In earlier times, when English-speaking people wanted to get down and dirty, they might say they were playing at couch quail, engage in pup-noddy, make butter with one's tale, or ride a dragon upon Saint George. Want to brush up on your historical sexy slang? These charts can help.
It occurred to me recently, under conditions that I leave to your ample and likely sordid imagination (how dare you), that the very concept of "premature ejaculation" in human males is a strange one, at least from an evolutionary theoretical perspective.
Outside of humans and a few other primates, oral sex is a rare phenomenon. But researchers have found male fruit bats do enjoy a little oral stimulation, and that the reasons females offer it go beyond simple pleasure.
The eternal problem of keeping teeth away from penises has been solved by a dentist (naturally). It's called the BlowGuard.
This may or may not be real, but The Reg is appalled at Microsoft's dirty Santa IM bot after it started talking about oral sex and dirty bastards. The transcript is above, but even IM transcripts are pretty easy to fake. We remembered the hours we spent chatting up SmarterChild in lieu of having any real friends, so…