• more about #applecyoa more comments →
    Homerjay is utterly alone.: Ya know, I know another guy with presidential experience that's going to be out of a job right about the same time His Jobliness steps down. Maybe we ... more »
    (Starman) Starman: They all die in the end, don't they? ---------------------- 8/D``` <~~~Ps¥cHØpÅT∏¡¡¡ more »
    Jesus Diaz: I know I shouldn't say this because I did the cover, but every time I look at Schiller as the Shark Boy, it cracks me up. more »
    pettiblay: Brilliantly made, thorough and hilarious, kudos Jason!!! must've taken a long time to make but I tell you it made my day more »
    opus13: holy shit. you just salved what kind of books to get for my kid. i totally forgot about the old choose your own adventures! who knew your snarkiness ... more »
    redwingsmonk: Tim Cook will take over. Hes the better candidate but Jonathan shares the same design standards and quality expectations as Steve does. more »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 5

    Now having controlling interest in the company, Microsoft uses their new found leverage to somehow buy Yahoo and Google, forming a gigantic web/tech/electronics corporation known as NAMBLA. You fade into obscurity as a footnote in the annals of history. More »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 6

    No amount of silhouetted dancing cock ads can save you from this public relations disaster. What were you thinking? More »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 10

    You’ve been waiting for this moment all your life. You are Jon Ive, whose design aesthetic has influenced countless companies and countless industries the world over. And now you are CEO of Apple. Stocks tank. More »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 11

    You’ve been waiting for this moment all your life. You are Phil Schiller, whose salesmanship can put as good a spin on any Apple product released as Steve jobs can. Stocks tank. More »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 14

    You’ve been waiting for this moment all your life, but unfortunately you’re as unsuited for this position as anybody who’s ever lived. More »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 18

    With the financial and technological backing of Apple at your side, you decide to devote only 10% of your attention to running the company and 90% of your attention to becoming Batman. More »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 20

    Operation “sneak into Microsoft and steal stuff” goes well until your curiosity gets the better of you and you just HAVE to see what Steve Ballmer’s office looks like. Big mistake. The ogre is unleashed.
    Ballmer chases you down a hall. You... More »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 29

    You are not the dominant gorilla. Despite getting hit with a cheap shot to his neck, Steve Ballmer takes you down with a basic wrestling move. Noogies and wedgies ensue for what seem like hours. More »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 47

    Surprisingly enough, everyone is happy buying incremental upgrades of your older products, and as a benefit of the economy recovering and the Christmas season, your stuff sells just as well as if you had released something new. Kudos to you sir. More »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 50


    Your Reality Distortion Field works better than you expected. Not only are the muggers incapacitated, they drool enthusiastically and whisper amongst themselves about your upcoming products. You slink away into the night. More »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 51

    You stand unblinking, knife dripping with blood, above a dead 15-year-old Hitler. You have done what so many before you couldn’t (including Tom Cruise, whose recent movie was an autobiographical account of his own attempt). More »
  • #applecyoa

    Apple CYOA: Page 52

    Months pass without any major incident. You release updates such as the iPhone 3G, with 128GB of flash memory, front-facing camera, iChat support, cut & paste, but shorter battery life. Some people like it, some people don’t. It’s the usual. More »