Each stun, of about 110 volts, delivers a shock that immediately and effectively disables the lobster's nervous system, allowing you to brain-stab or boil with no fear that you'll be going to some sort of hell presided over by giant lobsters in which you're boiled alive and served with a delicious lemon-butter-caper sauce and maybe some kind of side salad, even though you know the lobster that ends up eating you is going to ignore the salad because hello, human! Delicious!

The lobster taser is officially, and disappointingly, called the CrustaStun. Opportunity missed, Lobster Taser Inventors. [MAKE]

The team examined over 24,000 cases where police had used force, including almost 5500 incidents involving a Taser. After controlling for factors such as the amount of resistance shown by the suspect, they found that Taser use reduced the overall risk of injury by 65 per cent.

[New Scientist]

The dispute was over Child Protective Services taking his daughter, and it wasn't until she was grabbed from him that witnesses say police jammed the Taser in his ribs. He fell out of the wheelchair, and in the scuffle his pants fell down. After being handcuffed, he was left exposed to the public for about 10 minutes. From all reports, there looks to be no suggestion of anything inappropriate going on with his daughter, so the hope is that the incident wasn't racially motivated.

But my question is: can police just Taser anyone they don't like now? The mounting police-brutality stories in our Taser archive suggest so. And that just sucks. [Merced Sun-Star via Daily Kos]

It's no wonder that Daniel Wood looks terrified in his mugshot. He'd just been shocked and set on fire after all he wanted to do was get a cheap high (and maybe nibble on a cop or two). The article switches back and forth on whether it was a Taser or a stun gun that was used on Wood, but it explains that:

The makers of stun guns warn that such fires are extremely rare but a risk nonetheless, and Lancaster's written policy for the department's seven new Tasers says that the devices shouldn't be used when flammable materials are evident.

Apparently this isn't the first time use of a Taser ended with a fire either. According to the article, some guy in Australia decided to run toward police officers after pouring gasoline on himself and a tasering later: Kapoosh! Flames. In that case it makes perfect sense that a fire could start, but Wood only huffed a bit of keyboard cleaner. How could that be sufficient for combustion? [Dispatch via Obscure Store]

The Travis County cop says that he had to pull out the Taser last week because she wouldn't sign her ticket and then started to act violent. Sadly, his commanding officer backed him up.

Now look here, piggies: I'd be tempted to tase the woman too for getting out of line when you may or may not be trying to do your job. But seriously, you could toss her in a cop car with one arm tied behind your back if you wanted to. And using a leopard-print taser doesn't count. Just because it looks feminine doesn't mean it packs any less of a punch.

Also, thank god the cop cam had video AND audio, because the dialogue from 40 seconds and on made me laugh. Multiple times (yes, I'm going to hell). The best part—the cop actually expected her to put her arms behind her back after being tased. Aaron Sorkin couldn't have written that better. [Shiny Objects via Obscure Store]

So this is what Lancaster residents can expect should they find themselves on the wrong side of the law. Watch your back Amish folks! Hit the following link for the full slideshow. [WGAL via Fark]

Jon Haddock's "Ndrew Meyer (Don't Tase Me Bro)" is a seriously impressive hand-cranked wooden automaton that shows our hero getting tased over and over again. I particularly like the shaking that happens as the deed is done. Accuracy is so important in these things!

[White Lead via Make]

You've got to wonder just what was going through prison officer Walter Schmidt's head when he decided to use a 50,000-volt stun gun on some kids visiting the Talahassee prison he worked at. One of the kids ended up going to the hospital and, not surprisingly, Schmidt got fired.

37-year-old Schmidt told officials who later fired him that he had only been trying to show the children - whose parents all work at the jail near Tallahassee - what a typical day involves while handling unruly inmates.

'It wasn't intended to be malicious, but educational,' he explained to the St Petersburg Times.

'The big shock came when I got fired.'

The jokes just write themselves, don't they? [Daily Mail via The Daily What]

The good news is that most of those found to be defective were older models—42, specifically, out of 50 found duds. But the majority of tasers in service in Canada and elsewhere likely have a few miles on them (I've seen the Wire, I know how police budgets work!), so this is still not good news.

The study is related to an ongoing investigation of the death of a man at a Vancouver airport in 2007, who was tased 5 times by police. Which has to be a rough way to go. So if you're in a situation where a tasing seems likely, make sure you check the model number in the cop's hand before you get hit with the juice! Yikes I say!

Last year, a different Canadian study found that one-third of those tased need medical attention afterwards. Coincidence? [Edmonton Journal via Fark, photo by Hermanturnip/Flickr]

The one in the top video is self-defense tool shop KSP's TMM S-308 model. The man shows how, despite the layers of heavy clothing, being tazed with that thing still hurts like hell.

But wait, if that one didn't strike your fancy, how about any of these four?

That guy's leg has enough charge to power all the homes in Rhode Island by this point. [Gizmodo Japan]

The suit, filed by the family of 40-year-old Robert Heston Jr. Heston was killed when the police tased him, the autopsy finding that he "died from a combination of methamphetamine intoxication, an enlarged heart due to long-term drug abuse, and Taser shocks." The jury found that Heston was 85% at fault, making Taser 15% responsible for his death.

While Taser spun this as a good thing (we only 15% killed him! Huzzah!), their 12% drop in stock price tells more truth. If Taser is suddenly liable for the damage done to people when taze-happy cops use their weapons, they'll quickly go out of business. Because while for most people a taze is just a seriously unpleasant experience, it's obvious that it has the potential to be far more dangerous for people with heart conditions. [Danger Room]

According to the Deputy DA in Portland, Ryan Wittman had made comments to witnesses saying he wanted his child "to be tough." When first questioned, the dad's genius response was to say that the two of them had been "playing peekaboo." Hmm, that'll be the special version of kilovolt peekaboo we've never heard of, then.

The 100,000-volt weapon Wittman used is, apparently, more powerful than police tasers. Wittman's excuse for the incidents? Arguments with his wife. It took just 20 minutes for the court to decide that Wittman should be sent down for four years. [CNN]

While we've questioned the need for gadgets to be small and pink for girls to get on board, to answer the question at the end of the video, yes, women should totally be arming themselves with Tasers. It's kind of hot, plus we have protection, so it's cool. [Local 6 via Tech Digest]

It turns out that getting tased might, surprise surprise, be bad for the ticker. So think twice before sasstalking officer friendly next time you're out causing trouble, OK? –Adam Frucci

The Trouble With Tasers - What The Manufacturer Doesn't Want You To Know [CrunchGear]