Galactic Empire Begins Invasion of San Francisco

Informed by the Bush Administration that a Rebel base is located in the heart of San Francisco, Imperial forces surrounded the city in advance of a full-scale invasion. While Imperial Admiral Piett promised administration officials that the assault would commence only if the Rebel forces fail to surrender by 8PM PDT… » 8/16/08 6:30pm 8/16/08 6:30pm

Vatican Buys Palm for $800 Million

Click to viewROME (Agencies) - The Vatican has bought Palm Inc. in an $800-million cash, stock, and souls deal, a move that analysts are calling a bold bid to reconvert the Catholic Church into the number one mobile operator for communication with God. The purchase is the culmination of Pope Benedict XVI's new push » 5/12/08 10:00am 5/12/08 10:00am

iPhone to Feature Unlimited Movie Downloads, 37-Foot Screen

After rumors of an extreme price-drop and black glossy appearance, new details about the iPhone 3G keep dripping like Princess Peach's bathroom faucet: a New York-based TV station has got exclusive details, pointing out in its news ticker that Apple's wonderphone will feature "unlimited movie downloads." The channel's… » 4/30/08 2:30pm 4/30/08 2:30pm

Battlestar Galactica Exclusive Spoilers, and 8-Minute Video Summary

Click to viewBattlestar Galactica! Starbuck! Fracking Battlestar Galactica! Today! Starbuck! Fraksters! Did you forget something about it? Shame on you! But don't worry: get up to speed with this 8-minute summary video of the whole series, you fracking Cylons! And then, skip the need to watch the Final Season by… » 4/04/08 1:00pm 4/04/08 1:00pm

Apple Opening Peepshows In Apple Stores Worldwide

LONDON, United Kingdom (Agencies). Following a successful pilot program in the London Apple Store, and perhaps too many caipirinhas at the Infinite Loop party which followed yesterday's iPhone SDK presentation, a visibly tipsy Steve Jobs announced the introduction of a new Peepshow feature in all Apple Stores… » 3/07/08 10:20am 3/07/08 10:20am

Hello Kitty Found Dead, Charred in Los Angeles

LOS ANGELES, California (Agencies) — Hello Kitty, actress, astrophysicist and acclaimed author of the play I Can Has Pink Cheezburger, has been found dead in her Los Angeles apartment on Tuesday, probably because of an accident with a home appliance and drug overdose. LAPD, however, is not ruling out other… » 2/05/08 4:00pm 2/05/08 4:00pm

MacBook Air Eject Key's Rumored Alternative Actions

In case you haven't noticed yet, there's an eject button at the top right corner of the MacBook Air keyboard. There's no disc drive, but you push it, something pops out. Somewhere. Click. Schwing. Poop. Some people say this key ejects the optional SuperDrive, but after countless—or maybe just three—days of in-deep… » 1/19/08 11:00am 1/19/08 11:00am

Darth Vader Leaves Galactic Empire CEO Job, Joins Rock Band

ORLANDO, FL. (Agencies) - Following disagreements with the Galactic Empire President and Emperor over the arrest of Santa Claus last year, Darth Vader resigned today from his post of Imperial CEO effective immediately. Citing personal reasons, Lord Vader's spokeswomen Lucy Lamarr pointed out that the Dark Lord will… » 1/18/08 11:40am 1/18/08 11:40am

Apple Introduces Manila Case—The World's Thinnest Notebook Case

Click to viewMACWORLD SAN FRANCISCO—January 16, 2008—Apple® today unveiled Manila® Case®, the world's thinnest case for the world's thinnest laptop, the MacBook Air. When empty, Manila Case measures an unprecedented 0.07-inches at its thinnest point, but its dynamically adaptable height goes up to a maximum of… » 1/16/08 9:00am 1/16/08 9:00am

Chandler Blinkers III Drowns at Panasonic's Waterproof Camera Showcase…

Today, a tragic event of dramatic proportions hit CES 2008 in Las Vegas: Chandler Blinkers III, affectionally known as Pit by everyone at Panasonic, died in the water tank at their booth. According to the press conference held by the company, the circumstances are still unknown and police is still investigating. "He… » 1/09/08 3:15pm 1/09/08 3:15pm

Area Man Parks Car On House Roof, Tells Police "GPS Made Me Do It"

CHICKASHA, Oklahoma (Agencies). Chickasha resident James McFarlan, a 45-year-old computer analyst and part-time fabric designer, drove this morning into Annie Svenson's home roof after what he referred to as an incident with his car GPS. "I told him [Sheriff Furillo] that my GPS made me do it. I was just driving when… » 1/04/08 5:40pm 1/04/08 5:40pm

Gizmodo Sues The Onion for Libel, Asks Drew Curtis for Legal Advice

LAKE TAHOE, Nevada (Agencies) — Popular technology blog and cocktail bar guide Gizmodo has sued leading international newspaper The Onion for libel, following the latter recent article on Microsoft Corp.'s (MFST) Zune 2 MP3 player's roaring success. » 12/23/07 4:00pm 12/23/07 4:00pm

Imperial Stormtroopers Arrest Santa, Emperor to Take Over Xmas

SANTA'S FACTORY, North Pole (Agencies) - An Imperial Stormtrooper commando broke into Santa's Factory on the North Pole yesterday evening, killing an undetermined number of elves, arresting the owner and confiscating his sled. Joe Kwazansky, local spokesman for the Evil Galactic Empire in Los Angeles, appeared in a… » 12/16/07 11:55am 12/16/07 11:55am