Gizmodo: Suckers

First Gen iPhone Shortage Hits NYC

Benny Goldman — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:30:00 EDT

At the Apple store on NYC's West 14th Street this morning, I caught this line, 30 people deep (my conservative estimate). I asked an employee what they were waiting for, and he told me "the iPhone." When I incredulously said it wasn't coming—we suppose—for another month, he said it wasn't the 3G iPhone, but "the one that came out last June. It's been out of stock all week." I asked him if he thought anyone should tell these poor saps that they should hold off for a month—before their dreams are crushed—but he just said "I don't think so." He couldn't actually confirm whether or not replenishments were on their way.

Transparent Opus Speaker Cables Bring You Audio Nirvana for $43,000 a Pair

Charlie White — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 10:59:07 EDT

We learned a lot from the feedback we got from the story about those "danceable" $7,250 cables from Pear Cable. Besides a complete reinforcement of that concept of a sucker being born every minute, we also found out the Pear Anjou cable's $7,250 price is a downright bargain compared with the prices of these Transparent Opus MM SC cables, where a pair of 25-footers will run you a cool $43,000.

One of the most astonishing accomplishments of the Transparent Cable Company is how it gets "reviewers" to play along with its con game.

This is from the Transparent Cable website:

"We are also pleased that so many members of the audio press have chosen to write about Transparent Cable. While our upper-end products seem to garner the most attention in the sheer number of reviews written, audio experts write about our more affordable cables, too. Reviewers everywhere agree that Transparent products at all levels deliver superb performance and great value for the asking price."

The asking price of $43,000 for a pair of cables?! What the hell has happened to the audio industry? We're just wondering why they're futzing around with cables, when they could be advocating 50,000,000-watt amplifiers for sale for millions of dollars. Soon, they'll be talking about quantum mechanics. Oh, wait, maybe they have already. [Transparent Cable]

Nothing is On Sale for $6.28

Charlie White — Fri, 04 May 2007 23:00:00 EDT

It had to happen. Someone is now selling Nothing, and undoubtedly, some suckers are buying it. It's a piece of packaging with a clear plastic sphere sticking out of it that contains absolutely nothing. Well, there's something in there, but it's just the same as what's outside it: thin air. And get this: It costs $6.28. It's Nothing for something!

Heck, if Seinfeld makes billions of dollars on an entire TV series about nothing, certainly some enterprising entrepreneur can swipe a few thousand from those who want to send a message to their "loved ones." But if there's actually something in there, then this is not nothing, it's something.

So besides being a poor value, it's mislabeled. Might be worth $2 worth of laughs, but not $6.28. Is this that "nothingness" Camus and Hemingway wrote about? – Charlie White

Product Page [I Want One of Those, via Oh Gizmo]

Bling H2O for the Super-Idiots and Paris Hilton's Dog

Charlie White — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 11:32:43 EDT

The water salesmen have reached a new low with Bling H2O, arriving into the greedy paws of supersuckers in a 750ml bottle coated with Swarovski crystals and costing upwards of 30 ($56). If that doesn't make your blood boil, consider that the horse-faced Paris Hilton was seen pouring a drink of this shit for her little doggie. Grrr.

We're reminded that things like this happened just before the fall of the Roman Empire. Could the past be prologue? – Charlie White

Bling Water For the Uber-Rich [BornRich]

Mollibrands Premium Waters: Buy This and We'll Shoot Your Dog

Charlie White — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 12:39:32 EDT

The water sellers have stepped over the line again, now marketing the stuff toward pets. Mollibrands' precious website makes my skin crawl, where the anthropomorphizing goes so far beyond the realm of reality that these people must have been upset about the reclassification of Pluto because it's their homeland. Get this:

"Since we are pet parents ourselves, we have created the precise formula to support pets' key body functions for a healthy life."

Funny how there's no mention of the price of this Molli's Choice water, which if you have to ask, you probably can't afford it. The company offers this most rare of products in an unflavored version and "a selection of subtle and sophisticated flavors to keep even the most discriminating pet properly hydrated." Maybe you should try pouring some of this premium bottled water in your toilet, the vessel preferred only by the most discriminating pets. – Charlie White

Product Page [Mollibrands, Inc., via TRFJ]

Canned Oxygen For Sale, Suckas

Charlie White — Mon, 15 May 2006 10:29:19 EDT

You must have seen this coming: now they want to sell you some hot air. Seven-Eleven Japan has announced it will be selling cans of oxygen in its stores beginning May 24. Each can contains enough oxygen for 35 two-second inhalations, and the company says this will last a week if it's used five or six times a day.

Taking a look at the runaway success of selling water to people for hundreds of times what it costs, it's no surprise that marketers have now identified a whole new category of suckers to exploit. This time, as the gullible public sucks oxygen out of cans, their money is sucked out of their pockets—further proof that there is nothing like the good old placebo effect to separate fools from their money. The sales price of the oxygen cans wasn't revealed.

Sales of canned oxygen to create fresh market for Seven-Eleven Japan [RapidNewsWire]

Marketers Set to Sell You Hot Air

Charlie White — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 11:13:23 EDT

Riding on the coattails of the bottled water hysteria, now marketing weasels are conning people into buying a breath of fresh air. Canned oxygen is the newest luxury item, and it's available in flavors and essences that give you a variety of entirely new ways to throw away your money and think you're feeling better because of it.

Website Failed Success has an informative article about this budding sucka-fad, a good read:

If you thought bottled water is big, wait until this product hits full stride. If you said to yourself back in the eighties, "who would pay for water in a plastic bottle", you might not want to miss out twice. The market has proven that ideas such as this, built on a foundation of being pure, fresh, and clean; can be destined to succeed.

Doctors say the whole thing is bullshit, but of course, few have gone broke underestimating the gullability of American consumers. No word on how much these cans of O2 will cost, but they sure as hell won't be cheap. Sounds like a lot of hot air to us.

Canned Oxygen Could be the Next Bottled Water [Failed Success via boingboing]