Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village

Like all the best Onion pieces, this video takes the bizarre and scary concepts we ignore despite being right in front of our faces, and spells them out in blunt, hilarious language. As the "Google Exec" says, "If you don't want to give us complete access to your most private thoughts and feelings, that's fine! You can just toil on the hinterlands, and die young."

But my favorite part has to be the consistent juxtaposition of Google's bright happy basic colors on all the terrifying privacy guards and equipment. On the other hand, even if this horrible airless prison was real, I'd probably still get excited about the next Android phone. You win, Google. You win everything, ever. [The Onion]

Frame: Double butted 7005 Series Aluminum Front and Rear Triangle
Front Suspension: RST CAPA-T8 Suspension, disc mount, adjustable preload with CLIX™ Ramps
Folded Size: 36" x 28" x 12"
Color: Cammy Green
Gearing: SRAM 24-Speed

I always thought that folding bikes made you look like an oversized clown named Zappo, but the Montague Paratrooper Tactical Folding Mountain Bike is different. It may be the combination of its design and the cammy green finish, but it just looks good enough to buy one, even if it costs $800. [Military Bikes—Thanks W]

The tourists, a skier and snowboarder, were lost in the mountains of Southeast Switzerland, with temperatures reaching -15 degrees Celsius. They attempted to phone for help, but their mobile phone ran out of juice just after making the connection. Luckily, the faint light of an iPod screen was enough to catch the eye of a helicopter rescue team, who recovered the two sports enthusiasts quickly enough to avoid any more serious consequences than very mild hypothermia.

Reuters reported this story, but didn't go into the kind of detail that techies like you and I really need. What kind of iPod was it? What generation? What brightness setting was the backlight set to? Is there a difference in helicopter visibility between, say, LCD and OLED? Without that kind of information, I don't know that I can ever go skiing in remote Swiss mountains again. [Reuters]

At 47 years old, Colligan has decided to attempt the record-breaking feat in order to raise money for a school in Nepal (and undoubtedly to become the greatest unicyclist of all-time). He plans on achieving this dangerous feat with his trusty distance unicycle, fitted with an off-road tire. No word on whether he will sport a wig, parachute pants and a clown nose during the attempt. You laugh, but it could help keep him warm up there. [Metro]