According to the bartender who reported Klein, he discovered the child pornography when he "opened the phone looking for Klein's name or phone number." Lesson? Get back to the bar quicker to pay your tab before the bartender starts going through your filthy images. [WISN]

Photo by BluEyedA73

They had their ways. Although old-timers may tell you they had to wank uphill both ways in the snow, there was porn to be had. It might not have been great porn, but mankind got off before there even was porn.

The only odd part about many of these methods is that you had to interact with somebody to get your porn. An oddity in today's one-man private show in front of the computer.

Gizmodo '79 is a week-long celebration of gadgets and geekdom 30 years ago, as the analog age gave way to the digital, and most of our favorite toys were just being born.

Thanks to Noobs-R-Us in sparking the idea for this post

Sneaking into porn theaters. Yeah, there were porn theaters. These looked like regular theaters on the outside, but on the inside there were many, many more penises and vaginas. If you were underage but clever, you could somehow sneak into the theater via an older brother, a friend working at the theater or a fake mustache.

Of course, once you were inside and watching the movie, you still had to hold it until you got home. Despite it being a communal function, it was still generally frowned upon to pull one out while other dudes were sitting next to you.

Porn quality: 10
Privacy: 5

Using lingerie and clothing catalogs: Various women's undergarment catalogs like JC Penney provided ample material for the youngsters of the 70s. What they lacked in actual nudity they made up for in quality of models (sometimes).

Although guys (especially young ones) had easier access to these catalogs than more mature fare like Playboy or Penthouse, it was just as hard to explain away why they had one of these stashed under your bed. The excuse of shopping for a birthday/Christmas/Hanukkah present would be tenuous at best.

But, the fact that the models had most of their clothing on provided a great imagination-building exercise that strengthened minds for the future. This explains why movies today are just uninspired rehashes of what we already saw in the '80s.

Porn quality: 3.5
Privacy: 8

Image credit

Mental spank bank: The ultimate in bare-bones beating, this required you to be ultra-vigilant during your day in order to store images for later use. Trips to the beach, the department store changing room, the food court at the mall, the post office, the pool, the dentist's office, the Grand Canyon and the polling booth could all obtain lucrative deposits for your bank.

The downside, of course, is that this relied solely on your memory. So any errant noise or smell could interfere with the delicate recollection process, making an already longer-than-usual activity take even longer.

But, the fact that you can do this anywhere, in any position, trained you well for life down the road. If you can squeeze one out standing up in the shower, lying down in bed, squatting in the woods, kneeling in your neighbor's bushes or face down in your backyard, you could literally squeeze one out anywhere. At work, during your lunchbreak? No problem. At night, while you were visiting grandma's smelly apartment? Cake. In the car, waiting for your old lady to pick up the dry cleaning? Done and done.

Porn quality: 0-3 (Depending on how well your imagination worked)
Privacy: 10

Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler: As a teen, you may not have legally been able to get these magazines, but when has that problem stopped any kid from getting anything? You could bribe the guy at the corner store, swipe your dad's when he wasn't looking, borrow one from your friends, ask your older brother to buy one for you, or just plain steal one.

Although the more commonly available magazines didn't show hardcore penetration, it was usually enough for kids in the '70s to get the job done. If you somehow froze that same kid in 1979, unfroze him in 2009 and showed him YouPorn, he would simultaneously masturbate while holding up his other hand to shield his eyes in disgust. It's a new world, my friends.

Porn quality: 7
Privacy: 3

Nude scenes on TV: Before VHS (or Betamax) became common, people had to stick to their programming schedules. As Adam Carolla (a man who was alive and masturbating during the '70s) says, they had to time their diddling sessions in accordance to whatever movie was airing.

If something had a nude scene 57 minutes into the film and started at 11:00 PM, you would do the mental calculations and turn on the TV at 12:25 (accounting for commercials) and see maybe a boob and a half. That would have to last you for a week and a half.

Porn quality: 3
Privacy: 2

Charlie Sorrel at Wired argues correctly that Apple will be damned with 17+ apps no matter what:

The problems for Apple are clear. By setting itself up as a guardian of the store, Apple can't win. Any time a controversial application is approved, or non-allowed elements are snuck into an application post-approval, Apple is blamed. If these apps are pulled ahead of time, Apple is called out as an evil censor.

However, that doesn't mean Apple should ban the 17+ app sex-related category to avoid conflicts. There are plenty of adult-oriented applications that won't allow for this kind of dynamic content. But then again, the fact is that any application that allows you to upload pictures and share them could be used to do exactly the same. So where should Apple stop, then? Should they ban any app that can be used to publish pictures or videos? Shouldn't the developers—and the users—be responsible about this and not Apple.

The problem for Apple is probably not a legal one, but one of public perception, with people and mainstream assuming that—just because it runs on the iPhone—it is Apple's app. I'm afraid that, if they want to keep the market fully open, they would have to find the public image battle instead of just pulling the applications that allow for this kind of behavior. [GadgetLab]

If you guessed "crazy Chinese software engineer who wants to censor all Chinese computers," you're right and remarkably prescient! The Chinese government hired Jinhui Computer System Engineering Co., the CEO of which uttered the quote above, to develop software that blocks pornography and various other things they find dangerous. But China wants this software to be packaged with every computer sold in the country, which makes me feel a little guilty for attacking comparatively benign DRMed music files for all those years.

The software will block pornography but will also have the ability to block anything else the Chinese government wants, which will probably include any pro-Tibet independence sites, any anti-Communist Party sites, and almost certainly Gizmodo. Zhang, said CEO of Jinhui, said the software will allow the user to uninstall it or modify it, though who knows how easy that'll be. But regardless, all primary and secondary schools have been forced to keep this software on their computers, starting at the end of last month. Way to be lame, China. [AP]

From the listing:

This is a like new Powerbook G4
there's only one light scratch on the bottom part of the case, but it's hard to see from the pictures. The LCD still works, no dead pixels, no heavy darkness etc.

So far, so normal. But then, you see this special note at the bottom:

*******SPECIAL********
Includes over 50 full length porn movies (100 hours)
From such producers as Digital Playground, Brazzers, Vivid, etc.

Given that 50% of used laptops are probably shipping with some level of pornography unintentionally, I guess you might as well advertise it. But even still, that $700 starting bid price seems a tad high for the machine...and free keyboard sterilization really should be bundled in with the offer. [eBay Thanks Ragan!]

According to an unconfirmed bit of information from the Consumerist, Comcast is giving their subscribers in Tuscon, AZ, a one-time $5 discount apiece in apologies for the pornography mixup during the Super Bowl. On one hand, that's a completely absurd amount of money to offer any family who had to explain what was going on to a scarred four-year-old girl. On the other, could Comcast make this right with any sort of compensation?

Well, there's only one way to find out. Offer us more, Comcast. Do something better. [Consumerist]

The folks at Home Theater Review state that "the adult video industry is really ahead of the curve with what they are working on for high definition content "—and, if history holds true, this progressive stance will affect how we all acquire our media in the near future.

Many adult sites have turned to internet distribution to peddle their wares because it's cheap and it can be accessed from any computer—affording a little privacy in the process. As HTR points out:

Digital Playground is rolling out an entirely new HD download center where clients can download 720p video directly to their iTunes library or for use with their AppleTV. Pink Visual is already distributing HD downloads for use on your computer and others are following suit. It is only a matter of time until the bandwidth expands and we can all freely download 1080p porn over the Internet.

We are heading in this direction anyway, which is why many feel that Blu-ray is a placeholder format. But I have no doubt that the porn industry will get us their faster, bigger and harder than we could have otherwise. [Home Theater Review]

If that wasn't absurd enough, this plea comes despite overwhelming forensic evidence that Amero was not responsible for the pop-ups and that the school district's IT manager, detectives and prosecutors knowingly misled the court to cover their own asses. In the end, Amero will pay a $100 fine and give up her teaching credentials. Even though she feels vindicated by the ruling, I can't imagine that it makes up for the 4 years of misery she has endured. One can only hope that she will be able to turn around and sue these morons into oblivion. [Courant via Boing Boing Gadgets]

Gadgets, geekiness, nerdiness and naked ladies? Happy Friday! Now if only 2007 would come a little sooner. – Travis Hudson

Cherie Roberts/Nerdcore 2007 Calendar (NSFW) [Fleshbot]

There are a couple of problems with this. In Cambodia, very few people can afford 3G phones and service to begin with. And secondly, when was porn ever a bad thing? – Travis Hudson

3G phones banned in anti-porn drive [Reuters]

Sex With Your Mobile Phone [Techdirt]