Hands

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These chopsticks however are CRAP!

That's a nice render, but until I SEE these being used, I call vaporware...

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Mr. Wilson,

You won't need anything in the record when I finish telling you this. Until this moment, Mr. Wilson, I think I never really gauged your cruelty, or your recklessness. The spork is a combination of a spoon and a fork which has been used by grade schoolers nationwide and is starting what looks to be a brilliant point in Americana. When I decided to comment for this site, I asked Kaiser-Machead, who sits on my right, to be my first assistant. I said to Kaiser, "What would be best to eat either macaroni and cheese or succotash." He chose a spork, and a full case of them was shipped on an afternoon plane. That night, when we had taken a little stab at trying to see what else we could do with sporks, Kaiser and Buick and I went to dinner together.

I then said to these two young men, "Boys, I don't know anything about you, except I've always liked you, but if there's anything funny in the life of either one of you that leads you to think of other ways to use a spork, you speak up quick."

And Kaiser said, "Ponies, when I was in grade school, and for a period of months after, I thwacked people in the ear with the back of a spork," as you have suggested, Mr. Wilson. He went on to say, "I am Secretary of the Young Commenter's League in Newton with the son of [the] Massachusetts governor, and I have the respect and admiration of my community, and I'm sure I have the respect and admiration of the twenty-five star commenters or so at Gawker."

And I said, "Kaiser, I just don't think I'm going to ask you to comment excessively. If I do, one of these days that will come out, and go over national television, and it will just hurt like the dickens." And so, Mr. Wilson, I asked him to go back to Boston.

Little did I dream you could be so reckless and so cruel as to do an injury to the slander you have done to the spork.

It is, I regret to say, equally true that I fear the proud name of the spork shall always bear a scar needlessly inflicted by you. If it were in my power to forgive you for your reckless cruelty, I would do so.

I like to think I'm a gentle man, but your forgiveness will have to come from someone other than me.

You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?

I weep for the sporks of my youth and for the sporks of our nation's children.

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just sayin'

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"It's tremendously useful and feels good going in but I fear it may harm the lining of my colon."

- Oscar Wilde, On Packaged Convenience Foods

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Oscar Wilde on lovemaking or possibly selecting the best produce

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Ditto. However, my comment on plastic chopsticks pertained mainly to play fighting with them at the table. Strictly on the eating part, bamboo is superior.

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