The boy, who attends middle school in Southern California, is the victim of a beating that seems to stem from a Facebook page proposing "Kick a Ginger Day," which in turn is linked to a particular episode of South Park. The worst part? That poor kid was beaten up not once but twice, in the same day, by two separate groups of his classmates. Luckily it seems the kid was not seriously injured, though as of yet his attackers have not been arrested. As the proud coworker of two redheads, I hope the bullies get their asses kicked by a large Scottish man. [CNN]

Sure it's been the lead story on CNN and a big story on Gawker, but there just wasn't enough DIY mechanics or cellphone-related mayhem for us to pounce on this little gem. As a dad, I don't like seeing shit like this, but knowing there's a happy ending made it a bit easier to view. Oops, did I give too much away? [Gawker]

Hairband balladeers from the roaring '80s will be disappointed to learn that holes in the heart previously only able to be filled by some girl who is already dating some other guy can now be filled by a patch made of stem cells. As for the rest of us, we naturally assumed that if stem cells could give Christopher "Butthole" Reeve real Superman strength and build replica's of Shakey's Pizza, well, of course they can patch heart holes. [PopSci]

By March of next year, many British police officers will be handed a smartphone in order to maintain communication while increasing time in the field. It may work, assuming they block like a million distractions. Frankly, the only reason I wanted to even mention this in Remainders was to remind the world of that stroke of British police genius, Hot Fuzz, through Photoshop. It was that or an image of the gmilfy Prime Suspect herself, Helen Mirren. Did I choose wrong? [BBC via Engadget]

Science produces explanations great and small, and finally got around to one we've been waiting for since Heinrich "Coca" Cola invented the fizzy beverage: Why do we love the carbonation? Everyone used to think it was the exploding carbonation bubbles, but sure enough, it's the carbon dioxide itself—you listening, Al Gore???—that sends a message to open up the sour taste buds, delivering a genuine flavor change. Sure, it's not gadget news, but now, when you head out to the bars, you can order beer in the name of science. [Daily Mail UK]

iLounge reports that the rejection letter for the iPhone app Newspaper(s)—thanks to "objectionable content" since it carries the UK's The Sun, with its boobies-filled Page 3—made reference to iPhone 3.0's upcoming parental controls, and told the developer Makayama that it "would be appropriate to resubmit your application for review once this feature is available."

This seemingly confirms what we suspected: That the new, expanded parental controls which finally cover apps would give way to a more full-featured app ecosystem with mature content, like any other real store—or the iTunes Music Store, which Trent Reznor pointed to when his app was rejected. Currently there isn't a mechanism in place for controlling the sale of explicit app content, like there has been for the music store.

Really, though, it was only a matter of time, if for no other reason than Apple's serious gaming push. A real gaming platform, a complete one, needs content that runs the gamut from kiddie to killer. You've gotta have Mature-rated games, the Metal Gears and Mass Effects of the world. (Even Nintendo discovered this eventually.)

So Baby Shaker might not slink back, but an "explicit" badge and real parental controls mean Apple can finally let South Park, The Downward Spiral and other mature content finally come on through, since it can point to the protections it has in place to keep them out of the pockets of kids. Which means parental controls might be iPhone 3.0's secret best feature. [iLounge]

It, along with the rest of the episodes in Season 12, can be yours in Blu-ray if you act now. Or act later. It probably won't sell out. Whatever you do, you really need to watch that above episode to see what would happen if the internet really did go out. Or the clip below, if you want to see Cartman get his ass kicked.

Their warehouse really is like a centralized Imperial headquarters that controls all things South Park. Says Matt Stone: "The way we are set up now, when, say, Netflix wants season five, we can just push a button and make it happen."

Interestingly, they also met with Hulu and Joost, but only Netflix was willing to pay, so Netflix is the only streaming service with rights to it. Which makes sense, since Matt and Trey personally get half of all the online revenue—a prescient move that's been in their contract since 1997.

They definitely get it in ways most corporate suits don't: "People just have to sit through a short commercial and then we give them every episode in very high quality that makes stealing it seem dumb... Anywhere there is an iPhone, an Xbox, or a computer, people can watch the show now, which is good for us and for Comedy Central." Except on the iPhone, thanks to Apple.

Of course, it doesn't hurt that South Park has the perfect audience for them to explore outside the 4:3 box in living rooms more than just about anybody else. [NYT - Thanks Tim!]

By specialty content apps, we mean iPhone or iPod Touch apps that are either portals to online content or self-contained readers and music players. Writers who can't find distribution elsewhere are publishing at the App Store, and even musicians are now finding the App Store to be an avenue for their content. We don't like it.

Yes, we admire the pluck of the struggling artist, but damn if that won't end up being super confusing fast. There are currently 89 pages of book apps at the iTunes store. How about one good multiformat reader that can take all kinds of books?

Can you imagine having an icon for every book you read, and every album you want to hear? Soon, one imagines, filmmakers will release video apps with just one video—better to drop that sheeit on YouTube and have it accessible via a channel that already exists.

Besides distribution, the reason some of these people are doing it is revenue: You can sell apps at any price you want without a raised eyebrow (though cheaper is better), and in some cases, like that bootlegged South Park app we checked out—not recommended, btw—ads can be inserted for bonus cash flow.

There are, however, cases where a content app is a totally brilliant way to go, and that's where the fanbase is already built up, and the content is already overflowing. Newspaper apps from the NY Times and USA Today make sense, and the South Park app does too—there are so many episodes and clips that an app dedicated to keeping track of your favorites and grabbing them when you want them is "almost perfect," as we said.

Here are some other content apps we'd love to see:
• The Simpsons
• Futurama (You're welcome, Chen!)
• The Daily Show
• Colbert Report
• Star Wars universe
• Star Trek universe
• DC comics
• Marvel comics

Are there any portals you'd wish for? Hell, anything with more than four seasons on DVD would kinda make sense, though it helps when there's an exceptionally enthusiastic fanbase.

These specialty apps aren't going to replace iTunes, nor will they edge out a Netflix app, an Amazon VOD app and all those other streaming delivery programs that we desperately want to see which are making their way to bigger connected devices, like Blu-ray players and TVs. How much of this will Apple (and, let's face it, AT&T) allow through the front door of the App Store? Hopefully, soon, at least as far as South Park is concerned, we'll hear some answers.

The creators of South Park put together a slick-looking app for the iPhone, allowing free streaming of clips as well as other fun stuff, like wallpapers and news. It looked to be a great little piece of mobile entertainment. Alas.

We first announced our iPhone App back in October, after we submitted the Application to Apple for approval. After a couple of attempts to get the application approved, we are sad to say that our app has been rejected. According to Apple, the content was "potentially offensive." But Apple did admit that the standards would evolve, citing that when iTunes first launched it didn't sell any music with explicit lyrics. At this point, we are sad to say, the app is dead in the water. Sorry, South Park fans.

Hey Apple: we're big kids. You don't need to protect us from South Park. [Boing Boing]

[BoingBoing]

If you didn't already guess which videos were used above, here's a list. There's The Simpsons, Celebrity Death Match, South Park, 2DTV, Freakazoid and of course Pirates of Silicon Valley.

What about the song you say? Well, it's by a group called, wait for it, Komputer. The song is titled, wait for it, "Bill Gates", and is the third track on their 1997 album The World of Tomorrow. If you can't seem to get the song out of your head, you can buy it on both iTunes and Amazon.com.

At the end of this week Bill Gates will leave his post at Microsoft, but his various TV and film characters will live on forever. Since Ballmer will be taking over, we can only hope that he gets the same treatment, cause a crazy-ass cartoon character of that guy would be hilarious.
Add vids we missed in the comments.
[Bill Gates' Retirement Party on Giz]

And it's because you assholes are using it too much. Cicconi argued that the "unprecedented new wave of broadband traffic" currently flooding the tubes will increase to 50 times what it is now by 2015, with video making up 80 percent of all internet traffic by 2010. So yeah, you really can only use the internet for porn twice a day, max, or it could one day be gone forever.

Of course, this was all just a lead up to poo on government-enforced net neutrality, the overt argument being that only the ISPs know how to manage the internet, with the subtext that only traffic management can save it: "I don't think government intervention is the right way to do this kind of thing. I don't think government can anticipate these kinds of technical problems. Right now, I think Net neutrality is a solution in search of a problem."

But can you really trust someone who doesn't believe in the giant Linksys router? [Cnet via Valleywag]

They're mercifully short, but you get hit with about three per episode (marked by the little white lines in the timeline), though you have a limited ability to jump around the ep to sorta avoid them. Still, they're less intrusive than the pop-ups that assault you at AllSP.com or the like. Which is probably a big part of why they're doing this—the online audience for South Park is huge, with lots of sites streaming eps and major torrent traffic. So why not get a slice of that ad revenue?

Ads are going to be a part of any free TV online equation, unfortunately. So are rights issues—for some reason the Britney ep is already available, but the first episode of the current season won't be up until April. WTF? But all in all, they get it as right as an official channel can for the time being, which looks startlingly like a glimpse at the future of TV. Update: Another reason living in Canada sucks: No access for Canadians. [South Park Studios]

It's a ballsier move than putting The Daily Show online, as South Park sells lots of DVDs, and these episodes will directly compete with episodes available for sale in stores. The Daily Show is less valuable as it gets older, as it's news-based, so putting episodes that poke fun of Ralph Nader online wasn't as much of a risk. If successful, look for more MTV and Comedy Central shows to get this treatment (The State! Please!). The more free TV shows online the better, as far as we're concerned. We'd like it if they spread the love and made all these episodes available to other players such as Joost, but I guess we should be happy with what we get. [Reuters]

The players will be pre-loaded with MTV content and come in South Park (a Viacom property) and Pimp My Ride versions. The PMR version holds about 1GB, include FM tuner and voice recorder, and a more advanced version has a 1.5-inch display and can play video. No pricing but it's a September launch. – John Biggs

MTV-branded music players launch September [MacWorld via i4u]