Gizmodo: novelties

Finally, A Phone That Only Dials 1-900 Numbers

Mark Wilson — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 17:00:00 EDT

We've searched far and wide, and at long last, we've found a phone that won't make any pesky normal phone calls. OK, technically it won't make any phone calls, but let's not harp on details.

Hotline is an adult novelty, aka repackaged children's toy that didn't sell well and/or offended the public. Here's how the magic happens:

Hotline ["calls"] direct to your favourite 1900 number!!! Press to listen to one of the lovely ladies. Speak to Sunshine, Bambi and they will get you hot! 2 x AA Battery Included

While I'm sure that Sunshine and Bambi are quite charming, nothing kills the mood set by low bitrate dirty talk like knowing you've gotta hunt down some AAs. Am I right? $19. [Aussie Gadgets via Nerd Approved]

Write-On Mug Leaves Revocable Trail of Evidence

Mark Wilson — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 09:30:00 EST

There's nothing I despise more than taking a sip of coffee and not having my day's list of appointments written an inch from my nose.

The Write-On Mug (complete with erasable mini pencil) solves this daily dilemma, and if I were willing to fork over $16 for the cup, I could write my schedule on it for today:

8:00am — Coffee and cereal
8:30am — Sift through Lucky Charms box for bonus marshmallows
9:00am — Sit monkey at computer
11:00am — Scold monkey for leaving bananas everywhere, again
11:30am — Apologize to monkey, thank him for years of service
11:31am — Leave for simultaneous massage/smoothie/enema lunch
1:00pm — Write a few emails
1:15pm — Take nap
4:59pm — Wake
5:00pm — Sign offline for the day, sit monkey in front of Xbox

[fredflare via Nerd Approved]

Kill Shot Pillow From Keetra Looks Bloody Comfortable

Wilson Rothman — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 10:43:31 EST

It's called The Great Slumber, or just Bloody Puddle, a pillow that looks like you took one too many bullets to the head. The site says it will be for sale soon, though something tells us it won't be ready in time for Christmas. Which is all for the best: God knows what would happen if your grandma walks into the spare bedroom and sees you sleeping on it. [FromKeetra via productdose.com]

Mr. White Collar Gives You Three Insults in One

Charlie White — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 11:44:01 EST

Any way we look at it, this Mr. White Collar Calvaire Pen Holder and Message Stand leaves us nonplussed. WTF? Is this supposed to insult black people, christians, white collar workers, racists ... everyone? While it does offer a place to hold one pen and helpfully includes a pad on which you can write messages, we're not sure what the message of its creators would be. Mind you, we're not endorsing this goofy desk accessory, just scratching our heads. Take your chances for $9.99. [Giz Fever]

USB Ferris Wheel Phone Stand Instead of a Ringtone?

Charlie White — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 10:40:07 EDT

Before you click the Play button above, we'd like to apologize for the obnoxious noise this USB Ferris Wheel Phone Stand makes. Turn your sound down, trust us. Place your cellphone in the slot next to this USB- or battery-powered mini-Ferris wheel, and whenever a phone call comes in, it automagically springs into action, taking its ten tiny cars for a circuitous ride while playing that god-awful cacophonous tune. If not for its mute switch, I'd pay its $27 price for it to be quiet. [USB Geek]

Light 'Em Up With This Pig Lighter

Charlie White — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:52:43 EDT

What's up with these weird smoking accessories lately? First we see the immoral cigarette extinguishing devices (NSFW), and now here's this crazy Pig Lighter that works when you push his goofy little hat back. Suddenly, flames come billowing out his nostrils like he's some kind of angry fire-breathing dragon. And then the clincher: When you want to refill him with butane, you stick that nozzle right up his ass. Weird. [Idea Topic, via TFTS]

Cigarette Extinguisher Design Reaches New Low of Moral Turpitude (NSFW)

Charlie White — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:30:00 EDT

Just when we thought we'd seen the most horrible and immoral cigarette extinguisher in the world, one of our best and brightest commenters points out yet another example, built in a similar vein but reaching even lower depths of depravity. Honestly, a butthole ashtray (or is it an asstray)? At least it could have been designed to accommodate a cigarette in an orifice meant for ingoing objects. Someone's got to put a stop to this immediately. Let's just be thankful there isn't orangeish-brown liquid spewing out of this butt-for-your-butts. The gallery on the next page shows all, but explains nothing (NSFW). [Nodaya]

Polly Want a Wireless Doorbell?

Charlie White — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 09:45:00 EDT

What, is this International Doorbell Week? The techno-doorbell scene continues its explosive growth and innovation, and following those two more-sophisticated MP3 doorbells we showed you earlier this week, this Chinese Recordable Parrot Wireless Doorbell approaches the realm of the absurd. This cheapshit $22 plastic bird is not like those doorbells, such as the ReBell and YourBell, both using your existing doorbell button and letting you plug your MP3s on board, but this one looks a lot better than they do and could be good for a few laughs.

Stick its wireless transmitting button outside your door, and it triggers the bird from up to 45 feet away, squawking over its 2-watt speaker either the included "birdsong" (and we're hoping that would have something to do with Polly wanting a cracker) or your own six-second prerecorded ditty. And no, the parrot's not dead, he's only sleeping. [Chinavasion, via Gizmodude]

HipDisk Musical Instrument, the Hula Hoop of Your Nightmares

Charlie White — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 08:19:14 EDT

As if the world needed yet another weird musical instrument, Danielle Wilde has created the hipDisk, a pair of doughnut-shaped platters activated with a series of movements that might be quite attractive with the right person doing them. The idea incorporates not just one of these noisemakers, but duets, trios, quartets or even choirs of such dancers/musician angels, filling the air with discord, rude noises and dissonance. It's not entirely clear why a bathing suit must be worn during the performance. Jump to the next page for the video, but we're warning you, get ready to turn the sound down.

There hasn't been such an obnoxious cacophony since that fart-lighting frat party some of us Gizmodians went to a couple of months ago. [hipDisk, via Oh Gizmo]

NOW Watch is Always Right

Charlie White — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 12:15:25 EDT

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day, but this watch is even more accurate: It's always right, because when someone asks you what time it is, just show them its face prominently displaying the word "NOW." But wait a minute, this is a fake watch. Damn. But you can't argue with its correctitude. For your humorless friends, just tell them it's a special precision timepiece supporting the National Organization for Women.

Addy, our British Gizmodian wordsmith/babe, says it stands for Nobs Out, Wankers. Either way, it's on sale for $49.95. Seems like a lot to pay just to lampoon your clock-watching friends. [Elevate Films, via This Next]

Hymn Book iPod Case Protects All Your Anthems

Charlie White — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 11:28:48 EDT

Okay all you Apple-worshiping sheep, here's a fitting enclosure for the object of your quasi-religious lust, letting you fold your iPod up into its own mini-hymnal. Designed for 30GB and 80GB iPods, just strap this $31.27 case onto your player and no matter what plagues befall you, all its anthems within will be safe to sing the praises another day. Next, we await a version that perfectly fits the holiest of holy JesusPhone.
Product Page [Crazy about Gadgets, via Red Ferret]

P40 Tigershark Warbird Ceiling Fan, Piloted by Wrong-Way Corrigan

Charlie White — Thu, 17 May 2007 14:40:00 EDT

Who wouldn't want to have a P40 Tigershark Warbird airplane poking through the ceiling, also functioning as a ceiling fan? This $200 prop doesn't include the rest of that WWII hotshot flier, but making up for that is the fact that it only uses the energy of a 75-watt lightbulb.

These fans aren't exactly brand-new tech, but they're cool in more ways than one, and it's just about getting hot enough to need one. Let's just hope that pilot bailed out before he planted his warbird into your roof. – Charlie White

Product Page [Tailwinds, via Oh Gizmo]

It's Not a Book, It's a Pillow

Charlie White — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 14:15:00 EDT

If you've ever awakened with the imprint of a book on your face, you probably wish you'd fallen asleep on one of these pillows that looks exactly like a way-thick textbook. Put one of these pillow/books on your desk and the boss might just think you're bookish enough to forgive you for sleeping on the job. You'd better be well-heeled for this pillow, though, it'll set you back $102. – Charlie White

A Book That Really Puts You To Sleep [The Uber Review]

Digg T-Shirt Says 'Bury Me'

Charlie White — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 10:17:53 EDT

Can't get enough of digg.com? Put your plea for diggs front and center with this T-shirt from NerdyShirts. Check out this toolish dude wearing the shirt with his strategically placed laptop and strained expression. WTF is he doing, anyway? One thing's for sure, he's begging to be buried. Not exactly the shirt to wear to the singles bar, Mr. Nerdy Pants.

As for the $20 shirt, at least they could have inscribed 4521 diggs on there instead of just the loneliest number, 1. The irony is that most people will have no idea what this shirt means and the other tiny percentage who do probably won't be impressed with its low indicator of popularity. Now if that number would just go higher every time someone poked you in the chest, NerdyShirts would be onto something here. – Charlie White

Product Page [NerdyShirts]

Doormat Says Go Away. No, Come In. No....

Charlie White — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 15:00:00 EDT

Here's the classic Go Away doormat with a twist: turn it upside down and it greets your guests with a cheery "Come In." It's not available yet, but will be soon. – Charlie White

Product Page [Suck UK, via Uncrate]

Play Your Chess and Eat It Too

Charlie White — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 09:02:38 EST

Now you can bake an entire chess set, including the chessboard, and captured pieces can be immediately devoured. Being checkmated isn't so bad any more, because that's when you can go ahead and scarf down the entire chessboard.

The artist, known as Biggles, hand-makes these brass cookie cutters, and would be more than happy to make a set for you at an undisclosed price. – Charlie White

Artist's Site [Odd Objects, via Neatorama]

Hard Drive Enclosure Looks Like a Hard Drive

Charlie White — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 08:46:04 EST

Okay, so now we're really getting confused. This is a USB 2.0 enclosure for your hard disk, and it looks like a hard disk. So what you're doing is putting a hard disk inside of an enclosure that looks like a hard disk. Is this what's called recursive humor?

Hit the gallery for more pics of this drive; see if you can wrap your head around this concept. Created by the department of redundancy department. Geek humor. We like. – Charlie White

The USB 2.0 enclosure for hard disks that looks like a hard disk! [Akihabara News]

Goofy Light Switches Might Turn You On

Charlie White — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 08:52:46 EST

Those Brits are a wacky bunch, decorating with tacky wallpaper and now topping it off with some of the most unusual light switches on the planet. Just turn this pool ball, dolphin or Mini Cooper clockwise to turn the lights on, and as you turn, it adjusts brightness, too.

Too bad these are all 400-watt switches, not usable in the US. Maybe this will give some enterprising switchmaker in the States some ideas. If you like to trick out your place with unusual light switches like we do, you'll be eagerly awaiting such a development. Check out three more of the switch choices, including one that's unquestionably our favorite, and then imagine the unlimited possibilities:

We're especially fond of that hippified VW Microbus. – Charlie White

Product Page [Boutique to You, via Spluch]

An Orange Clockwork

Charlie White — Tue, 06 Feb 2007 10:00:36 EST

Okay my little droogies, your humble narrator brings you a 10-inch timepiece that will remind you that it's time to stop listening to Ludwig Van and get back to the old in-out. You won't have to commit any of the ultra-viol to get one, either, because it's just $15.99. – Charlie White

Product Page [Ironic Sans]

Weird Combo of the Day: Free Batteries With Your Booze

Charlie White — Tue, 06 Feb 2007 09:10:08 EST

We've heard of getting a free ice cream scooper with the purchase of two boxer briefs, a free calculator with a pair of socks, and now you can get a couple of free Maxell batteries when you buy a bottle of Japanese grog, or as they call it, sake. Is this some kind of ancient samurai hangover cure?

C'mon, you're invited to send us a picture of the next Weird Combo of the Day! – Charlie White

Thanks, John!