Those of you who hate the gallery format can see it all on one page by clicking here. Oh, and basically everything in this post is NSFW.

The Fleshlight: There are many flavors to the Fleshlight—you can now even custom design it to your specifications—but the base idea remains constant through all of them. It's a plastic flashlight you place your junk into. The sensation is halfway between your hand and a real person, which explains its popularity despite the extra preparation and cleanup. Your giftee will thank you for the experience, but curse you for the added work. $50-$90, depending on the type of Fleshlight and type of hole. [Review]

Form 2: For the ladies, you have the Form 2 from Jimmy Jane. It's a palm-sized vibrator that Fleshbot claims is basically the best vibrator around. The semi-discrete bunny-shaped body means it's up to your female (or male) loved one to figure out how they want to use it. $135. [JimmyJane]

FyreTV: The first set-top-box, all-in-one digital streaming solution to get porn from the internets onto a big-ass living room HDTV. It's not free, but the amount of variety included beats having to haul over to the adult video store every time your friend needs a new title for his DVD player. $10 a month, plus more for more credits. [FyreTV; Review]

Real Touch: It's like a Fleshlight that knows exactly what porn you're watching, and moves exactly as the person onscreen does. Fleshbot's review says it's pretty darn good, but due to technical problems with Windows 7—damn you Microsoft!!!—we haven't been able to test it out ourselves. We can say that it's like putting a football-sized piece of plastic up to your groin, but since it doesn't work yet, we can't say much else. Oh, and there's no Mac support. So make sure your recipient doesn't have a Mac (or knows how to use boot camp). $200, plus more for more minutes. [Real Touch; Fleshbot Review]

The OhMiBod: Yeah, it's the vibrator that works in sync with an iPod. This is the closest a person's going to get to actually making love with an Apple device without sticking it inside themselves. Plus, they get to hear their own music while they pleasure themselves. So, double bonus for that Apple fan on your gift list. $130. [Babeland; Review]

Mini DisplayPort to HDMI Adapter: And what if a person wants to get their porn onto their TV while still taking advantage of all the free adult content out there? Easy: just hook up a Mac to a TV with an adapter. It's easily cheaper than paying over and over for so-called premium content, seeing as any local BitTorrent site has lots of porn for your friend to slurp down. $70 [Kanex; Review]

Real Doll: It's old, in internet years, but no company has quite managed to get their product to a stage to rival the Real Doll. Yeah, it's a full body simulation of a woman, and it costs so much that it's unlikely that you're going to buy this for anyone but yourself. And even then, it's super unlikely, thanks to the price. But it is the closest you're going to get to being intimate with a robot in the next 10 years. $6000 [Real Doll]

Any iPhone porn app: Do you hate the person you're giving this to? Are you trying to drum up business for local optometrists? There are plenty of better, and LARGER, porn opportunities than trying to squint at something on an iPhone. Not to mention that these apps are all super crappy anyway. [iPhone NSFW]

All Giz Wants is our annual round-up of favorite gift ideas, including amazing attainable objects and a few far-out fantasies. We'll be popping guides catered to different interests several times per day for the next week, so keep checking back.

All joking aside, there really is a lesson to take away from the clip. Those silly oh-I'm-feeling-a-bit-naughty-this-morning pictures can come back to haunt you. Because once they're sent through MMS, emails, or instant messages, those snapshots are out of your hands and you're left wondering who might wind up seeing those pictures of you in nothing but lacy stockings.

So to sleep better at night, just watch who you send pervy pictures to, keep your face or particularly identifying characteristics out of the snapshots, and don't forget about clearing the EXIF data. That's all there is to it, so be safe, kiddies.

That answer is unclear. Fleshbot tests it out and says that although it has its downsides—PC-only, lots of setup and cleanup, plus it's super expensive—the actual sensation (or sensations, for different orifices) is fantastic.

Head over to Fleshbot (NSFW) to see their review. We'll be covering this as well, from a more technical view to explain how it works, how they get the video synced up and how well it performs as a gadget; albeit a gadget for your penis. [Fleshbot (NSFW)]

They're an early precursor of the IUD, called a stem pessary. And yes, they were as dangerous as they look. Condoms seem, like, cuddly by comparison. See more of the horrible evolution of anti-pregnancy technology at Newsweek, just be warned you might instinctively clutch your own private parts in fear: [Newsweek]

*Unless it's a phone call for sex with more than one person, in which case, that is an acceptable useage. [Copyranter via Gawker]

I'm actually reviewing two different products from Fleshlight: the Fleshlight Motion ($90-$150) and the Sex in a Can ($40). But they're both just different versions of the same rubber vagina. The Sex in a Can puts that fake vagina in a big fake beer can, while the aforementioned Fleshlight Motion gives you a leather-encased box to hold on to while you do your thing.

In theory, there's nothing wrong with using an object to help out your solo stimulation. After all, ladies have all sorts of fun toys that they use, and it's pretty acceptable. But the male sex toy has never really caught on. Now that I've used one, I can see why.

What You're Getting Yourself Into, Literally

When it gets down to it, these things just don't feel right. They're made of a rubbery material that feels absolutely nothing like anything resembling a human body part. They try to make up for that by instructing you to soak them in warm water first and then using a shitload of lube, but really, you're still fucking a piece of rubber, and there's nothing you can do to trick your body into thinking otherwise.

And do you seriously want to go through the process of soaking a fake vagina in water, lubing it up and then going to town on it? And have you thought about what happens when you're done? This is no kleenex cleanup, my friends. You need to go to a sink and rinse out your rubber vagina and its plastic case. Imagine doing that, and imagine how you'd feel about yourself at that moment. Got that picture in mind? It's worse than that. Trust me.

Surviving the Shame

If you were really interested in these things, however, I can see how the Sex in a Can could be justified. It's pretty discreet, and it's one of those things that could easily be hidden in the back of a sock drawer. And far be it from me to tell you what feels good and what doesn't. But the Fleshlight Motion, well, that's just too much.

Seriously, where are you supposed to put this thing? The best you could do to hide it would be to put it in a closet, and even then it would take up a ton of room. A gigantic leather sex toy is the ultimate dealbreaker if a potential mate comes over. I mean, how can you really justify a huge box with a vagina? At least if you have a creepy sex room with all sorts of wedges and swings it shows that you're into having sex with another person. This just shows an extreme dedication to a party where only you and your penis are invited.

And if you're able to stay aroused when you look down and see this thing beneath you, you're a better man than I. Seriously, there's nothing that kills a boner faster than the self-awareness that comes from being balls deep in a piece of furniture.

At the end of the day, these Fleshlights just made me appreciate the classic standby of jerking off with your hand. I mean, it's so perfect. It fits well, you can adjust the tightness, it's always at human-body temperature, it's free and there's no need to hide it. You just can't improve on that. [Fleshlight]

Will never turn you down

Certainly a different sensation than you're used to

Feels like you're having sex with a CPR doll

Extremely embarrassing if discovered by friends, family or potential mates

Really gross to clean up

With the over-tanned Access ET intro and all, I thought this may have been real for a half a second. Then I saw it was written and directed by Joe Swanberg, an indie-film maker known for his preoccupation with digital technology and non-simulated sex scenes. Oh, and it was on: [Funnyordie]

Transhumanists believe so, and contemplate how technology might be used to enhance our mental and physical capacities.

H+ Magazine has round up some leading minds, and steered their thoughts towards sex. Will it still exist as we know it today?

Sex for procreation will be separated from sex for pleasure. Polyamorism will be the norm. After all if "I" have uploaded, duplicated myself and exist as self-similar copies in cyberspaces co-existent with realspace, where does the "self" end and the "other" begin? —Extropia DaSilva

Exosex, sex outside the biological body, would be simulated in virtuality, much like Second Life or Skype and other digital formats where sex is enhanced, extended, digitized, and synthetic. It would be more real than real - a hyper-real experience. —Natasha Vita-More

Woah. More trippy concepts for your Wednesday morning after the jump. Not exactly safe for work, though. [H+ Magazine via Fleshbot NSFW]

A customer "eventually" notified the manager, and the DVD was removed from the player. "Eventually" as in, "after we all got our fill of the hot action." So that's what this guy was looking at! [swtimes via obscuredrugstore]

Yes, it's the Fleshlight Motion, "the Ultimate Hands Free Experience." Just think: now you can jerk off and eat a sandwich with both hands at the same time! Sure, it'll be about 1,000 times more embarrassing if your mom walks in on you using this thing rather than pleasuring yourself traditionally, but who cares? You take masturbating seriously and you don't care who knows it.

Be sure to check out David Cross' Twitter feed, which includes a whole bunch of catchphrases for the Fleshlight Motion submitted to him by his followers. Amazing stuff. [Fleshlight Motion via David Cross]

The Hi Yo Silver - The woman wears the Snuggie on her back and he holds the bottom. Ride off into the sunset, or stay inside where its warm.

Superwoman - She wears the Snuggie on her back. He holds the other end in his teeth. You are super if you can hold yourself up and keep him quiet at the same time.

The Cuddly Puppy - The man wears the Snuggie on his front and covers her. She feels warm and cozy like Grandma's house, but still knows who her daddy is.

The Tablecloth - She lies on the table. He wears the Snuggie on his front while the bottom end covers her. It's just not a holiday without stuffing.

It's sure not the sexiest piece of footage I've ever seen, but it's interesting. I guess? What's great is that the researchers were pretty upfront about there being no real point to this study other than just seeing if they could do it. Look at their objective!

Objective: To find out whether taking images of the male and female genitals during coitus is feasible and to find out whether former and current ideas about the anatomy during sexual intercourse and during female sexual arousal are based on assumptions or on facts.

This is exactly the kind of thing we'd do if you gave us any kind of equipment—test the limits of it. Also, can you imagine trying to have sex in an MRI tube? That's got to make the back seat of a compact car feel like a king-size bed by comparison.

Now that sex is done, we need to start the MRI on other bodily functions. Urination, defecation...I guess that's it. [Improbable Research]

Over a period of 7 years, broken condoms returned to a supplier (SSL, Durex) via consumer complaints were examined to determine the cause of failure. Also, some consumers who reported breakage but did not return condoms were sent a questionnaire on the causes of breakage. Finally, theories proposed for the mechanism of breakage were investigated on a laboratory coital model. RESULTS: Nearly 1000 (n=972) returned condoms made from natural rubber and polyurethane were examined. Visible features on those that were broken, were classified. Evidence combined from examining returns, questionnaire responses and the coital model strongly suggests a single predominant mechanism of failure we named "blunt puncture," where the tip of the thrusting male penis progressively stretches one part of the intact condom wall until it ultimately breaks.

Wait just a goddamned minute. People mail in their broken condoms?! What in the holy fuck? I'm as big a fan of providing feedback to manufacturers when products don't work as advertised, but that's downright disgusting. [NCBI ROFL via io9]

This theory, though extremely difficult to prove conclusively, doesn't jibe with CERN's latest explanation for their LHC's failure to perform:

The latest delays to the restart of the Large Hadron Collider are likely to have been caused by a faulty hose.

To the contrary, my Franco-Swiss friends. [Reddit]

The DoggieLoveDoll is by a different designer, but this one is actually real. It's shaped like a dog and, yes, has a butthole for your dog to go to town on.

It's marketed towards dogs who are left home alone a lot, but man, can't you just get your dog a chew toy? This just ain't right. [Baltimore Sun]

I have been keeping stats of my sex life for years using a spreadsheet. I love the idea that it has now been put into an app... giggity giggity. The added password was a good addition.

Keeping stats of your sex life using a spreadsheet? Like freaking (probably fantasy) football? I have nothing against hot private diaries or blogs, but come on, who the hell uses a spreadsheet for this? Does he/she hand score cards to the lover at the end of the date? Or does he—I've to assume it's a he, sorry—use stupid applications like Passion for iPhone? Is the reviewer Zoltan?

I don't want to know. [iTunes Store via Krapps]

Passion works by using all of the iPhone's distinct features such as the microphone, accelerometer and many others to determine an accurate score. All you have to do is start the application, put your iPhone on the bed, in an arm band, or even in your pocket and have intercourse, it is as easy as that. Once you are finished, press the stop button and view your results.

Unfortunately, the app doesn't automatically dock you 5 points for using it in the first place as it should, making it completely inaccurate.

[iTunes Link via Chris Alvares]

You may also be interested to know that a digital camera with video took 39% of the vote in the poll, making it the gadget of choice when it comes to making homemade porn. That's really not surprising, but 54%? Seriously? Haven't you guys seen enough amateur porn on the internet to realize this stuff often becomes public? Maybe that's not a concern for you, but I feel compelled to ask the following question to the individuals that voted "yes": do you delete these videos/images, or do you archive them?