remember, time is relative. [Physorg]

We have joked about it in the past, but as our mailboxes get filled with clueless people and psychopaths' emails we will have to say it again: there's no chance that the Earth will cease to exist as CERN scientists activate the Large Hadron Collider this Wednesday. So, to all the morons, please stop writing and watch the LHC start up on September 10th using the real-time CERN video broadcast.

And by the way, there's still a chance that one day an asteroid like the one in the video hits Earth, as it has happened six times before. So our advice still applies: don't do your homework, have sex, and love everyone. Except these bozos:

The clueless type

hello here,
the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is the worlds largest particle accelerator complex. which will replicate the beginning of a galaxy. in other words something like the big bang theory, the first attempt to use it is scheduled for september, 10, 2008 or this wednesday. i dont know much about it but if it works it will be the single greatest discovery of man kind. answering such questions like "how did we get here?" or "how did it all start?" also time travel and alternate dimensions come into question. But if it fails it could become a black hole and we'll all die. i just heard this from a friend today and was wondering if you guys knew anything about it. i did some research of my own but im still confused was hoping for a dumbed up version. also i'm a new gizmodo member and would like to be allowed to comment. thanx

Man, you are already banned and you haven't even been approved.

The psychopath type

con-artist fascist net-nazi bbc.co.uk and con-artist mccain/obama/bush do absolutely nothing to defend the u.s. constitution,ergo; if the LHC is allowed to go online, you have failed at defending the constitution or world safety ya clown porn con-artists (if the shoe fits)...the bbc fails to list all the hidden/missing variables in regards to LHC operations..thier "world service" is a "world dis-serice" via dis-informing the public of potential dangers and frauds involved...I will from this date forward add the BBC as complicit in the cern-lhc and affilates decades worth of frauds as I have done with obama/mccain, scott morely, frank wilczek and robert jaffe (to name a few) of clown porn fktard con-artist artist MIT as well as marjorie con-artist shapiro of berkeley, ken bloom of UNL, arkani ahmed of harvard and conan obrien for featuring con artist robert fisher of MIT who works at the atlas detector, ergo; unsolicited comunication of LHC safety...

I hope the FBI is tracking this dude, because I think he looks like the kind of guy that can kill people at random. [CERN LHC Livecast, video via Dark Roasted Blend]

Now, get to work! [Journal of Instrumentation via Symmetry via Slashdot]

- First, give a long hug to all my friends.
- Learn to sail.
- Fish a salmon and eat the whole thing as sashimi.
- Call Addy and tell her I love her.
- Call Ana, my first wife, and tell her that she's still a damn lying bitch with a fat ass.
- Get in bed with the hot, big-boobed Swedish bartender in front of me—I'm in a cafe in Hunnebo, Sweden, right now.
- Get the hot Swedish waitress in bed too—trust me, I have reasons for this.
- Steal the Harley parked outside the café and drive at 125MPH to Gothenburg's airport.
- Buy first class tickets to Los Angeles on the company's card—don't worry Nick, you won't have to pay for that. It's the end of the world.
- Find Uma Thurman address.
- Get her naked.
- Post pictures in Gizmodo.
- Get in bed with Uma and the two Swedes (yes, they came with me—the trip to LA is too long).
- Steal a supersonic jet.
- Fly to Cupertino.
- Break into Apple's secret vault with the help of the two Swedes—by their looks, they have to be ninjas—and Uma dressed with her Kill Bill yellow suit.
- Have sex with the two Swedes, Uma, and Steve Jobs.
- Have Jason liveblog the whole thing while Brian takes pictures.
- Burn the secret vault.
- Watch the whole campus burn while listening to Tom Waits, having a six-hand massage, drinking margaritas, waiting for the whole universe to implode.

I know, it's less than 24 hours to planetary mayhem, but if Santa Claus can visit the home of every kid in the world to deliver presents, Jesus gets to do all that in 12 hours. In any case, I can only hope there's no more delays and the whole thing explodes—or I'm screwed.

Seriously, the planet may not assplode, but you never know. If you really had to do something before tomorrow, what would you do? [LHC]

Update: What?! We just got a note that the official startup for the LHC has been delayed until September 10, which is NOT tomorrow. We'll have to suspend our Swedes humping for another month. I, for one, as Jason Chen, am not amused. — Jason [New Scientist]

[The Big Picture]

To do their particle-colliding business, the LHC's magnets must be kept ultra-cool—close to absolute zero in fact, which is a frosty -459.67 degrees F. And by the looks of it, many of the magnets are near operating temperature already. To keep them that cold, liquid helium is used, which is only liquid at extremely low temperatures. The highest temperature scale on the status website only goes up to 100K (-279.67 degrees F), so we're not really watching for "meltdowns" in the strictest sense of the word. But if the temperatures start rising to near the top of the scale, you know something is afoot. No doomsday scenarious, but still, feel free to shout out SECTOR 7 ARC MAGNET TEMPERATURES RISING! [LHC Cooldown Status via Bad Astronomy]

The scientists at CERN's Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland have decided to delay the ignition of the massive particle accelerator. The LHC countdown now shows 30 more days, so you can enjoy July to its full potential. In case you don't know what a Large Hadron Collider is, it's the thingamajig that is supposed to find the Force that binds all things or—according to some morons—was supposed to kill us all yesterday. Wait, hold on a moment here. Maybe they activated it. Maybe the first collision created a white hole that sucked the whole Universe in, and we got back in time. [LHC Countdown — Thanks Beau for the tip and idea]

I hope you are right about CERN's Large Hadron Collider exploding and destroying the whole frikkin' universe in a big fiery ball of antimatter, neutrons and Higgs bosons.

That way we won't have to try and decipher your spam any more.

Yours Sincerely,
j.

P.S. Check out MIT Center for Theoretical Physics' admin answer to this guy after the jump. Apparently he doesn't only spam via email, but calls and harasses people everywhere and leaves messages on answering machines.
P.P.S. Stop sending mail, you psycho.
P.P.P.S. Can someone at Google shut down this spammer's Gmail account at once? Thanks.

On Fri, May 9, 2008 at 12:42 PM, Scott Morley <****************@mit.edu> wrote: Dear Sir,

I am the Administrator for the Center for Theoretical Physics at MIT. You have been repeatedly sending emails to the CTP regarding the LHC in Geneva. You have left dozens of messages on the answering machine of Professor Frank Wilczek and on the machines of various other professors. You have also called and attempted to speak with other professors—ones not involved in any way, shape or form with the LHC.

You have additionally phoned a member of my staff repeatedly and then chose to send a large mailing list of individuals an email where you directly insulted this person.

I am writing you to ask you to please cease your contacts with all members of this Center.

Thank you.

Scott Morley

It all starts with a single laser, which is split into 48 separate beams. The beams are then redirected using mirrors into amplifiers—previously pumped by a total of 7,680 Xenon flash lamps— and, after four bounces, they are further split into 192 rays through all the facility—which is the size of three football fields. As they travel through those endless tubes they will be amplified again at an exponential rate.

The result: from a tiny 1/billionth of a joule laser, the scientists at the National Ignition Facility will end up with rays "a foot on the their side" with a combined "1.8 million joules of ultraviolet energy", 1,000 times the energy of all the power plants in the United States combined. That's five trillion watts (and as any numbnuts know, a trillion is more than a million.)

The lasers will then compress the frozen hydrogen fuel cell pictured here, which will be enclosed in a gold-plated cylinder called the hohlraum. The hohlraum—which was probably brought through a Stargate— is located inside the 32.8-foot-diameter ignition chamber, and it will transforms the lasers into extremely intense X-rays, compressing the hydrogen at one hundred billion atmospheres in just 1/1,000,000 of a second.

This will trigger a controlled nuclear fusion reaction that will create a small star, hopefully generating more power than the energy used to fire the laser and contain the intense heat inside the chamber.

All this in theory. The questions is:

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

I'm leaning to the third option. Good bye, California. It was good while it lasted. Your only hope: that Europe vaporizes the solar system first with their Large Hadron Collider. [National Ignition Facility, NIF at Wikipedia, FusEdWeb, and Lasers at Wikipedia via Quest]

The lawsuit filed by a group of Hawaii residents is alleging that not enough safety checks have been made by CERN to prevent disaster when the LHC goes live in the coming weeks. It may "create unsafe conditions of physics" which may have disastrous effects. How? Well, you may imagine a micro black hole gobbling up everything unstoppably, while a strangelet (a hypothetical clump of particles including strange quarks) may run amok converting all nearby matter into strange matter, also wrecking the Earth.

James Gillies, a CERN spokesman, suggests this is rubbish in this response to the New Scientist: "The LHC will start up this year, and it will produce all sorts of exciting new physics and knowledge about the universe." It's no threat at all, he says: "A year from now, the world will still be here." The LHC is actually designed to probe the boundaries of physics, and while a 2003 safety study did conceed that micro black holes or magnetic monopoles may be formed, they would be short-lived and offer no threat.

CERN physicists will be talking about safety in an open house discussion on April 6. [New Scientist]