As the story goes, the television in the ward mysteriously turned off when the patient turned over in bed, shortly before x-rays revealed that his friends had crammed a remote up his butt while he was passed out.

"We didn't know what it was to start with. There was a little bit of blood but he didn't say anything about a remote control. We couldn't quite believe it when we saw the X-ray," said medic Dr Wei Lung Zhi.

"He will be fine in time but the remote was a write off," he added.

Yeah, that whole thing with the remote inside his bowels turning the TV off seems pretty suspect, but the message here is very real. Don't pass out around your asshole friends. As an added layer of security, I have a shirt you might be interested in. Or at least you would be interested in it if it were still being produced. [Mirror via Fark and Shirt via T-Shirt Hell]

Let me explain: the menu screen for Never Been Kissed appears momentarily when the disc is loaded, then reverts to the standard Fight Club menu. It's actually a brilliantly hilarious gag perpetrated by director David Fincher for the release. Not only are the two movies polar opposites of one another, but Never Been Kissed outgrossed Fight Club when both movies were released in 1999. To her credit, Drew has a good sense of humor about the whole thing. As a producer on the film, she gave the go-ahead for the prank. [A.V. Club via Yahoo Movies]

For sale - IBM PC-compatible computer.

486/33MHz custom-build computer running Phoenix BIOS, 80MB hard disk-drive, 640K of base RAM and 384K of extended RAM installed. Comes with DOS 5.0 and Windows 3.11 For Workgroups and a two-button mouse. Turbo feature still working 100% functional. Great for when you need speed boost. Upgraded graphics to a SVGA 800x600 card that is VESA-compliant and can display 16.7 million colors!!! New-ish 14" monitor.

Windows 3.11 has MS Paint, Notepad text editing app, and Norton Desktop. Also, 14.4 modem and a trial subscription to both CompuServe and AOL (2.5 software pre-installed). 5.25"/3.5" dual drive with an open bay in the case if you want to put in a CD-ROM disk drive too. Have plenty of diskettes of shareware including Netscape Navigator, Mosaic browser, and Castle Wolfenstein 3-D! Already has Sim City, SimEarth, Sim Ant, and Sim Tower and Front Page Sports Football.

Canon BubbleJet printer with spare cartridge. Will print all Post-Script and TrueType fonts.

Need to make room in my den for a new Pentium computer that I'm getting.

I built this computer for over $700 so it's a great deal.

Wow, $700...really? Did he build it in 1990 or are we talking pesos here? [Craigslist / Thanks Ponies!]

UPDATE: One of our readers claims to have contacted the seller and received the following response:

Sorry for delay. My Eudora setting was messed up.

No. Is real sale. I need money to buy new Pentium computer that will run the new Windows 95 program. Is supposed to be better than Windows 3 but I don't know. Am too used to finding things in Program Manager. The modem is real fast (by US Robotics) and is much faster than 9600 baud. Even though is 14.4, I got it to run at 28.8 with a program i downloaded.

Am willing to lower ask to $300 for if you have a Apple Mackintosh Quadra (850 preferable).

Also, don't worry if you don't like Eudora. I have Netscape Communicator Gold although I just use the browser on it because it reads GIF images and JPG images.

Yeah, this has got to be a lame joke. Ether that, or we are talking to a time traveler from 20 years ago. [Thanks Rob!]

The number plate is not enough [to catch and fine the driver]. We need clear evidence of who is driving the vehicle too. But because this is a British vehicle we can never get a decent picture [because he radar cameras are designed to take photos of the passengers in the left seat, not the right]. The driver has obviously worked this out because he has placed a large puppet in the passenger seat.

This may be an example of the famous British sense of humour but it is still dangerous driving. The driver has been caught on camera on several occasions and the puppet is on the passenger seat every time. We suspect he positions the toy deliberately before accelerating past the camera.

I don't know why are they making a big deal of this, quite honestly. At least Animal is not actually driving. [Nothing do to with Arbroath via Boing Boing]

Luckily for Mr. Verizon, the building's super dropped by to make sure everything was cool, and managed to avoid being chop sueyed with his ninja super skills as the knife snapped at him like cobra when he opened the door. When arrested, Eric asked the cops "Did anyone get hurt with my knives? I wish they did." Since they didn't, the court thought it was cool to release this dude on bail. I love this country. [Newsday via Gothamist]

With April Fools' just around the corner, this could be a funny prank if done properly. Plus, Maximum PC is offering up three other variants on this trick for those looking to do something even more elaborate—and the best part is that it can be completely anonymous. When the victims glance at their caller ID to find out who the asshole is, they will be frustrated to find that the caller is unknown. That means you can quietly take pride in the fact that you are that asshole—without suffering the consequences. [Maximum PC]

Maybe the first hint is the date stamp, which is April 1 in Unix. A few of the other components are based on info that emerged after the intro of the Apple TV. All the mysteries are revealed on Charles Ying's blog.

Ying, a former software architect with Openwave who is now working with the startup Pixverse, uploaded the file yesterday morning and posted it on Digg as a test to see who would pick it up. Some former Apple engineers saw it too (they were in the midst of their own prank, a joke that Safari was being shut down) and helped propagate the joke. –Noah Robischon

The iPhone Aloha Architecture Overview is .... [Satine.org]

Horror Summer Toilet Roll [Kotaku]

Whether your gadget-buying experiences at Best Buy have been pleasure or pain (ours have tended towards the latter), you're probably familiar with the uniform their employees wear: royal blue shirt, khaki pants, black shoes. New York-based prankster group Improv Everywhere decided that for their latest mission, they'd get about fifty of their operatives to dress like Best Buy sales staff and invade the Chelsea branch. Customers were confused, some sales staff were supportive while others got upset, and predictably both management and security went apoplectic. IE Agent Firth's conversation with one agitated Best Buy staffer:

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"You're kicking me out?"
"No, I'm not saying that."
"Ok, then I can stay?"
"You're not buying anything."
"I'm waiting for my friend, just watching TV while I wait."
"I'm asking you to leave.""Are you kicking me out?"
"No."

This repeated in various versions until eventually he conceded with, "Fine, just do what you have to do." Agent Todd also overheard him add, "Have fun," as he walked away.

Lots of photos, videos and stories from the Best Buy mission operatives on their site, as well as links to previous pranks, our all-time favorite of which is Even Better Than The Real Thing.

Photo by Chad Nicholson

Mission: Best Buy [Improv Everywhere, via The Morning News]
Improv Everywhere Best Buy [crnphoto on Flickr]