The Xbox One's Real Magic Is Using Voice Commands to Control You

The Xbox One boasts a lengthy feature list that Microsoft hopes will entice gamers over to its side of the console war for the next few years. But as The Onion points out, none are as impressive as the next-gen console's innovative voice commands that make it easier than ever for the hardware to control its users. » 11/22/13 1:00pm 11/22/13 1:00pm

Onion: Samsung's New Smartphone Has Highly Disruptive Blowjob Feature

There's nothing the new Samsung Apex can't do. The smartphone lets you check your email, stream video, and it even sucks your dick. Seriously, smartphones these days are just full-service products. The Onion's take on smartphone market one-upsmanship obviously takes things to an unhinged level. But at least Samsung… » 7/02/13 2:20pm 7/02/13 2:20pm

Here's What Your Favorite App Really Thinks of You

Your favorite apps are there to cater to your every whim. At least until it's time to cater to the whims of a monolith that wants to know your personal details, and is willing to pay top dollar for them. Here's what you really mean to the photo sharing services—and basically everything else—of the world, compliments… » 12/13/12 11:17am 12/13/12 11:17am

The Onion Tackles Its Most Important Topic Ever: The History of the…

From the first microbial ooze to your most recent Facebook poke, the internet's history is as vast and varied as any major civilization's. Since a subject of this importance deserves only the most stringent satirical savaging, The Onion has—thankfully, blessedly—turned its gaze towards the bits and bytes that have been … » 11/14/12 9:43am 11/14/12 9:43am

The Onion Shows Off the GOP's Hot New Voter Suppression App

If the GOP wants to win big on election day, it's going to have to do everything in its power to keep minorities from voting. But as The Onion rightly points out, its voter suppression methods are in drastic need of modernization. That doesn't mean the jokesters can't conjure up VoteRite, a fictional app that's… » 10/24/12 3:14pm 10/24/12 3:14pm