Timmy woke up to the sun shining in the alley where he slept. Oh no, he would be late to his new job at the bakery, a place with sweets and other good things to eat. He could not lose this position or he would go hungry again.

But to Timmy's surprise, the Baker was sitting beside him, touching his cheek gently. "You've worked hard for too long, little boy. You deserve a good home and a loving father," the Baker said. "I'd like to adopt you, if you'll have me as your dad."

Timmy's eyes welled up in tears. This Christmas he would get a new beginning. Life would change for the better. Maybe he could even go to school, pursue his day dreams of architecture or baking.

"But there's one thing I'll ask of you first," the Baker said.

"What...father?" the boy responded.

"Open that gift," replied the Baker.

And it was at that moment that Timmy noticed a huge wrapped gift leaning beside the brick. It was the biggest present he'd ever seen, even when he remembered back to the times he'd peek in shop windows. Timmy could not restrain himself. He ripped into the package ravenously until the shiny paper succumbed to the mud of the streets.

"It's a train!" Timmy exclaimed. The Baker smiled tenderly. It had cost him six months of pay, though he'd never admit that to anyone.

"Hop on," the Baker said.

So Timmy jumped in the Hammacher Schlemmer Locomotive, his face glowing from either the sun or glee, one could not tell. He shouted "all aboard" and the Baker laughed. Then Timmy stopped for a moment, glancing around at the controls.

"How do you start the train?" Timmy asked.

"Oh, you crank it to go," the Baker explained.

"A mechanical toy? You mean I have to work even more than I have my whole life?? Fuck that shit!"

And with that, Timmy and the Baker parted ways, never to see one another again. [Hammacher Schlemmer via DVICE]

The phone isn't really, as one suit in the video notes, "A very nice... a very nice PIECE OF ART," but when the big innovation is bringing the stunning features of wristwatches to mobile phones (that's right, the Meridiist has a built-in clock!), you can't blame them for reaching a bit. The phone's selling points: made from the finest rubber (?) and alligator skin, creating a "sensual experience," and to top it off, it is "in some way the first pocket watch of the 21st century!" Never mind that it looks like the obese offspring of my first Nokia candybar from 1998 and an HTC Touch Diamond, conceived in a French executive's board room— it's expensive and so you must want one. [Thanks, Nebosja!]

Rich Dads:

Rich Dads are probably the hardest category of Dads to shop for. I mean, what do you give the man who has everything? Here are a few unique suggestions:

The UR-202 Wristwatch: Besides looking completely awesome, the UR-202 features a unique winding system that is regulated by compressed air. The winding is controlled using miniature twin turbines and the level of air compression generated by these turbines can actually be altered using a 3-position selector switch. Pricing information has not been made available on the UR-202, but if you have to ask you probably can't afford it. [Urwerk via Link]

Crystal Foosball Table: Your rich father may have a lot of stuff, but I guarantee he does not have something as fun and frivolous as a crystal foosball table with aluminum players. Again, the sticker shock would be too high for normal folk, so expect to shell out some serious bucks for dear old Dad. [Teckell via Link]

The Craftsman Professional Tool Set: Sure your father has tools, but does he have EVERY tool? This Craftsman Collection comes with 1470 pieces—enough to keep him tinkering until the end of time. Available for $$7,619.90 (before shipping). [Sears]

Motion Pro II Racing Simulator: If your father likes fast cars, chances are he would love a top of the line racing simulator that can run you in excess of $45,000 when you throw in extras like a panoramic screen, a six-speed gated shifter and custom bodywork. [CXC Simulations via Link]

Fun Dads

If your father has a sense of humor, the following gifts are sure to get a laugh:

Executive Ball Scratcher: What is the classy, executive gentleman to do when he has a very un-classy itch? This chrome plated ball scratcher is tough enough to do the dirty work, yet elegant enough to keep on a desk in plain view. Available for around $11.36. [Find Me a Gift]

Beaver Stuffing Kit: Most guys love stuffing beavers, and as much as you don't want to think about it, your father probably does too. So, give him what he craves with this beaver stuffing kit. Available for around $15 [Find Me a Gift]

Potty Putter: Golf balls may be a boring gift, but an entire putting system you can use from the comfort of your own toilet is another story entirely. Available for $19.95. [Baron Bob]

Control a Woman Remote: With functions like "cook," "clean," "remove clothes," "stop nagging" and a breast enhancer / reduction dial, this novelty remote is sure to get laughs—but probably not from your mother. Available for around $10. [Genie Gadgets]

Deadbeat Dads:

Let's face it, not everyone has a magical childhood because there are plenty of deadbeat Dads out there. If your father happens to be one of them, here are a few gifts that will tell him exactly how you feel:

Middle Finger Vibrator: This symbolic gift will tell him exactly where he can go and what he can do with himself. Available for $39.99. [Sex Toy Party]

Bed Snake Bat: Actually, this is more of a gift for that strip club waitress that your father dumped your mother for. Tell her to keep it next to the bed. If a bed snake should bother her in the middle of the night, she can whack it up good. Available for around $6. [Giftmonger]

Life-Sized Cardboard Policeman: This is the gift that will keep on giving. Put him on your father's doorstep, in front of his car, or just place it in his bedroom before the alarm goes off in the morning. Your father could go to jail for any number of reasons—it's all about keeping him on his toes. Available for $30.79. [Incredible Gifts]

Nothing: When all else fails, you could always get him nothing. But instead of simply showing up empty handed, bring him a packaged version of nothing. It makes for a more powerful statement. Available for around $7. [iwoot]

"It's crazy. It's just crazy," was all Clark, who used to run a consultancy, could say after the online auction finished. Originally bought in the hope of attracting a pizza parlor to his consulting firm, pizza.com opened the bidding at $100, before reaching its final price a week later.

Clark, who expects to cash in in a few days time, only has one regret—that he didn't buy more domain names when he could. [BBC Online]

Normally, I would be the first person to leap onto my soapbox and let the expletives fly about this product because it will likely be expensive as hell, not readily available and plastic isn't efficient, but I won't. I won't because honestly, if I could afford it, I would so own one of these sexy phones. I would definitely rock out a steel or hardwood phone. –Travis Hudson

Bellperre exclusive mobiles phones to be made of 0% plastic [Gizmag]

For those who have billions of dollars and nowhere to spend it, here's yet another object to acquire rather than giving away money to those pesky charities. It's a cellphone by Goldvish of Switzerland that costs a cool $1,278,000. Heck, starlets walking the red carpet at the Oscars wear jewelry worth way more than that, so why not have a cellphone that does its part toward the projection of obscene wealth?

At these prices, you'd think there'd be some highly sophisticated electronics inhabiting its innards, but there was no mention of what those might be. Who cares? Only solid platinum and gold encrusted with lots of flawless diamonds could make a cellphone this expensive. Weren't there are a lot of cellphones like this floating around just before the French Revolution? – Charlie White

Goldvish releases million dollar cell phone [Mobile Magazine]