This has the potential to become one of the most serious security breaches at the Ministry for a very long time. An investigation by [the Ministry of Defense] police is ongoing and it would be inappropriate to comment further.

The laptop —which belonged to a RAF officer—was stolen right at the Ministry of Defense's headquarters, along with a USB encryption key that would unlock all the files in the computer. Apparently, this is so serious that there is a huge search going on in London right now, with the police, the military, the secret service, Sean Connery, the manufacturers of Marmite, the Queen, most of the personnel at the Ministry of Silly Walks, and Jones the Dog hunting for it. [Defense Tech]

I can imagine them escaping in the van: "WE ARE RICH!"

And then dividing the booty, later in their lair: "OK, and that will be $25.77 each... hm-mmmmmm."

Oh, the joy.

Alston was showering when he heard a thump. After coming out of the bathroom he noticed all his gadgets missing, including his laptop. Fortunately, he had installed a little program called LogMeIn, which allowed him to securely and remotely log into his notebook. He waited until the thief got online to start getting information that would allow him to pinpoint his location and go to the police.

While some cyberdetectives get to watch porn on the thief's computer, Alston had some fun with him. He deleted any music he uploaded to the system, keep messing around with anything he did and, on April 1st, changed his desktop picture to feature him photoshopped as a lepper.

And all thanks to a remote login program. The moral of the story: Get a waterproof laptop and shower with it. [Newsweek]

The backstory:

In February 2003, Notarbartolo was arrested for heading a ring of Italian thieves. They were accused of breaking into a vault two floors beneath the Antwerp Diamond Center and making off with at least $100 million worth of loose diamonds, gold, jewelry, and other spoils. The vault was thought to be impenetrable. It was protected by 10 layers of security, including infrared heat detectors, Doppler radar, a magnetic field, a seismic sensor, and a lock with 100 million possible combinations. The robbery was called the heist of the century, and even now the police can't explain exactly how it was done.

Josh's meeting with Notarbartolo:

Notarbartolo sits down across from me at one of the visiting room's two dozen small rectangular tables. He has an intimidating reputation. The Italian anti-Mafia police contend he is tied to the Sicilian mob, that his cousin was tapped to be the next the capo dei capi-the head of the entire organization. Notarbartolo intends to set the record straight. He puts his hands on the table. He has had six years to think about what he is about to say.

"I may be a thief and a liar," he says in beguiling Italian-accented French. "But I am going to tell you a true story."

The Cops:

Peys and De Bruycker lead the Diamond Squad, the world's only specialized diamond police. Their beat: the labyrinthine Antwerp Diamond District. Eighty percent of the world's rough diamonds pass through this three-square-block area, which is under 24-hour police surveillance and monitored by 63 video cameras. About $3 billion worth of gem sales were reported here in 2003, but that's not counting a hidden world of handshake deals and off-ledger transactions. Business relationships follow the ancient family and religious traditions of the district's dominant Jewish and Indian dealers, known as diamantaires. In 2000, the Belgian government realized it would require a special type of cop to keep an eye on things and formed the squad. Peys and De Bruycker were the first hires.

De Bruycker called headquarters, asking for a nationwide alert: The Antwerp Diamond Center had been brazenly robbed. Then he dialed Securilink, the vault's alarm company.

"What is the status of the alarm?" he asked.

"Fully functional," the operator said, checking the signals coming in from the Diamond Center. "The vault is secure."

"Then how is it that the door is wide open and I'm standing inside the vault?" De Bruycker demanded, glancing at the devastation all around him.

The Safe:

The Door
1. Combination dial (0-99)
2. Keyed lock
3. Seismic sensor (built-in)
4. Locked steel grate
5. Magnetic sensor
6. External security camera

The Vault
7. Keypad for disarming sensors
8. Light sensor
9. Internal security camera
10. Heat/motion sensor (approximate location)

The story goes into the exact detail on how they got around all the various security measures. Amazingly, no one found the security breach til the weekend was over, but by then, the thieves were long gone. They would have made it, too, if not for one slip up on the side of the road. Read on. [The Untold Story of the World's Biggest Diamond Heist]

*Tip of the hat to the unsung heroes, Josh's editor, Mark Robinson, and all the designers, photographers and top editors and fact checkers on this one.

After the incident, he went out with some friends, where they came up with an idea to get his stuff back. The kind of guys who jack cars probably like drugs and women. And statistically speaking, 51 percent of thieves are dumb. So Heuss sent a text to his stolen phone, acting like one of his friends: "I've got a bunch of hot chicks...we've got some drugs, too."

The thieves, easily duped by the promise of girls and drugs, sent over their address. But instead of hot girls with drugs, they got a visit from the Columbus police officers—not the sexy kind that take off their clothes—and were caught red-handed with the stolen car. All in all, a serendipitous experience: What would've happened if the carjackers were in fact gay straight edgers? Hmm. [WBNS via Joel]

The boys in blue made a beeline for 19 businesses situated on the Blackstock Road, a crime hotspot that, coincidentally or not, is just round the corner from the mosque where extremist preacher Abu Hamza used to preach from. Premises raided included a butcher's shop, internet cafe and greengrocer's.

The raid was not just about cellphones, however—although T-Mobile claims that 40 percent of its stolen phones go on to be used in the Blackstock Road area. Some of the other charges leveled against the suspects include drug dealing, money laundering and selling fake documents.

And the reason for 600 woodentops? Well, a bit like the Kaiser Chiefs, officers predicted a riot, so they sent an entire regiment of men down there. Seventy men were arrested, 300 stolen mobiles recovered, as well as (deep breath) 120 laptops, 110 cameras, 32 iPods and 20 satnavs. Oh, and 47 forged passports and driving licenses. I heart London. [Daily Mail]

Now they've turned their eyes toward electronic heists. At a Best Buy in Tulsa, the burglars entered the store by breaching the ceiling, rappelling down to the store office and cutting a hole into it, taking care of the alarms and surveillance of the store, and then took around 50 laptops and 60-inch plasma TVs. And then they took the safe, weighing a few thousand pounds, which is evidently a trademark of this particular ring.

Their earlier exploits make equally interesting reads. Like when they hit a jewelry store tunneling through to it from an adjoining business. Again they took the safe along with the jewels. Last December, they managed to somehow take 60 large appliances from a Hahn Appliance Center by way of an Office Depot, which would no doubt require a massive truck or two to pull off.

Authorities have nothing on these guys. They take what they want and no one finds it ever again. Of course we don't condone robberies at Gizmodo, but if they are ever caught in the future, I just hope they have some pretty hi-tech methods to dish out on, because there's nothing better than custom gadgetry. – Kevin Hall

Professional Burglary Ring On The Loose [KOTV News via CrunchGear]

Here's a lesson for you, prospective thieves: if you steal a MacBook, it is entirely possible that any pictures you take of yourself using the onboard application Photo Booth could be uploaded directly to a photo-sharing Web site that's frequented by millions of people. That's exactly what happened when a group of hapless robbers got a hold of a MacBook, engaging in hilarity by taking over a hundred pictures of themselves as seen through the fun house mirror that is Photo Booth.

Apparently the rightful owner of the black MacBook had an application such as FlickrBooth 1.1 loaded, uploading every one of those pictures automatically to photo sharing site Flickr. A few weeks after the theft, the owners noticed these photos on their Flickr account. Now here they are, for all to see—four of the more-recognizable pics are in the gallery below. Anyone know these people? Let's find out who they are and perhaps ask them if they've seen a black MacBook lying around anywhere. – Charlie White

Wanted [Flickr]

A footnote to the story: this ATM was handing out four times the amount people requested for nine days before one honest woman fessed up, admitting she had received more money than she should have. What would you do? – Charlie White (Thanks, Jaan!)

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It appears that a critical mass has been reached, where cars are bristling with electronica, highly desired by those less honest than ourselves. Just think, the easier it is to transport, the more appealing it is to thieves. Or, simply put, it's whole lot easier to stick an iPod in your pocket than a Cadillac up your nose. Stop the presses. – Charlie White

Where In The World Is My GPS?: Thieves Targeting Car GPS Units [Jalopnik]

The take included an Ikegami HDN-X10 disk-based HD camera worth $55,000, a $34,000 Canon high-definition lens and a $50,000 Sony HD camera. The hardest-hit victim was Abel CineTech, which had a $72,000 Panasonic VariCam jacked, along with a $27,000 standard-definition Panasonic camera and a $4000 Panasonic MiniDV camcorder. Next year they'll just have to nail everything down.

HD Is Popular With Crooks, Too [Audio Video Producer]