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Fridge Locker Secures Your Snacks From Crappy Roommates and Co-Workers
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vlatro
11/10/09

In reply to Fridge Locker Secures Your Snacks From Crappy Roommates and Co-Workers
You must understand the perverse thought process of the common office fridge thief. If you lock up some things, they will assume everything not under lock and key is fair game. You're only giving them further justification for their thievery. It's best to simply poison the food and watch them drop.

This could create other problems as well. Some people never clean their old food out of the office fridge. They'll go on vacation, forgetting their liverwurst and Gouda sandwich. It will gradually develop a fine green patina, and impart it's flavor on everything else stored in the fridge. Then you have to explain why their new fridge locker is in the bottom of a dumpster somewhere because they didn't leave a key.

The locker is an innovative idea that addresses a common problem. But I prefer the old fashioned approach of a good slap in the face when someone does something stupid, inconsiderate, or immoral. Steal from me, I'll slap you in the face. If I stole from you, I'd expect nothing less to happen to me. It keeps us all honest. #fridgelocker
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beercheck
11/09/09

In reply to Fridge Locker Secures Your Snacks From Crappy Roommates and Co-Workers
All you need to do is judiciously lace one leftover item with habañero. Henceforth, your food is SAFE.

Thievery can lead to teachable moments. #fridgelocker
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yungjerry703
11/09/09

@beercheck: i did that to a co worker. i spiked some salsa in the fridge with 4 dried ground up habanero peppers. to quote her reaction "This salsa is hot as the dickens!" HR caught word and all i got was a "warning". #fridgelocker
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beercheck
11/09/09

@yungjerry703: Hey, sometimes you gotta kick it up a notch. Bam! #fridgelocker
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vlatro
11/10/09

@beercheck: I eat habañero peppers like candy, but I've seen those not used to them drop to the ground in tears, so your advice seems solid for me. Having built up a tolerance, I could enjoy a meal that would inflict pain on others.

For those who want to take this a step farther, here's some ideas:

The Sneak Attack
Dry (by roasting) and grind 10 habañeros into a powder. Mix with 1 tsp Jamaican Curry, 1 tsp Gram Marsala, and ¼ Cup Brown sugar. Add ¼ Cup of Vinegar. Cook down to a thick sauce. It's excellent on grilled chicken or Salmon. But you won't know it's hot until half way through your meal. The mixture of the curry and sugar traps the capsaicin (the molecules that give the pepper it heat). It takes anywhere from 30 seconds to 5 minutes for the glaze that encapsulates the capsaicin to break down and release the heat. It dulls the heat a bit, but that is more than compensated for by the increased amount you (or in this case your victim) will consume.

The Punishment
Mixing the pepper attack with the traditional visine attack. For those who don't already know, visine (an eye drop) works by dilating blood vessels in your eye. Ingested, it dilates other things too, eventually working its way through your body and down to the colon. Leakage ensues. Mixed with a goodly amount of habañeros... Fire in the Hole!

If habañeros seem tame to you, another pepper known as "bhot jolokia" hold the world record for hottest pepper known to man. It's the white pulp on the inner wall of the pepper that contains the heat. For the strongest dose, freeze them, run under warm water to remove the skins. Cut in half and remove the seeds. Dry slowly and grind. Freeze the resultant powder. Place the cold powder in a coffee filter. Pour ice-cold Vodka over the powder and collect the liquid that drips through. Let it dry. The white or yellow resin in the bottom is pure capsaicin. You'll need about 50 peppers to get a single gram of capsaicin, but it's so potent you need special licensing in many places to have it. Make your own pepper spray, prank your room mates with a few drops in their bottle of sex lube... use your imagination.

I take no responsibility for the stupid and potentially harmful results of people taking my advice. The above if for academic purposes only and should not be attempted by anyone ever. #fridgelocker
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beercheck
11/10/09

@vlatro: I reckon Guatemalan Insanity Peppers would kick your silly bhot jolokia clear to Shelbyville.....if they weren't so damned tough to obtain. #fridgelocker
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vlatro
11/10/09

@beercheck:

Links:
Do "insanity peppers" really exist?
[answers.google.com]

Naga Jolokia pepper (aka bhot jolokia)
[en.wikipedia.org] #fridgelocker
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Jrsy Devil's Advocate®
11/09/09

In reply to Fridge Locker Secures Your Snacks From Crappy Roommates and Co-Workers
We had a problem with a coworker years ago. That's why I got a mini-fridge for my office. #fridgelocker
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DoogieFullHouser
11/09/09

In reply to Fridge Locker Secures Your Snacks From Crappy Roommates and Co-Workers
A friend of mine had a great solution for people stealing his food out of the fridge at work.

One day he bought a thing of dog biscuits and put icing all over them. Dropped them all in a pastry box and left a name tag on it (not his).

He dropped it off in the kitchen, they looked just like little cookies, and they must have tasted decent, because sure enough, the box was empty by lunch.

He came back from lunch and left the dog biscuit box on the counter... it didn't take long for people to put two and two together... he claims his food has been much safer since. #fridgelocker
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okmar
11/09/09

In reply to Fridge Locker Secures Your Snacks From Crappy Roommates and Co-Workers
I would just leave the entire cage out next to the fridge for the food to get spoiled #fridgelocker
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lostarchitect
11/09/09

@okmar: and this is why you have no friends. #fridgelocker
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okmar
11/09/09

@lostarchitect: good one :) perhaps I am not an american and don't live in a culture where I feel it necessary to lock my food. I find the demand for this product disturbing #fridgelocker
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lostarchitect
11/09/09

@okmar: I've never experienced it either. Maybe it's for people working in a big, anonymous office. Or maybe it's a bit of a joke. #fridgelocker
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HeartBurnKid: Agent of R.O.A.C.H.
11/09/09

@okmar: If you find the demand for this product disturbing, then you have never worked in an office or lived in a dorm.

If an area has a common fridge, someone will steal out of it. It's only a matter of time. #fridgelocker
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katiethemagnificent
11/09/09

In reply to Fridge Locker Secures Your Snacks From Crappy Roommates and Co-Workers
this would be handy in defending my tasty snacks from my kids, although for how long..... they are crafty little devils. I tried the live badger but found he also has a fondness for my stashed goodness
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Xagest
11/09/09

@katiethemagnificent:
I give him about 2 hours. When I was 8, I learned how to access every part of the house, locked or otherwise, using a butterknife and a chopstick. Even managed to find the key to the cable box for those "special" channels. #fridgelocker
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Kaiser-Machead
11/09/09

In reply to Fridge Locker Secures Your Snacks From Crappy Roommates and Co-Workers
This will only spark faster adaptation for freeloading roommates and scrounging coworkers. Years from now there will be a race of human being with thin proboscis mouths, suited best for eating between the bars of cages. #fridgelocker
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OCEntertainment
11/09/09

In reply to Fridge Locker Secures Your Snacks From Crappy Roommates and Co-Workers
Ridiculous and unnecessary. I keep my meals safe by keeping a live badger tied to them at all times.

You can find wild badgers in the woods. Come on, guys... #fridgelocker
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Cogito Ergo Bibo
11/09/09

Two words: shotgun boobytrap. Some may consider that a bit extreme, but you'll only steal my lunch once. #fridgelocker
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dallasmay
11/09/09

@OCEntertainment: So what keeps the badger from eating your food? #fridgelocker
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OCEntertainment
11/09/09

@Cogito Ergo Bibo: I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

@dallasmay: Wild animals won't touch the kind of food I eat. (Read: Hot Pockets.) #fridgelocker
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smegz
11/09/09

In reply to Fridge Locker Secures Your Snacks From Crappy Roommates and Co-Workers
A good pair of wire snips and that pretty little cage will come apart. So, chocolate milk chug...you are mine! #fridgelocker
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GitEmSteveDave_ForgotNametag
11/09/09

@smegz: Idiot. Everyone knows the Lunchables in the back has the the highest street value, with the string cheese the next highest. It's like a pizza with extra cheese, but you hold the tomato sauce AND the crust. It's like a cheese with nuttin. #fridgelocker
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madog
11/04/09

In reply to Make Your Own Secret Knock Detecting Door Lock
"No Homers allowed!" #knockdetectingdoorlock
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Nick
11/03/09

In reply to Make Your Own Secret Knock Detecting Door Lock
i still use the trusty "No Girls Allowed" sign. works like a charm. #knockdetectingdoorlock
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Keighvin
11/03/09

In reply to Make Your Own Secret Knock Detecting Door Lock
The equipment and code are better than just knock detection - while that's a novel approach, there are other things that could trigger an authentication that can be hooked up as well. These can include anything capable of spitting out any kind of data - this same base would work for RFID, fingerprint, iris scanning, etc., after which all the rest of the equipment for actuating the lock mechanism comes into play.

And why use just one? If both RFID and a knock were required, both proximity and knock authentication would have to be used to get you in. #knockdetectingdoorlock
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Xagest
11/03/09

@Keighvin:
Wow, now I want a door knob with a USB port in it... #knockdetectingdoorlock
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shenanigans61
11/03/09

In reply to Make Your Own Secret Knock Detecting Door Lock
DCI-class drummers would have a blast (no pun intended) with this. Can it detect 64th notes? #knockdetectingdoorlock
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coughiecup
11/03/09

@shenanigans61: I'm game. That way you're only allowed to enter if your hands are fast enough. #knockdetectingdoorlock
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shenanigans61
11/03/09

@coughiecup: "No no the whole second part is 16 straight 64th's not 32nd's! Aw you were trying to play 64th's? Jeez I'm sorry :/ " #knockdetectingdoorlock
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coughiecup
11/03/09

@shenanigans61: "And after six o'clock, you start out with Swiss Army triplets then switch to paradiddles with a swing feel." :) #knockdetectingdoorlock
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Nick
11/03/09

@coughiecup: Nick Cannon wants in. #knockdetectingdoorlock
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coughiecup
11/03/09

@Nick: What's the secret knock? #knockdetectingdoorlock
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Nick
11/03/09

@coughiecup: wipe out? #knockdetectingdoorlock
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FriarNurgle
11/03/09

In reply to Make Your Own Secret Knock Detecting Door Lock
I'm assuming the PVC pipe is to hold the skunk scent that gets squirted at someone who knocks incorrectly. #knockdetectingdoorlock
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weatherman
11/03/09

In reply to Make Your Own Secret Knock Detecting Door Lock
That is way cool. A commercialized product like this would appeal to every 10 year old and probably quite a few adults as well, assuming it doesn't interfere with a regular key lock. #knockdetectingdoorlock
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