That's what NASA is planing to do: Use squirrel monkeys to test the possible effect of radiation in humans for long-term space missions. This is the first time the agency is going to test with monkeys since the days of the Mercury Project.

They plan to bomb 27 squirrel monkeys with high-energy gamma-ray radiation, the equivalent of what astronauts could get in a three-year voyage. This obviously can result in two things: Monkeys dying in pain or giant green monkeys destroying the whole East Coast.

Clearly, a lose-lose situation.

The $1.75 million project has encountered strong opposition from animal welfare organizations, but NASA spokesman Bill Jeffs gives a good argument:

NASA-funded research has shown that simulated space radiation can affect nerve cells in culture and also the behavior of mice and rats, but these studies are limited in the extent they can be extrapolated to human behavior and performance. Studies in nonhuman primates are essential to be able to best predict neurobehavioral effects of radiation on humans.

Would you prefer 27 squirrel monkeys dying in experiments or six dead astronauts in a capsule floating on the Pacific Ocean? [Space.com]

Unfortunately, there is some assembly required, but it'll teach the young'ns about how monkeys need to often be under direct sunlight. The solar chimp will cost you about £14.19 ($20), and while the product description says its suitable for kids over 8, I don't think anyone over the age of 8 is going be lining up, Hannah Montana tickets style. Your best bet is to hang it by a window and hope your toddler can comprehend "photovoltaic arrays" even though their thoughts will be more, "where's my DS?" [Select Solar via DVICE]

According to researchers, when someone becomes paralyzed, the neurons that control movement remain active, only missing the actual bridge between the brain and the body. These neurons remain alive and emit signals for years after paralysis.

The electrodes are able to detect where the strongest movement signal is coming from, and attach itself to that area of the brain. So far connections only last for about four weeks or so, but researchers hope to improve on this implement the breakthrough on humans. [New Scientist]

• Eight extra minutes of footage in the unrated version of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes
• Beyond the Forbidden Zone Adventure Game
• Science of the Apes: scientists, anthropologists and sociologists discuss the first film
• Evolution of the Apes: HD featurette that traces how the Planet of the Apes went from book to screen
• Impact of the Apes: HD featurette about how the story became a pop culture phenomenon
• HD “Making of” features for each sequel
• Commentary by composers, actors and make up artists.
• A Behind the Planet of the Apes documentary
• The original theatrical trailers
• Behind the scenes galleries

... and much much more! The five disk set will retail for roughly $160. [The HD Room]

These monkeys gone to heaven, who are bred at the Sochi Institute only for this purpose, have been used in previous space experiments. Unlike Laika, who died because of the stress of the launch, these monkeys resist the trips and get back in one piece. Like 16-year-old space veteran Krosh, who flew to space in 1992 and—according to the BBC—"is still in rude health." Which we guess means he keeps healthily pooping out and throwing his crap to everyone around.

The macaques will have to be able to sustain a 520-day trip and they are crucial for the survival of the future cosmonauts, as their tolerance to radiation levels is very similar to those in humans. [BBC]

Hooking up through the internet, the two teams were able to share these monkey brain walking signals—for lack of a better term—in real time, streaming the neural impulses halfway across the world to a pair of robot legs that were programmed with corresponding movements.

While researchers have been doing similar studies since 2000, giving monkeys control of robot legs (as opposed to what seems to be some more simple arm motions) is a breakthrough in the inevitable monkeys-teaming-with-robots for human overthrow scenario or just the dominance of an advanced mechanical intelligence sure to thieve all man's bananas without mercy. [newscientist and image]

It's $9 and for drying nails...thank God. – Mark Wilson

Product Page [via uberreview]

If these test work—which they look like they do, the monkeys are feeding themselves successfully—you too can lop off your own arm, stroll into the emergency room, and feel confident that they'll replace your missing appendage with the robotic equivalent. No wait! We mean in a couple of years! – Jason Chen

MOnkey Controls Robotic Arm With Mind [Random Good Stuff]

Unequivocal proof that humans evolved from Roombas. Or wait - was it the other way around? Just when you thought that man could not love an automatic vacuum at any greater capacity, it goes all Every Which Way But Loose on us.

Tune in this Tuesday for my Frankenreview - see you next weekend. – Mark Wilson

Watch A Chimp Play Ms. Pac-Man [Kotaku]

Cheeky monkeys learn their lesson [BBC via PhoneyWorld]