Gizmodo: massagers

Vintage Massagers Look Like Torture Devices

Odelia Lee — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:00:00 EDT

The geniuses at Oobject have curated a hilarious gallery of 18 forgotten vibrators/massagers, all of which look more likely to induce pain than pleasure.

All of the vibes have great names like Chic Glorifier, Handy Hannah Vitalator, Stim-U-Lax Junior, Bonger Body Massager, and let's not forget the classic Magic Fingers Hotel Bed Massager. I included my favorites below, but hop over to Oobject for the full effect. If I ever see these in real life, I'm running in the opposite direction. What were ladies in the '50s thinking? [oobject]

Powernic Massager: Robotic Shiatsu Claw with a Vulcan Grip

Wilson Rothman — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:45:00 EDT

It looks like a prop from the latest Dr. Who series, it clamps down with the deliberateness of a Vulcan, and it feels... well... not too bad. The Powernic finger-pressure massager is a pretty serious apparatus, and in the wrong hands it could probably do quite a bit of damage. Good thing there's a touch-sensitive manual override on the side. The little vibrating LED capsule can be used by itself, if you're into that. As you can see in the vid, I favored the full-on claw. [Semi Y&J]

Body Energizer Vibrating Exercise Machine Shrinks Something, But Not Your Butt

Charlie White — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 11:40:48 EDT

The Body Energizer Vibrating Exercise Machine claims to improve your muscle strength and bone density, using some magic high-frequency vibration. Doesn't this remind you of those worthless butt-shaking machines that were so popular back in the '60s? This one's makers also boast about how it could actually speed weight loss. They even drop the possibility of a few Olympic athletes using it. Take the jump to read the entertaining and incredible exultation to get you to buy this thing. And hey, it's on sale!

Simply hold on to the grippy bars, and stand or squat on the nonslip platform (or try one of the many alternate positions illustrated). In just two to four minutes, three to five times a week, you'll notice a remarkable difference within a month. Similar machines cost as much as $2,500—but why pay more?

Hmm. Also works as a massage machine? Different positions? Sounds like something entirely different. The good news? It regularly cost $400 and now it's just $229.95. Caveat emptor. [Hollywood Gadgets, via Sci Fi Tech]

Good Vibrations' Vibrating Shoes Give Your Feet a Treat

Louis Ramirez — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 11:50:34 EST

They say your feet are the most ignored part of your body. Well, a company by the name of Good Vibrations is planning on changing that. They've created a show with a built-in massager that soothes your aching feet with the press of a button. You can choose when you want the massaging to begin and there's even a rechargeable battery, but personally, I don't think I'd want to leave my house with a shoe that buzzes when I walk. – Louis Ramirez

Product Page [The Raw Feed]

Sqush Neck Massager Might Massage More Than Just Necks

Charlie White — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 13:00:00 EST

The Sqush Neck Massager might be the perfect antidote to 24-hour blogging sessions, keeping your tireless team on its toes no matter how many cellphone posts we write.

It's a bit disconcerting that this device looks vaguely like the yokes worn by a team of oxen, but it also reminds us of that old "Bone Phone" (anybody remember that?) from years gone by. Even so, the Sqush could probably put the kibosh on whatever pain you suffer, offering blessed relief for the bargain price of $19.99.

Speaking of bones, isn't the Sqush getting perilously close to an erogenous zone or two in that picture above? Perhaps the ladies might even consider slipping the vibrating massager between the legs for a little ride 'em horsey action. A versatile device, indeed. – Charlie White

Sqush Neck Massager [ubergizmo]

Hello Kitty Massager - Mother Tested, Japan Approved!

Travis Hudson — Sun, 06 Nov 2005 16:45:41 EST

There is a common saying among business types in Japan. "If it doesn t sell, color it pink and slap Hello Kitty all over it." This is one of those same 'ole back/genital massagers. I am quite sure it does a less than moderate job relieving stress, but who cares, it is pink and has Hello Kitty. We've covered these before, but I think the Hello Kitty Vibrator trend is reaching critical mass.

Massage by Hello Kitty [Akihabara News]

G5 Massager / Vibrator / Apple Lawsuit

gizmodo.com — Mon, 10 Oct 2005 10:24:19 EDT

I'd hardly call this thing a G5 when it doesn't even have the sexy stylings of an Apple G5 of some sort, but that's ok. The G5 is a cute massager that offers a deep, relaxing drubbing via interchangable heads. The price ranges from $350 for a model to keep at home ~~when your sig. other is at work~~ for a personal massage, while the $1200 bad-boy is targeted for professional use. One interesting thing about the G5 is that it doesn't actually vibrate, but rather rotates and moves the head for a more relaxing sensation. Next: dual core G5 and the iThrob G5?

G5 Massager [Cool Tools]