The dark web isn’t the scary, pervert-riddled digital crime swamp that shows like CSI:Cyber portray it as. But until this week, dark web sites hidden with the .onion domain lacked some basic security features.
The Onion knocks it out of the park with this piece: “Comic Book Fans Adamant That Human Torch Be Played By Actor Whose Body Actually Engulfed In Flames.” It’s a, well, fantastic response to the uproar over Michael B. Jordan playing Johnny Storm in the upcoming Fantastic Four movie.
His technique may not be orthodox but it's definitely efficient. I timed it and he chops an onion in, roughly, ten seconds. Which is less than what it takes to do it with a domestic food processor—considering that you have to cut the onion first, put it in the machine, close the lid, chop it, and take it out again.
A Bizarre Alternate History. The Onion points to a strange work of far-fetched science fiction in which North America was occupied by millions of so-called "Native Americans" before Europeans arrived. Sounds like someone's ripping off Avatar again.
I'm sure the new Onion's TED parody is funny, but I was just too impatient to sit through all that talk about how we consume, digest and poop out news even before they are fully written. So I jumped to the end, when a dog eats an apple pie, a moment I've waited to see in detail since they released their series…
The semi-official Iranian news agency FNA has just published this news item: "Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad to Obama." But of course they do! Here's their complete text:
Fake news don't come cheap; The Onion has begun testing a paywall for its international readers. Under the current system, you get five free articles per month, after which it's $3/month or $30/year for access.
TheWorlds LargestWebsite.com, located in the center of town and featuring thousands upon thousands of long, scrolling pages of text and images, is an impressive computer-age curio. But to the people of Sunnyvale it's much more than just a roadside attraction: It's a point of pride-and an economic boon-in a corner of…
What is it that the unemployed need more than anything to get back on their feet? The Onion's panel of experts (mostly) agrees: Apple products. The worst part? Somewhere, someone without a job probably is plunking down a cool grand on a MacBook Pro refurb because learning graphic design is the only way out of his…
Oh, Onion. Sometimes your satire cuts so deep that it comes out the other side as near-fact: "Microsoft Word Now Includes Squiggly Blue Line To Alert Writer When Word Is Too Advanced For Mainstream Audience." [The Onion]
In today's remainders: The Onion visits CES; Recompute makes a cardboard PC; a robot spins on its head; and a helmet inspired by an armadillo.
It was bound to happen, so I'm not surprised: According to The Onion—reportedly America's finest news outlet—Apollo 11 Mission Commander Neil Armstrong has finally admitted that the Moon landings were fake and staged. All thanks to Ralph Coleman:
Lifehacker rounded up 10 of the best short cooking videos around, ranging from simple instruction (how to slice a mango, chop an onion) to more subtle tips like how to properly sauce pasta (it's different than you think).
Today's Onion News Network video attacks Google's scary-if-you-think-about-it access to all our browsing habits and personal data. If you want privacy, no problem: Just relocate to a giant boxlike mountain prison, and you'll be secure (and dead). Zing!