Now my question is: Is it really this way? Because one of the most delightful, smartest, and sexiest woman I've ever met was drunk after three hours in a bar drinking beer with orange slices in it, while that night I was drunk with cocktails and my drinks matched my shoes. And I pee sitting down. At least at home, because it's more comfy, but that's another story.

Women. Men. TS/TVs. Speak. [Thanks Oscar]

Update: It gets better.

Unsurprisingly, exercise is what made people the most unhappy from either gender. Men also were made more happy by "being intimate with another person" than women, while women were more likely to find happiness in pets. And everyone likes relaxing. What an illuminating survey!

In other news, black guys drive like this, while white guys drive like this. [Reuters]

• The Danger Bomb Alarm Clock. This clock is sure to wake you up for the event, because it makes an exploding noise until you figure out how to turn it off. Sure, we could've gone with the Orgasmo, which makes the sound of a female orgasm, but that would probably just put us back in dream land. Besides, the Danger Bomb will serve as a good reminder of your own impending sensory explosion.

Now for the guys, here are some suggestions to get you going:

• A sex doll. For all those do-it-yourselfers (haha! get it?) with time on your hands, build a companion to cuddle with tonight. Make sure to hide it when company is around.

• The Blowjob Machine. If you don't have time to build but still crave the feeling of a robot lover, go with this gadget out of Japan. This thing looks more "vacuum cleaner" than "erotic," so be careful.

• The Rubbot. More mechanical goodness, the Rubbot is the most discreet male sex toy of the bunch. Too bad it's still in beta, because judging by the job it did on that beer bottle you wouldn't have any problem making it to the finish line in time.

• 1-900-Nerd-Girl. So you just can't seem to get *there* without a little dirty talk? How about a little nerdy talk instead? Hearing these ladies talk Star Wars and D&D will have your lightsaber up in no time.

• Condom applicator. If you'll be sharing in the global orgasm with that special someone, you're going to want one of these. Over-population is a major factor in world unrest, so don't make the problem any worse.

Ladies, don't think we forgot about you! We at Giz have heard know that the female orgasm is not a myth, and we couldn't leave you out of the festivites, so for you we present:

• A Vibrator. We have so many to choose from, but we decided to go with Inch Perfect, because it's huge, it precise, and you need to get the job done quickly.

• The Call Me Panties. Stick your cellphone in the Call Me Panties front pocket, put it on vibrate and set your alarm. That way, you'll be on your way to saving the world without leaving your bed.

• Nintendo Wii. How will a Wii help you reach orgasm, you ask? Just ask this woman, she seems to have it down.

And finally, for everyone:

• Open Mouth Ashtray. Phew, after all that hard work, you're probably going to want a cigarette. Nothing says "I just participated in a Global Orgasm" quite like this ashtray.

That should be enough to get you started on your journey to heal the world. With less than 12 hours until the big moment, you better start making plans. I know what I'll be doing at 1:08 AM EST; Hell, I probably would have been doing it anyway. [Global Orgasm, World Clock for 6:08 GMT]

There's actually four pages of this article talking about how men are using gadgets like the TLC tugger to "restore" their foreskin, but we'll leave the wonder of discovery up to you readers. [HoustonPress]