"Youtube" is the winner across all age groups, with Facebook and Google rounding out the top three. In the four hole, the teens and the tweens are both searching for "sex," which is just good life practice. But kids seven and under apparently prefer to skip the formalities and search for straight-up porn. That's more than Club Penguin, more than the Cartoon Network, and way more than Hannah Montana.

So three thoughts from this.

One: Hey, kids, stop searching for Google. It doesn't make any sense.

Two: I believe the children are our future.

Three: Our future is doomed. [Symantec via CNET]

MiKandi is a white label app store for free and paid-for apps, allowing developers to upload more content around their filthy apps—including YouTube tutorials if you're so inclined. Asking developers "Maybe you're feeling like your innovative juices are being squeezed by not having the screenshots or video you need to properly showcase and sell your product?" they promise not to restrict any app unless it's illegal, further widening the cavity between Apple and Android. [MiKandi via PocketGamer]

Word has it that the reason those three Green Isle Foods employees were terminated is "improper use of the company's IT system, including the spreading of adult material." I don't know if that's code for "They sent a few links and pics!" or "They set up a mini studio by the assembly line!" Either way, I'm kinda concerned about how this whole strike will affect my late night snacking. [Leinster Leader]

Photo by lintmachine

A customer "eventually" notified the manager, and the DVD was removed from the player. "Eventually" as in, "after we all got our fill of the hot action." So that's what this guy was looking at! [swtimes via obscuredrugstore]

According to an interview with Kotaku, Vivid Entertainment head Steve Hirsch, he's gunning after Sony first due to their willingness to allow on-demand adult movies to the PS3 in Japan.

Somehow, I don't think Microsoft would be down with this, and even though Sony is in Japan, the US is a much more puritanical country. Just look at our total lack of tentacle porn!

In any case, be sure to check out Kotaku's story for the full interview. [Kotaku; Image Source]

A bunch of students at a Brisbane high school filmed a dirty porno in a high school bathroom the last time news of the Large Hadron Collider was hot. Yeah, that video was literally dirty. Remember high school bathrooms?

Basically the guy convinced his sweet, innocent, and oh-so-stupid girlfriend that it was her last chance to lose her virginity as his buddy played hidden camera man, producer, and distributor. The camera phone recorded, underage sex act made its way through the community and could potentially result in child pornography production charges, although news.com.au claims it unlikely due to the age of all the participants.

No word on whether the sweet talker managed to hang on to the girl by convincing her that a miracle spared the world until November. [news.com.au]

According to a sheriff's report Friday, Griffin told investigators his cat jumped on the keyboard while he was downloading music. He said he had left the room and found "strange things" on his computer when he returned.

Must be quite a fast connection if the cat managed to download so much porn during Griffin's brief absence. All skepticism aside though, I seriously feel bad for that cat. With Griffin's computer being taken away because of the investigation, how the heck is that pussy supposed to download some pussy now? [Sun-Times]

Photo by peasap

The closest thing to porn you're likely to see in the App Store, Swimsuit Illustrated's Swimsuit App, tops the sales list, followed by the medical marijuana location app "Cannabis" and finally "Mixologist," an app directory of recipes for mixed drinks. What does this prove? Will social conservatives start decrying iPhone users as degenerate drug addict alcoholic pornographers? [FolioMag]

The porn aficionados, or Jason Chens as they're known in the States, are causing the Japanese online porn industry to grow at 1,000 new customers a day with some people paying up to $105 to get on board.

Consider this a peek into the near future here in the US. When more people get phones with data plans that are able to download video, the exact same thing will happen here, just with less mosiacs and cartoons. People love their porn, after all. [Bloomberg via The Register]

They had their ways. Although old-timers may tell you they had to wank uphill both ways in the snow, there was porn to be had. It might not have been great porn, but mankind got off before there even was porn.

The only odd part about many of these methods is that you had to interact with somebody to get your porn. An oddity in today's one-man private show in front of the computer.

Gizmodo '79 is a week-long celebration of gadgets and geekdom 30 years ago, as the analog age gave way to the digital, and most of our favorite toys were just being born.

Thanks to Noobs-R-Us in sparking the idea for this post

Sneaking into porn theaters. Yeah, there were porn theaters. These looked like regular theaters on the outside, but on the inside there were many, many more penises and vaginas. If you were underage but clever, you could somehow sneak into the theater via an older brother, a friend working at the theater or a fake mustache.

Of course, once you were inside and watching the movie, you still had to hold it until you got home. Despite it being a communal function, it was still generally frowned upon to pull one out while other dudes were sitting next to you.

Porn quality: 10
Privacy: 5

Using lingerie and clothing catalogs: Various women's undergarment catalogs like JC Penney provided ample material for the youngsters of the 70s. What they lacked in actual nudity they made up for in quality of models (sometimes).

Although guys (especially young ones) had easier access to these catalogs than more mature fare like Playboy or Penthouse, it was just as hard to explain away why they had one of these stashed under your bed. The excuse of shopping for a birthday/Christmas/Hanukkah present would be tenuous at best.

But, the fact that the models had most of their clothing on provided a great imagination-building exercise that strengthened minds for the future. This explains why movies today are just uninspired rehashes of what we already saw in the '80s.

Porn quality: 3.5
Privacy: 8

Image credit

Mental spank bank: The ultimate in bare-bones beating, this required you to be ultra-vigilant during your day in order to store images for later use. Trips to the beach, the department store changing room, the food court at the mall, the post office, the pool, the dentist's office, the Grand Canyon and the polling booth could all obtain lucrative deposits for your bank.

The downside, of course, is that this relied solely on your memory. So any errant noise or smell could interfere with the delicate recollection process, making an already longer-than-usual activity take even longer.

But, the fact that you can do this anywhere, in any position, trained you well for life down the road. If you can squeeze one out standing up in the shower, lying down in bed, squatting in the woods, kneeling in your neighbor's bushes or face down in your backyard, you could literally squeeze one out anywhere. At work, during your lunchbreak? No problem. At night, while you were visiting grandma's smelly apartment? Cake. In the car, waiting for your old lady to pick up the dry cleaning? Done and done.

Porn quality: 0-3 (Depending on how well your imagination worked)
Privacy: 10

Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler: As a teen, you may not have legally been able to get these magazines, but when has that problem stopped any kid from getting anything? You could bribe the guy at the corner store, swipe your dad's when he wasn't looking, borrow one from your friends, ask your older brother to buy one for you, or just plain steal one.

Although the more commonly available magazines didn't show hardcore penetration, it was usually enough for kids in the '70s to get the job done. If you somehow froze that same kid in 1979, unfroze him in 2009 and showed him YouPorn, he would simultaneously masturbate while holding up his other hand to shield his eyes in disgust. It's a new world, my friends.

Porn quality: 7
Privacy: 3

Nude scenes on TV: Before VHS (or Betamax) became common, people had to stick to their programming schedules. As Adam Carolla (a man who was alive and masturbating during the '70s) says, they had to time their diddling sessions in accordance to whatever movie was airing.

If something had a nude scene 57 minutes into the film and started at 11:00 PM, you would do the mental calculations and turn on the TV at 12:25 (accounting for commercials) and see maybe a boob and a half. That would have to last you for a week and a half.

Porn quality: 3
Privacy: 2

You may also be interested to know that a digital camera with video took 39% of the vote in the poll, making it the gadget of choice when it comes to making homemade porn. That's really not surprising, but 54%? Seriously? Haven't you guys seen enough amateur porn on the internet to realize this stuff often becomes public? Maybe that's not a concern for you, but I feel compelled to ask the following question to the individuals that voted "yes": do you delete these videos/images, or do you archive them?

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

Oh yes, you will be on the edge of your seat—especially if that seat needs to be hosed down. [Current via Fleshbot - NSFW]

First, potentially explicit images and video content will now be coming from a separate single domain, explicit.bing.net. This is invisible to the end customer, but allows for filtering of that content by domain which makes it much easier for customers at all levels to block this content regardless of what the SafeSearch settings might be. This makes it much easier for filtering software to block unwanted content if SafeSearch has been turned off.

In addition, we will begin returning source url information in the query string for images and video content so that companies who already use this method of filtering will be able to catch explicit content on Bing along with everything else they are already blocking for their customers.

So no, it won't affect your ability to get some bada-bing in the privacy of your own home, but your company or school will be able to filter all of it easily. Kudos to Microsoft to think about those who care about these things without affecting those who don't care. [Bing]

If you guessed "crazy Chinese software engineer who wants to censor all Chinese computers," you're right and remarkably prescient! The Chinese government hired Jinhui Computer System Engineering Co., the CEO of which uttered the quote above, to develop software that blocks pornography and various other things they find dangerous. But China wants this software to be packaged with every computer sold in the country, which makes me feel a little guilty for attacking comparatively benign DRMed music files for all those years.

The software will block pornography but will also have the ability to block anything else the Chinese government wants, which will probably include any pro-Tibet independence sites, any anti-Communist Party sites, and almost certainly Gizmodo. Zhang, said CEO of Jinhui, said the software will allow the user to uninstall it or modify it, though who knows how easy that'll be. But regardless, all primary and secondary schools have been forced to keep this software on their computers, starting at the end of last month. Way to be lame, China. [AP]

It happened in the city of Zamora, Spain—where else—this weekend. For more than one hour, the movie played—in the words of one of the witness, Francisco Guarido, a baffled city official—"with unsuspected sharpness" to mixed reactions in a crowd that kept getting bigger and bigger by the minute.

Many people laughed, like the policewoman who came first alerted by the official. In fact, she couldn't stop her laughter as she alerted the police station via radio. More people and police agents kept congregating, many laughing, some enjoying with eyes glued to the screen, some scandalized but also with eyes glued to the screen, others reprimanding the city official who was there. Two old women shouted at Guarido, blaming him for the indecent show.

After an hour of public moaning, jiggling, and skirting—yes, I love my country. I hate it most of the time, but others I love it—the police agents ended the show by taping two paper sheets to the screen. Later, the company responsible for the public kiosk turned off the movie. The city official said that the security of the computer system used for this task was "fragile." He really meant "crap." [El Mundo—In Spanish]

The newest wireless box, combined with the latest firmware updates, make this box a porn streaming solution that's practical in that you can hook it to any TV in your house and deliver porn to it.

Here's the gist of the device. The FyreTV box connects, via Ethernet or Wi-Fi, to the FyreTV servers. For $9.95 a month (plus more if you go over your 100 allotted credits), you get access to a 10,000+ title library of porn. There's HDMI as well as component and composite connections, as well as a (as of right now, pretty crappy) remote to control what you see.

What you need to know, as a gadget person who also enjoys the occasional pornographic video, is that this is probably the easiest way to get legal porn onto your TV. Where the previous version required you to drag an Ethernet cable for a connection—something not every person has in their bedrooms—the Wi-Fi on this version allows you quite a bit of freedom.

As for the quality, it's essentially DVD-level video parsed through a streaming filter. FyreTV will have HD content soon, but the DVD quality is good enough for most people. The menus are navigated easily enough, and with the latest software updates, you won't see too many slowdowns. Suffice it to say, you'll be able to get the job done without waiting for stuff to load and menus to pop up, provided you have a decent enough internet connection.

Is it easy to use? Definitely. Is it free? No. You can rig up a PC to your TV and download free internet porn if you have an extra machine lying around and know what you're doing. But it is the easiest, quickest and most legal way to get streaming pornography onto your bedroom or living room TV. [FyreTV (NSFW)]