Gizmodo: mr t

What Kind of Geek are You?

AddyDugdale — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 19:00:00 EDT

Wired has done a handy cut-out-and-keep guide to spotting geeks. Third from the right is gadget geek, who apparently "writes ferocious comments on Giz" (FIRST! and Will It Blend? are not examples of ferocious comments, before you ask.) James Chiang's fabulous photo just begs the question, however: What kind of geek are you?

I'm Mr T, you pantyhose suckas! [Wired]

If You Don't Get Your April Fool Out Of My Face I'm Gonna Turn You Into Chopped Liver

AddyDugdale — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:00:00 EDT

Yo! I'M MR. T!!! What an awesome day it's been, guest editing the Giz. Some of you think it's Talk Like T Day. Well, I'll squash the punk—squash him like a bug—who suggests that April 1 was TLT Day. It's April Fool, FOOL!! And to all you naysayers who think that Gizmodo sucked today, you know that the only thing you can hear is your little pea brain rolling round your head. And when I finish with you, you won't even be able to hear that! By the time I do let you girl scouts go, you're gonna be big on PAIN! But first I'm gonna make you all suffer with the rest of the web's April Fools.

• Nasa's space station robot wants to be known as Dextre The Magnificent. Dextre The Fool!
• Find out if son—or daughter— of T is on its way yet with the ThinkGeek USB pregnancy test.
• Virtual peeing with new Wii game the Super Pii Pii Brothers. That's crazier than Murdock.
• Nintendo goes VoIP with the Wii VoIP handset rumor. VoIP? That's what my enemies say when I crush them into the dust!
• The IPCGA bans the HP Blackbird 002 from the International PC Gaming Tournament. Inside, it's deadly!
• Aaargh! My ears! Improv Everywhere's redesign. I wouldn't give that paintjob to a Ford Tempo!
• Gearlog's poop-brown iPod to support people with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I can give jerks IBS with just one look.
• Google and Virgin want to colonize Mars?, Men don't come from Mars, you know, crazy people do. And crazy people go there!
• Google came up with a couple others: Custom Time, and predictive searches, allowing you to search the future for things that haven't happened yet. That's just stupid jibber-jabber!
• I used to eat LEGO bricks for breakfast and some crazy dude is telling me they contain addictive substances? I Don't Do Drugs!
• RIM is adapting its BlackBerrys to support Windows Mobile . Huh, I could do that with my welding torch.
• The mighty LP kicks the CD in the nuts, sales-wise. Did I say nuts? NUTS!
• Apple was due to reveal both its specs for OSXI, as well as the iPhone Enterprise Infrastructure Server, iPEnIS for short. Now that's what I call takin' Apple Fanboyism to crazy.
• Qualcomm revolutionizes talking with your hand. I already know how to communicate with my hand. Come here and I'll show your face.
• Microsoft makes a fake helmet. That looks like a choppa helmet! I ain't gettin' in no choppa, fool!

Sprint's Samsung Instinct First Hands On and iPhone Sizemodo (UPDATED: Now with Full Tour Video)

matt buchanan — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:56:04 EDT

Sprint's Instinct is so special the carrier is holding its own super special event. Unfortunately, it hasn't quite finished baking, so the full feature set wasn't entirely ready to go—we had to visit different "stations" to check out each feature individually to keep us from diving too deep. The iPhone-challenging visual voicemail, for instance, ain't quite live. Plus, it locked up when I was messing around with the music store, and needed a hard reset for the more money shot voice command features, which still didn't quite work (or finding a McDonald's is just too much). And the web browser doesn't, um, touch mobile Safari, at least not in its present state.

There's no accelerometer and website viewing is landscape only (conversely, navigation is portrait only). No pinching or pulling, either, you tap a zoom button multiple times to get the level you want. Bleh. It tries to make up for being less dynamic with a mode that lets you pan through a site by moving the phone around, using the camera as the sensor. But, it didn't quite work, at least not for Giz, which loaded painfully slow, despite the 3G connection.

Haptic feedback has a lighter touch than the Voyager, though when you scroll through a list, it does this weird undulating vibration wave throughout the entire phone, which is both neat and slightly unnerving. Since it's so beta (dare I say buggy?), it's hard to gauge its true iPhone-killing potential right now, but we'll be keeping our eye on it. (Props to Dave Zatz for letting us jack his iPhone for the size-off.)

Benny Bathes for Giz: Kohler VibrAcoustic Tub is T-Tastic

Benny Goldman — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:50:00 EDT

The suckas at Kohler wanted me to try out their new VibrAcoustic tub today, but I already took a bath this morning. I sent that one bathtubbin' fool in my place, and while I may go Clubber Lang on him for trying to impersonate the T, this tub looks pretty sweet.

The bath brings lights, music and vibrations together to create a relaxing atmosphere. Four presets of new age music and soft lighting are included, but if you can only relax with Public Enemy and flashing strobes like me, everything is adjustable and the tub streams songs from your PC or Mac. One thing that threw off my man Mr. G was the vibration of the tub. Vibrating pulses pass through your body, but they sound much more intense than they feel. Fool thought he was getting a massage, but he was just shaken up a bit at best. Either way, it's a nice way to chill out and get clean. But for $13,000, they could at least install a milk fountain! [Kohler]

Thanks to Sam Mindel for the video help!

Toshiba Satellite Laptops: New Fusion Look, Charge-Anytime USB Ports, Cheaper Prices

Wilson Rothman — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:20:00 EDT

Mr. T's favorite laptop maker rolled out slick, useful and budget-minded updates to its Satellite line today. First up, the 13.3" U400, 14.1" M300, 15.4" A300 and 17" P300 have a new look called "Fusion," a shiny finish with pinstripes and smoothed edges, not unlike that sucka HP's successful smooth-n-shiny-n-pinstripey look. The eight shots in the gallery make the design look a bit greenish, so we'll have to wait to pass final judgment. It's one thing to look nice on the outside, but like T, these have a lot going on on the inside, too...

The laptops will all have "Feather-Touch" multimedia touch-sensitive keys and a webcam with facial-recognition security login, presumably more for fun than true security. They will all also have Sleep-and-Charge USB ports, which will charge stuff even when the laptop is asleep or powered down, provided the laptop is plugged into a wall socket.

At the same time, Toshiba introduced two totally new laptops, the A200, with a starting price of $600 including 15.4" widescreen, DVD SuperMulti drive 160GB drive, 1GB of RAM and an AMD Athlon 64 X2 Dual-Core processor. The company also introduced the 17" L350 with built-in webcam, ATI Radeon X1250 graphics and DVD SuperMulti drive for $750. [Toshiba releases: Redesigned laptops; Cheap laptops]

Velocity Mobile Enters Windows Mobile Smartphone Market With 103, 111

Jason Chen — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:20:00 EDT

Does the world need yet another company making Windows Mobile phones? Maybe, maybe not, but Velocity Mobile is doing it anyway with their Velocity 103 (left) and 111 (right) smartphones. Both are running Windows Mobile 6.1 and will launch in Q2 and Q3 respectively. What's this have to do with Mr. T? You can't spell Velocity without T, fool. Plus Mr. T likes smartphones.

The 103 has a 2.8-inch touchscreen with 640x480 resolution, Wi-Fi, AGPS, and no keyboard. The 111 has a front-facing keyboard, which cuts the resolution down to 320x240 on a 2.46-inch screen. This also has Wi-Fi and AGPS. Both phones have a 2-megapixel back camera and a 0.3-megapixel front video camera for conferencing. [Velocity Mobile]

Why You're a Momma's Boy

Jason Chen — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 14:50:00 EDT

Who you callin' a momma's boy? Me? That's right. T's proud to love my momma! You should too. Here's some scientist explainin' why being a momma's boy is natural. I don't need no science to explain that punk. Mr. Scientist, I got three words for you. Respect yo momma! [Sciencentral]

Mr. T-Mobile Warns Mr. Engadget Mobile Over the Color Magenta

Kit Eaton — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 14:20:10 EDT

Mr. T says I'm crazy and he may be right. I'm a bird! I'm a plane! I'm a choo-choo train! But Mr.T-Mobile is the only crazy one: they requested Engadget Mobile to stop using their shade of magenta in his logo because it may lead to "confusion in the marketplace." Their shade of magenta? I've known magenta since she was a kid! She was called Cynthia back then. Don't worry Mr. Block, it'll all pass. Just hold your breath, and remember your exercises! [Engadget via Gadget Lab]

T-Mobile Gets BlackBerry 8120 With Wi-Fi and Hotspot@Home

Jason Chen — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:40:00 EDT

Who knew my son would grow up to not only be an international superstar, but the president of a cellular company? And what a nice company it is, getting this fancy Blackberry 8120 with Wi-Fi. It's already been on AT&T, but AT&T don't have no Hotspot@Home calling support for Voice over IP. Makes a momma proud.

· Wi-Fi support for both voice and data
· Updated visual interface with new font rendering technology and graphic enhancements
· Advanced media player with full-screen video playback, stereo Bluetooth® support and 3.5 mm stereo headphone jack
· Enhanced SureType keyboard system with word completion, spell check and easier editing of misspelled words.
· 2-megapixel camera with video recorder
· An external microSD/SDHC memory card slot
· Support for High Speed USB for data transfers up to 10 MB/s.

[Crunchgear]

ClarityLife Phone: Good For Me and My Momma

Wilson Rothman — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:20:00 EDT

If you're like me, you worry about your momma, even if you're just runnin' out to the grocery store. I used to like the Jitterbug, but ClarityLife phone might be what I should get her. It's got a big screen cuz her eyes aren't so good anymore, and it's got an amplifier that brings incoming voices up by 20 dB, cuz her ears aren't like they used to be either. There's a one-touch button on the back that will call and send text messages to five pre-programmed names, so if she takes a spill she can call for help. Best of all, no contract. What is my momma gonna do with 800 minutes of talktime? She'll talk for 800 minutes, but she doesn't need a phone to do it. Even if you don't buy her some fancy new old-person's phone, remember, treat your mother right. [Clarity Products]

Sola Unagi: A Solar Generator to Charge Your Stuff, Suckas

Kit Eaton — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:00:18 EDT

Yo! You may not know it but I'm a caring kinda guy. I worry about the environment: my fist's gonna see you later if you don't too. So you guys should check out the Sola Unagi generator, made by Fuji Technologies. Weighs just 22 pounds, and even you weaklings could carry that. It's got two solar cells, and the rechargeable battery will run your laptop for up to six hours, and a mini fridge for four. Hell, you can even charge 20 cellphones at the same time if you like. It's designed to help people in developing countries, but using it here will cut down on your power use. $1,360 each. [Red Ferret]

John Mayer Gets Apple Reply after Bug Report Jibba-Jabba

jesusdiaz — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 12:40:00 EDT

It looks like writing "John Mayer here" really works to get Apple's attention when you report a problem. According to Steve Jobs' fab guitarist, they got back to him directly only four days after he sent the bug report ramblings:

...four days later, I received an e-mail from my manager saying that Apple was at my service. Word of my problem initially made it's way to Apple not by way of my public profile, but by a technician receiving the report as they would anyone else's and passing it along internally until word reached my friends at the company.

Well, John, sorry to bust the bubble, but if you start your bug reports saying you are John Mayer, of course your manager is going to get a mail from Apple. The support guy who took care of Mayer had this to say:

"We take crash reports seriously on our side, because for us it's just like being able to talk directly with the customer while the problem is happening. The information that we get from the automated system is perfect for helping us solve the problem, and obviously the customers comments can take it one step further."

We bet that Apple takes reports seriously, but have you ever got anyone from Apple—or any other company—sending you an email from a bug report? [John Mayer —thanks Robbie]

Guest Editor's Answer: Mr. T has sent hundreds of bug reports about Safari breaking down and never got ANYTHING back from those Apple suckas! Here's my latest report:

Hello suckas! Mr. T here. I was trying to do some of editing today for this tech site and the crazy Safari crashed! I pity the fool who goes out tryin' a' take over da world with their browser, then runs home cryin' to his momma! So listen to me, suckas! You're going to fix this! Or I'm gonna kill that crazy Jobs! Sincerely, Mr. T

And then I added a picture of genitals drawn in ASCII code!

Strip Down Windows to the Bare Essentials

Jason Chen — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 12:35:40 EDT

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them maybe you can hire...the A Team...to strip down Windows to the Bare Essentials. I ain't tweakin no registry, fool! [Lifehacker]

Windows Mobile 6.1 Gets Official, No More Rumor Nonsense

Jason Chen — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 12:30:00 EDT

All you business fools who've been waiting for Windows Mobile 6.1 can all relax. It's here. And it's supporting all kinds of jibba jabba technologies like a new Internet Explorer Mobile with IE6 tech and h.264, Adobe Flash and Microsoft Silverlight support. There's also even more stuff for your I.T. crew (I put the T in I.T.) such as better System Center Mobile Device Manager 2008 (only the suckas at Microsoft would name a product like this) and Exchange Server 2007 SP1 support. And here's a big list of new and old phones that are getting the update:

• Mobile operators:
- Alltel Wireless: HTC PPC6800, HTC Touch
- AT&T: Samsung BlackJack II, MOTO Q 9h global, Pantech duo, AT&T Tilt by HTC
- Sprint: A new Palm Treo and updates for the Mogul by HTC, Touch by HTC, MOTO Q 9c, Samsung ACE
- T-Mobile International: T-Mobile MDA Ameo 16 GB, T-Mobile MDA compact IV

• Device-makers:
- ASUS: New phones including the P320, ZX1, P560, M536 and updates for the P527, P750, M930
- HTC: A new Touch Dual for the U.S. and updates for the AT&T Tilt, Touch by HTC, Mogul by HTC from Sprint, TyTN II
- i-mate: 8502, 9502, 8150, 6150
- Intermec: CN3
- Motorola: MOTO Q 9c, MOTO Q 9h global, MC70, MC9000
- Pantech: Pantech duo
- Samsung: BlackJack II
- Toshiba: Portégé G810,Portégé G910

24-Carat Gold iPhone Isn't 24-Carat Gold Enough

Mark Wilson — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 12:10:00 EDT

Mr. T likes his multi touch gestures, but doesn't like the lack of gold. Aside from the leather back in this new model, Mr. T needs to know why the screen isn't golden even if he does enjoy catching his reflection from time to time in the iPhone's mirror-like finish. Hey Mr. Goldstriker International! Give Mr. T the solid gold iPhone that Mr. T wants before he calls Mr. Steve Jobs with your tonsils. Or his iPhone that's only kind of gold. [goldstriker]

AT&T to Introduce Pro-Rated Termination Fees in May

AddyDugdale — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 11:30:51 EDT

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Being a soldier of fortune, the words "early termination" mean sumthin' different to me. Like death, maybe. Now then, if my buddies and me were still fixin' problems with bad jivin' people, mobile carriers such as at&t might be high up on our list. But now those money-grabbin' overlords at what you've been callin' the Death Star have changed their tune—maybe they heard the AT&Team was after them—and, from May 25, will offer pro-rated terminations. At the moment you're meant to stump up $175 to blast your contract into no-man's land, but this will reduce by five bucks each month. Looks like they're copy-cattin' what Verizon did back in 2006. Still nothin' from Sprint and T-Mobile. I said, still nothing from Sprint and T-Mobile. [Consumerist]

Mr. T's Favorite Gadget

Mark Wilson — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 11:28:00 EDT

We hope Mr. T sees a Mr. Check from this thing. [yque]

Flower Filament Lamp, Lights With a Bloom. Not a Boom, Fool

Kit Eaton — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 10:49:15 EDT

Hey ladies— I wanna show you my lamp. No, no, really: it's just a lamp. It looks like a light bulb, and only lights up when you put a flower inside. See, I can be tremulous and tender too. Say what? There's a bug on the flower? I'll squash that bug, man! Squash it good! *SMASH*. Uh ... Hey Ha-Na Yeom, designer person, can I get another? [Yanko design]

Van-Tastic: VZ Navigator Gets Traffic Avoidance, Gas Finder, 3D View

Wilson Rothman — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 10:45:00 EDT

Verizon's latest VZ Navigator update adds popular features already found in other mobile navi software like Telenav. The big one is traffic avoidance: in 75 cities, routes will be plotted using reliable historical traffic data along with realtime reports from Navteq Traffic. VZW doesn't say how frequently the realtime reports are updated. Also coming to the update are movie-and-event local search—no word on info provider—and a gas finder, with not just locations but up-to-date pricing at many stations as well. Normally, my instinct is to say, "Don't tell me how to drive, fool!" but traffic avoidance, that's some jibba jabbrin' T could actually put up with. Press release and list of cities after the jump.

VERIZON WIRELESS UNVEILS TRAFFIC AVOIDANCE AND OTHER NEW FEATURES ON POPULAR VZ NAVIGATOR SERVICE
LAS VEGAS and BASKING RIDGE, N.J. - From CTIA WIRELESS 2008, Verizon Wireless, the owner and operator of the nation's most reliable wireless voice and data network, and Networks In Motion (NIM), the award-winning wireless navigation and hyper-local search company, announced today that the newest version of VZ NavigatorSM will be available in April on select consumer phones and Windows Mobile devices. With the new VZ Navigator (Version 4), customers in 75 cities from coast to coast will be able to access traffic incidents, traffic updates and find detours around traffic congestion and accidents; more cities are expected to be added in the coming year. In addition, VZ Navigator will offer 3D perspective view, a movie and events finder, weather reports and forecasts, and gas prices at nearby gas stations.

Powered by Networks In Motion, Verizon Wireless' VZ Navigator service is a location-based service (LBS) application that utilizes GPS technology and real-time information feeds. When the new version launches in April, customers in 75 cities will be able to access the new traffic integration feature. In these markets, routes will be calculated using both historical and real-time reported traffic information - the historical information will allow customers to see on average whether the traffic is impacted by traffic lights, heavy traffic or school zones. VZ Navigator's historical data covers over 750,000 miles of roads in 48 states across the nation, making travel time estimates more accurate. The incident and flow information will tell customers how traffic is flowing, and will include details about reported accidents, disabled vehicles and congestion. NIM's Traffic Tracking Center continually monitors conditions along the customers' routes, sending proactive alerts to drivers about conditions ahead of them on their chosen routes. Detour options allow for comparison of ETA and conditions, before selecting a new route. Traffic information is powered by NAVTEQ Traffic.

Lee Daniels, vice president of consumer product development for Verizon Wireless, said, "Real-time reported traffic information and more allows our customers to truly transform their wireless phones into powerful navigation systems, at a fraction of the cost of other GPS devices. When Networks In Motion adds additional functionality to our VZ Navigator service, it enhances our customers' overall wireless experiences."

Other new features customers can expect to see on VZ Navigator (Version 4) include:

* Local Movies and Events - Customers can now search for show times, critics' ratings and other details for movies, concerts, plays, sporting events and other social events based on the physical location of their phones.
* 3D Perspective View - Enhances navigation by displaying maps from angles customers would see through car windshields, making it easier to visualize turn-by-turn directions.
* Gas Finder - Provides customers with information on the location of gas stations close to their physical location and even provides gas prices at many gas stations in the area. Once a customer selects a station, VZ Navigator can also provide turn-by-turn directions to the selected gas station.
* Weather - Provides current weather conditions and forecasts based on the physical location of their phones without manually inputting an address.

Pricing

The newest version of VZ Navigator (Version 4) will be available next month for $9.99 for unlimited monthly access or $2.99 for one-day use on select Get It Now®-enabled phones in the Get Going section under Travel & Guides or Featured Apps. In addition, VZ Navigator (Version 4) will also be available on select Windows Mobile devices. Airtime or megabyte charges and specific terms of use apply when browsing, downloading and using the application. Traffic integration is only available in certain areas. Verizon Wireless customers who currently have a subscription to VZ Navigator can get a free upgrade by simply selecting Options from the main screen of VZ Navigator then selecting Check for Updates. For more information on VZ Navigator, visit www.verizonwireless.com/vznavigator.

For more information about Verizon Wireless products and services, visit a Verizon Wireless Communications Store, call 1-800-2 JOIN IN or go to www.verizonwireless.com.

VZ Navigator's traffic capabilities will be available on most major highways in the following markets at launch:

Alabama

* Birmingham
* Mobile

Arizona

* Phoenix
* Tucson

Arkansas

* Little Rock

California

* Fresno
* Los Angeles
* Sacramento
* San Diego
* San Francisco
* San Jose

Colorado

* Colorado Springs
* Denver

Connecticut

* Hartford

Florida

* Jacksonville
* Miami
* Naples
* Orlando
* Sarasota
* Tampa
* West Palm Beach

Georgia

* Atlanta

Illinois

* Chicago

Indiana

* Indianapolis

Kentucky

* Louisville

Louisiana

* New Orleans

Maine

* Portsmouth

Maryland

* Baltimore

Massachusetts

* Boston

Michigan

* Detroit
* Grand Rapids

Minnesota

* Minneapolis

Missouri

* Kansas City
* St. Louis

Nebraska

* Lincoln
* Omaha

Nevada

* Las Vegas

New Mexico

* Albuquerque

New York

* Albany
* Buffalo
* New York
* Rochester
* Syracuse

North Carolina

* Charlotte
* Greensboro
* Raleigh

Ohio

* Cincinnati
* Cleveland
* Columbus
* Dayton
* Toledo

Oklahoma

* Oklahoma City
* Tulsa

Oregon

* Portland

Pennsylvania

* Allentown
* Harrisburg
* Lancaster
* Philadelphia
* Pittsburgh
* Wilkes-Barre
* Wilmington

Rhode Island

* Providence

South Carolina

* Greenville

Tennessee

* Memphis
* Nashville

Texas

* Austin
* Dallas
* Houston
* San Antonio

Utah

* Salt Lake City

Virginia

* Norfolk
* Richmond

Washington

* Seattle
* Spokane

Washington, D.C.

Wisconsin

* Milwaukee

China Had Better Turn Off Its Firewall During the Olympics, Or Else

Adam Frucci — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 10:06:46 EDT

With the Olympics coming up, the pressure is mounting on China to turn off its countrywide firewall so journalists can cover the games uninhibited. While it's a part of the "host city contract" that Beijing agreed to when accepting its role as host of the games, whether or not China will actually follow through has come into doubt with recent censorship surrounding China's human rights abuses in Tibet. Oh, and, uh, Mr. T doesn't approve of censorship or human rights abuses. Fool. Am I doing this right? [Reuters]

I Ain't Gettin' In No Rubber Tub, Fool. Oh, Alright, If You Insist

AddyDugdale — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 09:36:00 EDT

Just what the hell fool came up with this idea? Let me just put my T-focals on and read you what the blurb says. "A soft tub for the body. For children and adults. For play and healing. In the garden or the stylish bathroom." Healing? HEALING? What kinda fool tub gives you healing??? It gives you cleaning, that's what a tub gives you. It's made of EDPM rubber and cork, and I have a message for the sucka behind the design. Ole Jensen? I think you wear panty hose! [pan-dan via SwissMiss]

T Pities Fool Who Bids on Hacked Fujitsu U810 With Live Virus "Still Present"

Wilson Rothman — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 09:15:00 EDT

Shane Macaulay, the hacker who beat a Vista-powered Fujitsu in last week's CanSec West PWN 2 OWN contest has listed the UMPC—with virus "still likely present"—on eBay. Some say this might be Macaulay's idea of a joke, but T doesn't think it's funny when hackers joke around with exploits, especially an Adobe Flash exploit that might "affect 90 percent of computers worldwide." Mac's alleged rationale:

This laptop is a good case study for any forensics group/company/individual that wants to prove how cool they are, and a live example, not canned of what a typical incident responce sitchiation [sic] would look like.

Note: We can't spot an April 1 listing of any Fujitsu U810 on eBay. [InfoWorld]

Prox Dynamics Black Hornet: World's Smallest UAV, Too Small for Mr. T

Kit Eaton — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 08:50:56 EDT

I'm no sissy, but I don't like airplanes. And man, don't be shouting "eclipse" or I'll get angry! But I like this helicopter: it's so small, much better than that big Boeing thing. They say it's the "worlds smallest and most capable Unmanned Aircraft System". The Black Hornet is designed to aid soldiers in the field, or allow rescuers to get a camera into dangerous places. It's got a tiny camera in, you see, like a suped-up toy. Any sucker can carry it in a pocket and launch it by hand. It's 4 inches big and weighs just 20 grams. 20 grams? What kinda fool weight is that? Say 0.04 pounds! Should be flyin' in '09. Unlike me. [Prox dynamics via Pop Sci]

Inflatable Pub Is No Place For Kids, Fools

Mark Wilson — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 08:48:00 EDT

This is Mr T, on the case
Tellin' you inflatable pubs aren't the place
To hang with friends af-ter school
Because it just makes you a fool

Break Down
Break Down

So when you're lonely, when you're all alone
Just call Mr T on the tel-e-phone
Dial 2 1 7 5 3 0 9
And you'll hear Mr T on the line

It won't really be me of course
But it also won't be some talk-ing horse
The Mr. T tape will quell your worries
OK I gotta go, I'm in a hurry.

Break Down
Break Down

[dailyrecord via luxurylaunches]

BenQ Takes T's Name in Vain with New T60 Mobile

AddyDugdale — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 08:04:00 EDT

Don't know who BenQ is, but sucka's been taking my name in vain. Look at his new cellphone—T60 he calls it—is like me, but then it's not like me. So, let's look at it in detail, shall we? It's black. That's like me. It's slim. That's not like me.

One thing it does have a handy little thing to let you block calls, which means that fool Murdock can't bug me no more, pretending to be Hulk Hogan. Funnily enough, my fist does the same job. What else is like me?

It's got 24MB internal memory. That's not like me. It's got an integrated stereo FM radio with scheduled recording function. Not like me. Micro SD card slot. Not like me either. Bluetooth? NOT LIKE ME. USB connectivity? Mr. Period. T is getting angry now. Standby is 200 hours—yeah, I can do that. Finally, jibber-jabber time is just three hours. That all? What do you think T stands for? [MobileWhack]

ReWalk Exoskeleton Leaves T So Speechless He Can't Finish the Headline

AddyDugdale — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 08:00:26 EDT

Now, if you're a superhuman hero gold chain on legs like me, you don't need this ReWalk exo-skeleton. But there's plenty of people out there who do, such as paraplegics who need to be taught to walk again. Here's the jibber-jabber: Israeli company Taga designed it for Argo Technologies and it uses SolidWorks' 3D CAD software. Doctors and stuff are testing it at the moment and the ReWalk should be available by 2009, which can only be a good thing. Plenty guys I knew in Vietnam ended up in wheelchairs, shot by bullets that maimed. Why we didn't use magic A-Team bullets over there is just beyond me. [MedGadget]

SIM2, Dolby's High Dynamic Range TV: For Quality A-Team Viewing

Kit Eaton — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 07:41:51 EDT

Hey kids! Mr. T here, tellin' you that watching too much TV is bad for you. But if you're stuck inside, maybe you're sick with a cold or something, then this new TV by Dolby and SIM2 Multimedia might be good. It's got some cool local-dimming LED technology —1,838 of the suckas— that dynamically adjust backlighting for the best picture. They say it's got infinite contrast ratio: no shit! Guess that's the High Dynamic Range part. Has 1920 x 1080 pixels, 46-inch screen and is designed by an Italian-sounding guy. Giorgio Revoldini. Say What? You want to buy it? It's a protoype, sucka. [7 Gadgets]

Google Docs Get Offline Support, T Not Happy

Haroon Malik — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 06:51:51 EDT

Google is furthering the migration of pretty much everything to the cloud by offering offline Google Docs support, which will be powered by Google Gears. Effectively, the applications you use will have data stored locally until you get back in range of your Wi-Fi hotspot, where updating will then occur seamlessly. The functionality will start to roll out in the coming week, with some users being granted immediate access.

Everything will still function via your web browser, meaning you won't have to load up additional applications to take advantage of the offline / online goodness. Eager to share some of the limelight, Zoho has also begun to offer the very same feature. I've always preferred Zoho's online productivity suite, but the speed has frequently been an issue. I very much doubt the planned offline support will ease the problem.

Mr T isn't happy, because having to log on to use Google Docs is one of the last excuses he has to stay on the ground and outta the damn plane. T just hopes Hannibal doesn't find out about this. [Google Docs Blog]

Steampunk Vader Mask Makes Me Look Like Darth Kaiser

jesusdiaz — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 06:10:00 EDT

Mr. T doesn't understand all this jibba-jabba about Star Wars and steam punk! I ain't gettin into hyperspace, Han! They need Mr. T to install'em a new engine and shielding in da Falcon! And I pity that chump, Darth Vader, always having to wear that stupid mask. But I like this gold steampunked mask and chest thing 'cause I like the paint job and the nozzles! You heard me, suckas? NOZZLES! Jump to see all the pictures 'cause I'm heading to eBay to buy it!

[eBay via Star Wars Blog]

Buckle-less Belt Goes Against All T's Principles

AddyDugdale — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 05:54:00 EDT

Yeah, me again. I got into the Gizmodo office using a trebuchet Hannibal and I constructed from a drainpipe, a coupla ball bearings, some old tyre rubber that I ripped with my bare hands and a buckle-less belt. Now this ain't no infomercial brought to you on the ~~QVC~~QVT shopping channel, but I am Mr T and I approve this message. When I first heard about the Buckle-less belt, I thought, "What the hell is a buckle-less belt? Is it like a zipless fuck?

(Sorry Momma, I know you don't like me to cuss, but it's it's a quote from a famous book by a learned author, you know?) And yeah, I guess you're surprised that I read Erica Jong. Hell, I'm surprised I read Erica Jong. I like her. If you don't know her, she wrote a book way back in the Seventies, when I was still in 'Nam—or was I in military prison, framed for a crime I did not commit?—memory's a bit woozy these days. Anyway, this book, it's called Fear of Flying, so of course I picked it up. Well, Face gave it to me, actually, said some ladyfriend of his had recommended it. So, I starts reading it, thinking it'll cure all my travel woes. Nope. No, it had absolutely bugger fuck nuthin', sorry Mamma, to do with gettin' on a plane. Well, it sort of is, but it mostly isn't.

But T's getting off the subject here. Don't push him off the buckle-less belt. It's made by Sruli Recht, it comes in three sizes—three, four and five cm—and four colors, three of which I approve (flesh, bone, rust) one of which I don't (ash, don't smoke, kids. And respect your Momma). It's cut using a jet of water and made in Iceland. Oh, and before I go, get one thing straight, fool, I don't like Ice. I don't like Ice-T. And so it goes without saying I probably don't like people from Iceland. [Cool Hunting]

HPI's G-Dog Robot Kit Ain't No Aibo, Big Dog

Kit Eaton — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 05:00:06 EDT

Yo, suckers! You want this robot dog to guard your home? You're a nut! Mr. T only likes Big Dogs or hot dogs! HPI's little G-Dog thing is way too small, like Murdoch's stupid dog Billy. And it's some kind of kit, so you got to be putting all those fiddly parts like plastic pieces, three-axis acceleration sensor, servos and 7.2V nickel hydrogen batterys together. With no spark-welding, man! But if you're into this crazy robot stuff: I ain't gonna stop you. You're gonna have 15 x 5.3 x 7.5 inches of robot with some crazy motion processing software stuff, and it's gonna be doing robo-doggy do on your desk. What's it gonna cost? Cool it: we don't know the price. But you can get it from July, in Japan. [Robot Watch]

Green House Telephoto Kit Gives 8x Zoom to Cellphones, Superman, Fools

Haroon Malik — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 04:25:00 EDT

Hey, fool! Why would I need a 8x cellphone zoom lens, complete with additional universal handset tripod and holder? That's right, I wouldn't, because B.A's eyesight is better than Superman's. Still, for those without Mr. T's 40:40 vision, Green House is doing a good thing releasing their Telephoto Kit. B.A. don't know nothing about pricing or shipping dates, but he does know that if Superman were ever to come up against him, he'd pity that fool. And if you need the Green House Telephoto Kit, I pity you, fool! Now, I'm gonna go crush Balboa's head in. Balboa, you ain't Rocky, you just cocky and I'm gonna snap you like a Pocky! Arghh! [Akihabara News]

Lightning Review: VholdR Wearable Sport Camcorder

Brian Lam — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 03:30:10 EDT

In honor of the upcoming Tahoe reader meetup on April 5th at Alpine Meadows, I'm going to be doing end of season reviews of some outdoor gadgetry that's been floating around the cabin.
The Gadget: A camera meant for outdoor junkies. Has laser pointers for aiming the cam, helmet, handlebar, and goggle mounts, and a waterproofed case. Records to 640 x 480 quality MPEG-4 video in decent quality. 50 minutes per GB. Aluminum and fiberglass case.

The Performance: Two hours of battery life. Doesn't feel like its top quality in build. Slightly grainy, but videos are perfectly acceptable. (That's a link to the company's vids, which are representative, but also a lot more interesting than my bunny hops. Charges by USB. For $350, I wish it came with a MicroSD card. Thumbs up. [Guest editor's note: Thumbs up? What do you mean thumbs up, sucker? Who is going to wear that thing on his head, you fool? Only fools like you and Murdoch, that's who! I ain't getting that thing on my head!]

Craigslist Sellers Flagging Reasonably Priced Wiis To Increase Profits, Piss Me Off

Jason Chen — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 03:15:00 EDT

Didn't these people's mammas teach them right? What kind of fool would take a reasonably priced listing for $250 on this Craigslist for a Nintendo Wii and flag it as inappropriate? The kinda fool that wants to sell their own for $350 and get rid of all the competition. These people got pea brains, and they're punks on top of that. It's time for T to head down to the Slickdeals forums and show these suckas why Mr. T puts the T in I.T. Has it occurred to you that Mr. T is good at computers? Mr. T won't stand for this price gouging.

I Bring Little Boy Out of a Coma With Nothing But My Presence

Jason Chen — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 03:00:00 EDT

Mr. T doesn't need no science or no brain pressure reliever. Mr. T can bring children out of comas by just going to their rooms. See exhibit T, a boy who was unlucky enough to fall into a coma some time in the mid-1980s. All I had to do is go to his hotel room, say some words, close the curtains, and by the time I was walking out of the hospital the kid was out of his coma! How did they know this kid was a fan of Mr. Me? Because whenever my name came up, his arm twitched! That's how! What did you think? Don't ask questions you already know the answer to. I'm Mr. T, and I bring kids out of comas! *Grunt* [Yahoo]