In all seriousness though, contraband cellphones are becoming a major problem in prisons throughout the country. One solution, cellphone signal jamming, has already been passed by the Senate. Bloodhound is intended to be an alternative to jamming—a device that sniffs out cellphone RF signals using a high speed scanning multi-band receiver harnessed to a DF-Direction Finding Antenna.

The problem with all of this is that prison guards would each need a detector, and they could only get results when the cellphones are actually in use. So, it seems like the best solution is still jamming cellphones en masse. In that scenario, the FCC would be required to lay out rules and ensure that legitimate communications are not blocked, which negates Bloodhound's one major advantage. [BVS and PR Newswire via Coolest Gadgets]

Ralsky and his cohorts netted millions from pump and dump stock scams which were bolstered by their spamming. He pleaded guilty in June and will be serving time along with his son, who was sentenced to 40 months. [Ars Technica]

As a safeguard, the FCC would also be required to protect legitimate communications by conducting tests, approving equipment and laying out specific rules about when and where signals could be blocked. As you might expect, the issue of inmates using cellphones to conduct nefarious business has become a problem over the last few years. The House still needs to approve the bill—but it seems like a no-brainer to me. I mean, think about all the time officers would save when they don't have to hunt for cellphones being smuggled in by carrier pigeons, R/C helicopters and buttholes. [WSJ via Phone Scoop via CrunchGear]

Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village

Like all the best Onion pieces, this video takes the bizarre and scary concepts we ignore despite being right in front of our faces, and spells them out in blunt, hilarious language. As the "Google Exec" says, "If you don't want to give us complete access to your most private thoughts and feelings, that's fine! You can just toil on the hinterlands, and die young."

But my favorite part has to be the consistent juxtaposition of Google's bright happy basic colors on all the terrifying privacy guards and equipment. On the other hand, even if this horrible airless prison was real, I'd probably still get excited about the next Android phone. You win, Google. You win everything, ever. [The Onion]

Eriksson, whose story reaches Mark Sanford levels of ridiculous, is famous for crashing a rare Ferrari, escaping at least one prison sentence, possibly having a movie made about him, leading some sort of mafia in Sweden in the 1990s and making a product nobody ever wanted, ever. Referred to in his native Sweden as "Fat Stefan," because he's fat, Eriksson will serve 18 months in prison for his multitude of mafia and gadget-related crimes. Eriksson is a hilarious dirtbag the likes of which we rarely see in the tech world and he'll be missed, at least theoretically, maybe. [The Local via Engadget, photo credit AP]

It's believed that the inmate (of the Salto del Negro prison on the Canary Island of Las Palmas) was to scale the prison wall and speed off in a waiting car.

The arrested men had setup an elaborate surveillance operation of the prison that involved a camouflaged tent, powerful binoculars, telephoto lenses, and motion detection sensors. But authorities caught wind of the plan when they intercepted the inflatable zeppelin as it arrived from the Italian town of Bergamo.

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Holy crap, I almost wish they got away with it. [Telegraph]

Prisoners at Spector's new forced California residence are permitted certain objects, often musical instruments or personal mementos. Spector requested an iPod and a TV, though interestingly not any musical instruments; his wife says he's not likely to want to jam with the other prisoners. We'd love to get a look at Spector's iPod, as long as it's away from Spector himself. The dude is more than a little creepy. [NME, thanks Brian Ashcraft!]

Being on death row is lonely, so having a TV is important to your sanity. Godwin's was on the fritz, so he decided to multitask by trying to fix it while using the commode.

The last stupid decision of his life was to bite down on an exposed wire in the plugged-in TV while sitting on the metal toilet. He was electrocuted instantly, making his own kind of electric chair and saving the state the trouble.

Machines Behaving Deadly: A week exploring the sometimes difficult relationship between man and technology.

Simply put, it's a 20-pound ball attached to a shackle with a study timer that can be set for up to four hours. When the time has elapsed, the shackle will unlock. And no, this is not a concept—it actually exists. In fact, you can purchase one for around $115. Needless to say, you might have a Study Ball of your own after Child Protective Services gets wind of this. [Curiosite via FayerWayer via Newlaunches]

You've got to wonder just what was going through prison officer Walter Schmidt's head when he decided to use a 50,000-volt stun gun on some kids visiting the Talahassee prison he worked at. One of the kids ended up going to the hospital and, not surprisingly, Schmidt got fired.

37-year-old Schmidt told officials who later fired him that he had only been trying to show the children - whose parents all work at the jail near Tallahassee - what a typical day involves while handling unruly inmates.

'It wasn't intended to be malicious, but educational,' he explained to the St Petersburg Times.

'The big shock came when I got fired.'

The jokes just write themselves, don't they? [Daily Mail via The Daily What]

The AP reports that at the Danilio Pinheiro prison in Sorocaba, Brazil, inmates were raising pigeons, having them smuggled out, strapped with packs on their legs containing cellphone parts and, in one instance, an entire cell charger. The pigeons' weakness? Food. Guards were able to lure them down from the high fences, and foil the dastardly schemes of the as-yet-unknown culprits.

It's a funny story, but it's not super hilarious when you learn that the cellphones are smuggled into prisons so that the imprisoned gang leaders can carry out horrific attacks on police and public transportation, as Sao Paolo's First Capital Command gang did in 2006, killing over 200 people.

So if you see a pigeon chilling on the prison wall, shoot first, and then frisk it for cell parts. [SF Gate/AP]

At that point, it appears that Huang got herself a lawyer and demanded that Asus pay the equivalent of $5 million US dollars in compensation. If they did not comply, she threatened to break the news of their shady support practices to the media. In March of 2006, Asus had both Huang and her lawyer arrested for extortion. Nearly a year later, she was released after the powers-that-be determined that the evidence against her was inadequate.

Now, Huang is suing Asus again—this time for defamation, selling defected products and false accusation. She has even set up a website detailing Asus' offenses against their customers. It certainly appears that both parties are not free from blame here, so I highly doubt that she will be successful with the lawsuit. Either way, the whole situation is pretty frightning. [Danwei via Boing Boing Gadgets and Asus315]

Genilson Lins da Silva was arrested and thrown in prison after being sentenced to 28 years for robbery and murder. However, it appears that some of the prisons in Brazil aren't as bad as they are made out to be, considering the fact that a plasma TV, refrigerator, gym equipment, two .38-caliber pistols and $173,000 in cash was recently discovered in da Silva's cell. The items were uncovered during a raid that was part of a statewide crackdown on drug trafficking, and they are now investigating how he managed to live the high life while being incarcerated. Uh...bribes maybe?[Star Telegram]

At first it may seem like a lot of trouble (and pain) to go through just to make a very foul-smelling phone call now and then, but it appears that the inmates can use the phones to make drug deals or intimidate witnesses on the outside. All I know is that I would hate to be the guy at the prison who had to "retrieve" those phones. [Times Online]

The prison not only houses cells for criminals (duh), it also packs in a complex of courts, too. We are guessing only the biggest and baddest of bad guys get to stay here, so you are probably better off committing crimes at home. This will ultimately save you the hassle of stealing money for an airline ticket, which would eventually lead to abject disappointment once you arrive in Austria/are imprisoned in a shithole. Still, I wonder if the Leoben's showers area is as inviting as the foyer... [New Launches]

It is actually pretty easy. There are no workshops in maximum security. They do it in their rooms with a battery(power) taped to a tube(could be a pen or a tightly wound piece of paper). The motor from the rumble pack is taken out and attached to the top of the tube. A needle or pin is run down the middle of the tube. when "on" the needle will move up and down like a sewing machine. The needle is then dipped in "ink." This is made a number of ways the easiest is to use ball point pen ink, but they could use other items to get different colors or looks.

The Nintendo 64: adored by children and convicts alike. Nintendo really has broken the cultural barriers of gaming and created something...quite special. [kotaku]

We've seen enough movies to know that just about anything can be made into a shiv, so it'll just be a matter of time that we'll need to move on to allowing prisoners to write with finger paints. – Jason Chen

Product Page [SpyCatcher via Oh Gizmo via Uber Gizmo]

Which opens up a whole 'nother comment thread: What phone is in that guys rear end? Hit that shiny new comment system with your answers.–Brian Lam

Cell Phones Found Inside Four Prisoners [internal(!)]

Capt. Juan Ramon Arevalo, director of the prison known as Zacatras, said the gang members had introduced the cell phones, wrapped in plastic bags, into their bodies through their anuses. Authorities also found nine cell phone chips and one charger.

Cell Phones Found Inside Four Prisoners [SFgate.com]