This not be fer the piratically inclin'd such as meself an' me hearties.

Personally, I be preferrin' me computin' be done on more liquor-themed items. Why, jes' t'other night, me server be actin' up so I be smashin' an empty rum bottle o'er th' case. It not be havin' lag issues now. Nothin' be fixin' a troublesome iMac quite like a floggin' an' a night spent lash'd t' th' riggin'.

Fer the record, a floggin' an' a night spent lash'd t' th' riggin' is how I deal wi' most o' me problems. Ladies, this cap'n be available.

But I git lost while waxin' piratical about th' sex lives o' pirates (git yer mind off th' poop deck, lubber!). This ninja "solution", like all things ninja, sounds great but in practice, be a waste of space. If yer computer be actin' up or needin' memory or what have ye, just beat it round the case with a batten or smash it wi' a bottle or stab it wi' yer cutlass (or machete if tha' be yer preference).

This be especially true if ye be havin' an expensive piece o' kit. The more pieces of eight ye be spendin' on yer 'puter, the more damage they be able t' be takin'.

If ye be havin' a Mac Pro an' matchin' 30" Cinema display, I be suggestin' ye be fixin' it wi' powder. A broadside from a cannon be settin' it right.

Enough of me jawin'. Get fixin' yer computer wi' blunt force, mateys. I be wantin' t' hear glass an' plastic fly.

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These be aim'd at addle-brain'd ninja (be thar enny oth'r kind). We pirates be more fis'lly sound with our booty.

Fer example, I be havin' a diversified portfolio that be spread b'twixt high risk/high yield emergin' mark'ts along the spice routes, foreign currency options, an' energy producers, with a hefty share o' the doubloons in bridge loans fer municipal projects an' th' like.

Jes' t' be safe, I be keepin' a goodly lot in Vanguard mutual funds. Th' fund managers daughter be me hostage an' I be remindin' him tha' enny yield below 10% annual be resultin' in her pretty head bein' lopp'd off.

Lastly, I be puttin' me monies in recession proof places like liquor an' gamblin' an' whorin'. An' pictures of kittens. Everybody be lovin' pictures o' kittens.

As an added insurance policy, I bury 10% of me capital gains as defin'd in a little known loophole o' th' tax code.

Ninjas be too thick-skulled t' be doin' enny retirement plannin' which be why they be buyin' wastin' assets like these. An' also why they be runnin' around all day in pyjamas and havin' to live in shared apartments wi' data entry clerks.

B'sides, were anythin' like this t' be aim'd at pirates, th' price would be higher but tha' be irrelevant because we pirates be jus' takin' what we be wantin'

Stupid ninjas.

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Any of you should feel free to get them for me.

Thank you.

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