The two guys, dressed as Mario and Luigi, were in a yellow cab with two other individuals at around 4am. It was then when one of the passengers tried to get his hand into the driver's pocket, who stopped in a gas station at 863 Arthur Kill Road in Great Kills, and asked them to pay and leave.

At that point, Mario and Luigi got out of the car and started to beat the cabbie, perhaps thinking that gold coins were going to jump out of him. Idiots. Everybody knows that only works with bouncy brick blocks. [NY Daily News via Kotaku]

Video editing by Kyle VanHemert.

Alexa Longueira fell about 4 or 5 feet into an open manhole in Staten Island, scraping up her back and shoulders in the process, although she is otherwise physically unharmed. Her mother noted that she was also mentally injured, as the sewer was "putrid" and one of her shoes remains down there. Apparently, there were some DEP workers on the scene who were "looking" for cones to mark the area when the girl fell in.

The Longueira family says they will sue, although it's not clear exactly who—the city? The cellphone company? Alexa herself, for not watching where she was walking? Regardless, we are all allowed to laugh at this story, at teenagers with their texting, and at Staten Island as a whole, because the girl is unhurt. Proceed. [MSNBC via Twitter]