Lest you judge too quickly, let's take a look at the Geek Squad's latest service in their own words:

CD conversion requires care and expertise. We'll rip your CD collection into MP3, AAC, WAV, WMA, WMA-Lossless, or OGG formats, and return it to you (along with your CDs) on DVDs

Translation: We'll take whatever is on your disc, and put it on another disc.

We pull quality, accurate metadata from multiple sources such as AMG and GD3 and rip your CDs with the finest error correction software. We also hand-groom your digital music collection making searching and organizing your collection a breeze and ready to play as soon as you receive it.

Translation: We have iTunes.

Wondering where we are with your conversion? Simply login on our website and view the status of your order at any time.

Translation: This is going to take a while.

Have a few CDs with peanut butter and jelly on them?

Translation: You are clearly an idiot.

Need an iPod, hard drive, or music server with your CD Ripping? Add it to your cart and we'll transfer (load) your entire collection to the selected hardware FREE of charge.

Translation: And that we know you're an idiot, we would like to steal from you.

I'm sure there's a market for this—old folks? the chronically lazy? someone's been paying for this shit for years—but really, you're paying a dollar for someone to click on a few buttons, and pass it off as something that you can't do yourself. Or hey, maybe I'm being unfair. Let me know! Just email me your thoughts, and I'll post them as comments for, let's say $0.50 a word? Great. [Consumerist]

That's right folks, pressing on this resistance gadget for just minutes a day will miraculously redefine your bone structure to build a chin where there was no chin before. [Neckline Slimmer]
Amazingly enough, people continue to be duped by the Flowbee vacuum hair cutting system some 20 odd years after its initial release. [Flowbee]
If you have ever seen vintage footage of some flabby flapper girl strapped on a vibrating belt machine, you already have a pretty good grasp of the Hawaii Chair. A 2800 rpm motor rotates the chair seat to simulate a Hula motion with the hips. Theoretically, this will help to slim down your waistline while you sit on your ass doing nothing. [Hawaii Chair]
Are you tired of rolling meat into little round balls? Sweet baby Jesus...yes, YES I AM! If only there was some sort of magic press that would allow me to make uniform-sized meatballs in only 4 steps. [Best of As Seen On TV]
Ironically, the Amish are probably the only group of people in the world that would need a gadget that melts down the tops of old candles to expose the wick. [Taylor Gifts via Link]
Just because you don't have a problem walking around looking like a monk doesn't mean your dog feels the same way. [Snuggie for Dogs]
It's a jump rope...without the rope! One easy payment of $29.99 plus SH gets you the Cardio Jump workout system. But wait, there's more! For a limited time, we will throw in a 1-page instructional leaflet teaching you how to jump in place absolutely free!
Last but not least, I give you the infamous Tiddy Bear: the most absurd product ever promoted on television. It's supposed to be a cute and cuddly way to prevent seat belts from digging into the skin—but it ends up being an endless source of "tiddy" jokes. [Tiddy Bear]

Strangely, this is the second E81 phone that the knockoff artists at Nokla have put out. The first was a candybar phone that Nokla released to take advantage of the current lack of a legitimate Nokia "E81" phone in that company's ever-expanding product lineup.

The features are actually rather modest, but end up being completely overshadowed by the included mirror that graces the phone's swiveling backside.

Shades of the Sony Ericsson "woman's cellphone" playbook, no doubt. [Justamp via Engadget via BBG]

Even worse is that when it was first released, the description included no mention of these charges, tricking people into spending $1 on a worthless app. They've since updated it, fortunately, but the pricing remains.

Aren't you excited for more apps to start charging this way? Bring on the sleazy, crippled apps begging for more money!

Update: The developer wrote in to explain that the per minute pricing was accidentally left in after the QA process and should be removed in an imminent update. Here's their full explanation. [The Apple Blog]

In this spot, a bunch of easily-entertained commuters talk about how awesome it is to see models pretending to be mannequins holding Sony products in the middle of Grand Central. You see the models standing perfectly still, and then they show a fast-motion shot of the models in the middle of the hubbub. It's exactly like the Improv Everywhere video, just without any soul.

And this isn't the first time Sony has ripped off an artist for their advertisements. They ripped off LA-based kozyndan for their Bunnies Bravia ad, denying it later despite clear evidence of sleaziness. They apparently didn't learn their lesson, because this one is even worse. You suck, Sony. Come up with your own ideas.

Time for a mea culpa. Seriously, we're waiting. [Improv Everywhere and Creativity Online, Thanks, Zach Linder!]

The article goes into depth about how text messages are transmitted. In short, texts are unsurprisingly transmitted between towers over the main, wired network in the same way as cellular data, a portion of the journey that, considering the tiny amount of information in a 160-character text, costs very close to nothing.

Surely then, the carrier incurs costs to transmit the messages from towers to handsets. After all, this is the wireless part of the journey, and wireless costs lotsa $$$, right? No:

Text messages are not just tiny; they are also free riders, tucked into what’s called a control channel, space reserved for operation of the wireless network.

That’s why a message is so limited in length: it must not exceed the length of the message used for internal communication between tower and handset to set up a call. The channel uses space whether or not a text message is inserted.

You read that right: for carriers, sending a text message from an extant wireless tower to your handset is more or less free. If it's any consolation, the article also mentions that the Senate Antitrust Committee is kind of looking into the matter, so we may see relief (or even retribution) within the next 10-40 years. [NYT via BB Gadgets]

The headphones in question are the Dr. Dre Beats headphones, a nice pair of over-the-ear cans with noise cancellation and a cellphone mic built in.

Now, Monster and some guy names Ron Herman are offering up white versions of the Beats in a limited edition run. The price for the new paintjob is $699. That is the only difference between the two sets of headphones: the color.

Seriously Monster, I know you like money, but good lord, at least try to disguise your unquenchable greed a little bit. [CrunchGear]

However, there are still plenty of pitfalls that the novice consumer needs to avoid before making the commitment to drop a serious amount of cash on a new HDTV. The list summary is as follows:

•Fake HD and Cable Satellite Channels: Did you know that a number of HD channels broadcast a lot of "fake HD?" Anyone who has ever watched some of TNT's HD broadcasts can attest to that.

•Dynamic Contrast Ratio Measurement Specification: The contrast ratio number is basically meaningless.

•Line Conditioners: They do nothing to improve the HDTV image.

•Deep Color: No deep color sources makes this a worthless feature.

•x.v.Color: Until Laser TVs and xv Color HD discs appear on the scene, this feature is not truly useful.

•1080p HDTVs below 42" (diagonal): If you own a HDTV under 42", chances are you won't recognize the quality difference over 720p—unless you are standing really close to the TV.

•Flat LCD HDTVs 26" and Smaller: The image quality of LCD HDTVs in the 26" inch range or lower is generally poor.

•120Hz HDMI Cables: As mentioned before, expensive HDMI cables are a huge ripoff. Case in point, decent HDMI cable for less than $2. I bought a few myself and they work fine.

•Off Brand Model HDTVs: No-name brands may cost you more down the line.

•HDMI: Horrible connector design can prove problematic. Always pretest your connections.

So there you have it. If you do your homework, you can save yourself a lot of problems (and money) down the line. For a full explanation on the items in this list, check out the HD Guru link. [HD Guru]

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Yes, a poster on the Head-Fi forums had his fancy-pants power cable disemboweled by his cat, only to discover very little of value inside. Once ripped open, all he found was "a couple of bucks worth of 14 AWG PVC insulated bulk wire (VD's "LiniPur" conductors) and some ferrite powder, (VD's "5 dielectric layers") shoved into some heavy braided-wall PVC tubing to make it appear thick and meaty, and put together with dirt cheap connectors and DIY build quality."

But honestly, if you spend $300 on a power cable, you know, deep down, that you're pretty much throwing your money away, so you shouldn't be too surprised. [Audio Junkies]

It has tasty-looking food sitting on top of the minibar, but that classy-looking tray is actually a scale. If you take something off, it'll know about it via scales and sensors, and you'll suddenly find $25 worth of mixed nuts charged to your room bill. Better hope you don't want to check out the nutritional info or anything. Don't worry, however: standing close and smelling the packages is still OK, as is staring from afar. At least for now; you never know what sensors they're working on. [Upgrade: Travel Better via Consumerist]

Heck, if Seinfeld makes billions of dollars on an entire TV series about nothing, certainly some enterprising entrepreneur can swipe a few thousand from those who want to send a message to their "loved ones." But if there's actually something in there, then this is not nothing, it's something.

So besides being a poor value, it's mislabeled. Might be worth $2 worth of laughs, but not $6.28. Is this that "nothingness" Camus and Hemingway wrote about? – Charlie White

Product Page [I Want One of Those, via Oh Gizmo]

The problem arises when they give you the price: $8,000 for the 1TB version and $9,500 for the 2TB version. Wha-wha-whaaaat?!

Where do they get off charging this much for a server with a fancy interface? How can they justify charging $1,500 for an extra 1TB of storage when just yesterday we saw an external (not even an internal!) 1TB drive for $290? How does a company so out of touch with the current marketplace exist and stay afloat? Who is spending this kind of money on this crap?

The only explanation I can think of is that rich, lazy people who don't want to do the research see the price tag and, as it's so insanely expensive, figure it's got to be the best. Stupid rich people. Do your research. –Adam Frucci

Product Page [via BornRich]

An observant blogger at Geek With Family spotted exactly the same HDMI switcher for $88.73 at MonoPrice.com. Take a look at the picture above, and you'll see the resemblance, where they're exactly the same except for which logo is silkscreened on top. Oh, wait, we forgot to add up the cost of those free HDMI cables. Well, you can pick those up at monoprice.com for $5 apiece. Save $251.22. Unbelievable.

All we can do to help fix this problem is to throw information at it. Spread the word. – Charlie White

HDMI Twins: Is BetterCables Selling an $89 HDMI Switcher for $350? [Geek With Family]

As HDMI cables and their associated switches get to be more commonplace, honest purveyors of electronics accessories are stepping in with prices that are more in line with reality. Case in point: Less than a year ago, a 3x1 HDMI switch with a remote control was selling for upwards of $200. Now you can get one from Monoprice that's been favorably reviewed for $63.75. For bare-bones switching, a 2x1 manual switch from Monoprice (pictured above) is now down to $28.93. Now yer talkin'. We just wanted to keep our dear Giz readers from getting jacked. – Charlie White

Why is this price gouging continuing? As Ars Technica so deftly postulated yesterday, there's no difference. We figure the best we can do to help the situation is to get the word out. And you suckas who think there's a diff, well, I'll sell you my HDMI shorts for $89.99. – Charlie White

Product Page, HDMI Cables [Firefold]

That's because even though the FCC has been collecting information about cellular network outages since 2004, the federal agency is keeping that information secret, even after TV news network MSNBC filed a Freedom of Information Act request for the outage data.

Why wouldn't the FCC spill the beans? "National security risks," the chickenshit bureaucrats whined. Gee, thanks for looking out for us, Uncle Sam. Protect those moneygrubbing corporate predators, while the rest of us keep asking, "Can you hear me now?" – Charlie White

Why Cell Phone Outage Reports Are Secret [The Red Tape Chronicles, via The Consumerist]