These be aim'd at addle-brain'd ninja (be thar enny oth'r kind). We pirates be more fis'lly sound with our booty.

Fer example, I be havin' a diversified portfolio that be spread b'twixt high risk/high yield emergin' mark'ts along the spice routes, foreign currency options, an' energy producers, with a hefty share o' the doubloons in bridge loans fer municipal projects an' th' like.

Jes' t' be safe, I be keepin' a goodly lot in Vanguard mutual funds. Th' fund managers daughter be me hostage an' I be remindin' him tha' enny yield below 10% annual be resultin' in her pretty head bein' lopp'd off.

Lastly, I be puttin' me monies in recession proof places like liquor an' gamblin' an' whorin'. An' pictures of kittens. Everybody be lovin' pictures o' kittens.

As an added insurance policy, I bury 10% of me capital gains as defin'd in a little known loophole o' th' tax code.

Ninjas be too thick-skulled t' be doin' enny retirement plannin' which be why they be buyin' wastin' assets like these. An' also why they be runnin' around all day in pyjamas and havin' to live in shared apartments wi' data entry clerks.

B'sides, were anythin' like this t' be aim'd at pirates, th' price would be higher but tha' be irrelevant because we pirates be jus' takin' what we be wantin'

Stupid ninjas.

 Reply

Any of you should feel free to get them for me.

Thank you.

 Reply