Do you have any Thanksgiving tech support horror stories? Shoot them to me in email form or drop your stories, photos and video in the comments below. You don't have to suffer alone.

As supplied to us by AT&T, the much more flattering "inspiration" for the prank:

[13:14:24]
Darlene: I apologize for the problem. Please contact an AT&T Wireless representative at 1.800.331.0500. Unfortunately I do no have access to that service.

[13:15:15]
robert XX: i'll just jump off a bridge.

[13:17:15]
Darlene: I'll be right with you.

[13:17:39]
robert XX: lol

[13:18:46]
Darlene: I apologize. They will be happy to assist you at that number.

[13:27:38]
Darlene: It has been my goal to provide you with OUTSTANDING service and that you are VERY SATISFIED with the way I've handled your request. In addition to the survey link at the end of this chat, you may receive a call asking about the level of service I have provided. I hope that you are VERY SATISFIED with my service today. Thank you for choosing AT&T!

[13:35:06]
Darlene: Thank you for contacting AT&T. Please use the CLOSE button when you are ready to exit our chat session.

[13:49:37]
Darlene: I haven't heard from you in awhile. Do you wish to continue this chat?

[13:56:58]
Darlene: I am ending this chat session since I have not heard from you. If you wish to chat with AT&T again, please open a new chat session. We look forward to serving your needs now and in the future.

[13:57:13]
info: Thank you for chatting with us. Please click the "Close" button on the top right of the chat window to tell us how we did today.

[Digg via Consumerist]

Apparently, only 24% of females don't read the manual before picking up the phone. Good on you, ladies. Apparently you're far less lazy than us when it comes to reading.

We guys are worse at figuring out the easy stuff, too. 12% of male callers needed to do something stupid to fix the problem, like plugging the item in or turning it on, versus 7% of female callers.

We're also much less pleasant to talk to. Even through the average female customer spends 33% more time on the phone than the average male, 66% of the helpline staff said they preferred talking to female callers.

Of course, I know that all of you male readers fall into the category of never reading the manual and never having needed to. But still, we could be doing better. [BBC]

This isn't Carol Brady's first foray into tech support however. She was also on the front lines during the DTV conversion. Perhaps that, along with her confusion regarding the intricacies of her own cellphone provided the inspiration to start up FloH.

"I didn't grow up with this technology," she said. "It's like learning a new language."

Now, as a proficient text-messenger, Skyper and active member on Facebook, she wants to help others learn to do the same.

FloH memberships run $25 for a month or $250 for the year and includes access to their telephone support network for any computer-related queries. For an additional $50, users can participate in one-time personal training session on issues ranging from setting up a Facebook account to tuning up your PC. In other words, it's quite a racket. Although, Florence doesn't have to be the one manning the phones from 8am to 2am. To those people all I can say is...Godspeed. [FloH and NYT]

Our young supportsman (not a word) hasn't yet been convicted of a crime, and deserves the benefit of the doubt, but the alleged victim's account of the scenario is pretty spectacular (that's him above, with the shiner):

"The guy essentially snapped. He cold-cocked me, hit me two or three solid shots to the head while my hands were down," said Isakson, a limo driver.

But surely Mr, Isakson was being a dick, or something, right? Right? Well, if you count asking an angry-seeming man for his ID before you let him into your house in Queens as being a dick, then yes. Back to the violence:

But things got uglier, Isakson said, when Benjamin squeezed him around the neck and pressed him up against the wall.

"He's prepared to kill me," Isakson said. "That's all I could think of."

Isakson said he broke free and ran down the stairs — fracturing his ankle along the way — to get help in his building's lobby.

For what it's worth, Verizon did eventually fix the problem, though they apparently didn't need to send anyone into Isakson's home in the first place. Service!

Also, it looks like all those "Verizon face punch" keyword ad buys have finally paid off for Sprint:

[New York Post]

One of the two managers interviewing told him that it actually didn't matter how many he was able to answer—most of the staff can't even answer half of them, stuff like:

• What is special about the Mac Pro’s current Ram setup?
• What is Automator and what does it do?
• If a user account keeps crashing on login what do you do?
• What are 3 keyboard combinations you can boot your computer with?
• Are you familiar with OS 9?
• If a customer asks you to sync music from their iPod to computer, what do you say?
• How do you answer a customer who wants to share music with his friend via iTunes?

If you can pass that weak filter—I don't even own a Mac (unless you count my recently built Hackintosh) and I can answer five of those—you'll be welcomed into a loving environment that is " 'very strict' with its employees and what they do with their free time." Lovely, but Aviv turned the offer down.

It just shows you that Geniuses are no different from any corporate tech support group, be it Geek Squad, Firedog or Crapkitty Battalion: Some of them really know their shit, but almost (or just) as many don't know the command key from that gaping, screaming hole in Steve Ballmer's face. [Macblogz via Valleywag, Image via presta]

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

If you are looking to see how the experts ranked tech support, Consumer Reports has just released their list of the top performers based on reader's experience with 10,000 computer fixes. [Consumer Reports]

Received my "open computer" day before yesterday. Two immediate problems.

First, the noise level was completely intolerable. Never heard a computer as loud in my life.

Second problem was video was DOA right out of the box. No signal going to monitor. Boot up is a moot point as there is nothing to see.

Called the company. A female answered the phone, presumably a receptionist. She informed me some one would return my call shortly and give me RA# I had requested. No call. Called back after several hours. Spoke with one of the guys there in either sales or support. They assured me that they were getting the information from UPS as we spoke and would shortly be sending me the return shipping label via UPS within minutes. Nothing.

Called back again this morning. Was assured that shipping info was to be emailed shortly and they were going to be calling UPS to arrange a pickup for this afternoon. Nothing.

All I want to do is return the computer and get a refund.

We knew about the incredibly loud fan before, but unfortunately reader Rick ordered before he saw it featured here. C'mon, Psystar. The first couple weeks is vital to proving your legitimacy and professionalism. If you're going to drop the ball like this, you might as well just shut down and go home now.

I have had a Eeepc for less than a week. I have never been able to connect to the Internet wirelessly. The dreaded "pending" problem. I decided to call technical support. The tech asked what router I had. I replied "two wire". He says "oh, I have never been able to make one work with two wire." "It's a known issue. We are working on it but DON'T HAVE A TWO WIRE ROUTER TO TEST IT WITH." He continued "I got a friend in the valley who has a two wire router, ive been meaning to go see him and test it out. But he lives pretty far away." Now here I am, having spent $348 on a nice little computer that can only work when hardwired to the router. I already have a computer hardwired, I don't need a tiny little one hardwired. So I ask the tech "what am I supposed to do with this computer? Should I send it back?" He responds "yeah I guess you could do that." I know customer service is bad all around but a big company like Asus doesn't have a router from a larger manufacturer to test their equipment on? Give me a break, you sent out a computer that has not been tested on a commonly used router? I love the machine, but its useless if it doesn't work!!!!!!!!! Asus, get your act together, my goodness!!!!!!!!!

Any readers able to get it working with 2Wire? Seems pretty strange that any laptop wouldn't work with a router, seeing as, you know, they follow a standard. [Thanks John!]

For the full story, hit the following link. [Consumerist]

The guide has some recommendations which may seem obvious, like checking to see what's changed in a system before diagnosing it, but other suggestions like testing your system multiple times after it's up and running is something most of us skip (I know I sure do). Definitely worth a read if you play PC problem solver for everyone in your family. – Louis Ramirez

Becoming an Ace PC Problem Solver [ExtremeTech]

Everything on the desk was blackened with soot and burned either partially or completely. Three external hard drives, a digital camera, videotapes, papers, CD's, etc. The floor, wall, and radiator cover were burned, along with the tabletop.

Every cable that was connected to the laptop, Ethernet, Firewire, Power, and USB, was forcibly shot out of each portal, and each portal covered with the black soot. Metal bits and electronic debris from the power cable hub and other cables was scattered around the room and some wires had split apart into copper shreds. Molten silver metal flecks are still lodged in the windowsill.

The full story of how the cable company incinerated my Powerbook. [MacWork via Consumerist]

The magic word? "L3," referring to Level 3 tech support, putting you in touch with those anointed ones who can not only help you figure out what's wrong, but authorize a truck roll or give you a refund. If you recall, it took us a couple of weeks of going through Road Runner hell before we could talk to someone who could do this. Maybe someday they'll put these people on the first call instead of fobbing us off on those worthless louts whose only trick is to tell us to reboot the modem. – Charlie White

HOWTO: Get Actual Customer Support From Time Warner Cable [The Consumerist]

Mysteriously, the next day, after no modification whatsoever of our network equipment, the problem seemed to be fixed. This is the second time this has happened in the past week. So we put this question to you, readers: are ISPs such as Road Runner concealing problems with their networks, blaming it on the users' equipment, and then furtively attempting a fix later? Are they throttling your connection? Any insiders have info for us? Let's find the truth. Let us know in Tips. – Charlie White