People from the 80s. All the five who survived wearing their hair spray and shoulder pads and striped shirts and silk undapants. You know, the kind that get inside your buttcrack and itch, which is precisely the sensation I get from Schonfeld's description of Time Inc's project:

The demo was shown on an HP table computer with a touchscreen [...] The cover takes up the full screen and you tap it to show a table of contents with thumbnails of the actual layout, which you can rearrange to read in any order you like. To flip through the pages you swipe with two fingers, and you can also tap to get a navigational timeline at the bottom. There is also a navigation wheel which lets you share stories via email, Facebook, or Twitter, favorite a story, go to related videos or photos interviews, other articles, or stats such as live scores.

Holy fuck! Live scores! Score for you, Time Inc! And share stories via email and Facebook and Twitter. Please keep on talking, because you are getting me wet. But please, satisfy my curiosity before I get on my knees and bow down before your genius: How is this different from a web page? Other than costing ten times as much to produce, that is.

Never mind, I will tell you how: It's a lot worse. It's just pasting an old medium into a new one, painting the resulting clusterfuck with two layers of thick varnish. This effort to cling to the past may look pretty, but no matter how much eye candy Time Inc. throws at this, it would still feel stale and dead.

I'm sorry, Time Inc. and Condé Nast and Murdochs of the world, but magazines are not dying because they are printed on paper. They are going under because many other factors. Here are some of them: Reduced attention spans, reader's demand for instant satisfaction, and a general change in visual culture and codes that have rendered the page concept obsolete in favor of more anarchic, time-organized information structures, as well as non-linear ones.

So get over this phase, this desperation of yours to keep the old into the new. That's not how innovation happens. Don't try to translate pages into a tablet format by just adding multitouch, animation, and Twitter links. Instead, think about how the new medium can deliver content in a truly different way, rather than just putting pages together into glorified PDFs. If you can live up to the promise some people believe in, you may succeed. But until you really nail it down, you'll keep reducing staffs and closing publications, no matter how many Apple Tablets are sold. [TechCrunch]

The Big Binary Clock project displays the time using 18 round windows, with the green LEDs representing the hours, the blue representing the minutes, and the red the seconds. The time can be set remotely via Bluetooth, and an NXP ARM7 processor keeps it ticking over nicely. Certainly beats the usual "projects" students "erect" in US colleges. [Big Binary Clock via Hacked Gadgets]

The New York Observer reports that the company formed by publishing's Superfriends—perhaps Legion of Doom is more appropriate—will format and publish rags that "work across multiple digital platforms, whether the iPhone, the BlackBerry or countless other digital devices," though they're not developing their own reader hardware.

Which is where it gets a little sticky, says one of the Observer's sources: "The really, really hard part is that you've got so many different kinds of devices running on different operating systems. And how do you handle that? The consortium provides one point of contact for the consumer. When you come to the main store, you can get the content any way you want."

In one sense, the venture will be very much like Hulu—a separate company from the publishers, run by Time's John Squires, who's been behind the whole initiative, as All Things D originally reported. It's like Hulu for another reason, in that it's more like a disjointed confederation whose motto is hanging together or hanging separately since every publisher clearly rolling their own, separate gambit as well: We've got the tabletized version of Wired (Conde); Heart was planning its very own ereader at one point; and Time too.

It feels like the early, disjointed days of digital music, at best. There's a good chance stuff you buy now (well, soon) isn't going to work forever. Time's thing. Maybe Apple's thing. Some kind of Adobe formatted thing. Amazon and Barnes & Noble's thing. One of them will stick and we'll have our digital magazines preserving an old print format in a digital way—hey, the publishing industry might even save itself—but I'm just going to cower in a corner with free stuff in my web browser until this all gets sorted out. [Observer]

No ridiculous TwitterPeek in their worst 5, but it'd sure be on mine. What would be on yours? Check out Time's great walk-through its 50 top inventions at: [TIME]

Time's 5 Worst Inventions:
1. Draconian electronic "Smile Checks" for Japanese Railway workers who get alerted if they're not perky enough.
2. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Coming soon as a graphic novel, apparently.
3. Snuggies for Dogs. Screw that, how about all Snuggies in general.
4. The Gas-Mask Bra. It's real, and one of the award-winning inventions from this year's quirky Ig Nobel Awards.
5. Computers being used in the UK to automatically mark student's essays. Yeah, this screams stupid. Problem is, the University of Missouri started doing it in 2005.

Technically, the moment to hop back in time is whenever 2 a.m. strikes in your time zone (or sometime last week if you're in Europe), but if you're getting ready to snuggle up in bed then you might want to take care of the clocks first.

Now let's be open and honest with each other. What are you doing with your extra hour? Will it be spent spooning, snuggled up with a loved one? Getting a head start on the next month? Recovering from chocolate overdose? Reading through Gizmodo comments? [Thanks for the DST reminder, Jrsy Devil's Advocate®!]

Photo by Robbert van der Steeg

Here's how it'd work: There'd be a new company running a digital store for all of the publishers where people could buy and manage their magazine subscriptions that would be delivered on "any" device. Supposedly, Time Inc's gotten Conde Nast (publisher of Wired, Vanity Fair, etc.) and Hearst (Popular Mechanics, Esquire, etc.) ramped up about the idea as well, which would launch in 2010.

Great, except that it's not going to work. As Peter Kafka points out, they have to convince people to sign up for another service—not an easy feat if they're already tangled up with a Kindle or Apple. Especially if this new service will be just magazines, and not include newspapers. And there's no way Amazon or Apple will let the publishers tie a separate service into their devices, pissing in their pool. The whole point of the Kindle is that Amazon controls the delivery method, and that's likely how Apple's tablet will work—downloading magazines and newspapers and textbooks through iTunes, just like iPhone apps or iTunes music.

Which basically leaves the the publishers with a handful of generic readers they could get their goods on, meaning they're screwed. At this point it looks like all roads to ereaders people will actually buy to pass through Amazon or soon, Apple. Sorry magazine dudes: Give in, give up or get out. [All Things D]

This may be reading a little deep, but the presentation entitled "New Platforms & Business Models for Publishers," argues the need to get into the "portable digital reading device" business, as a publisher, and that there is as-yet no clear winner, though the "key components" of winning do seem to include much of what Amazon is already doing. Though it's not quoted, Thomas says the plan is to launch within three months.

Thomas asked a Time Inc. spokesperson what the deal was, and she replied that they were speaking to "a number of hardware and software companies as well as other content companies about various projects." The memo included notes indicating that the publishers Hearst, Conde Nast and Meredith were part of these discussions.

As Amazon is the dominant player at the moment, it's probably safe to assume they're the wrong gang for publishing overlords to try to make a deal with, if they can go it another way for more money. Content is, after all, king. I'd bet money that iRex and Plastic Logic are in on these conversations as well, being smaller players with good access to reader technology, and less brand baggage than Amazon (and Sony). Both iRex and Plastic Logic have hinted at upcoming announcements, so my guess is that, if the three-month window is correct, Time Inc. will be on board with one of those.

Most unintentionally funny bit: The memo itself seems to be a paper copy, with handwritten notes scrawled in the margins. You guys sure you're ready for portable digital reading devices? [NBC]

So no matter what the time of day, Qlocktwo can spell it out for you by illuminating just the right spots.

But while the design is pleasing, Qlocktwo's price is not. You see, it's a designer product, meaning that you'll need to pay somewhere around $1500 to own on of your own, along with a few hundred bucks should you want to change out the faceplate.

Then again, if Qlocktwo can replace all the other reading you do in your life, it could save you a boatload on print materials. Our reserves from Danielle Steele alone will be staggering. [Qlocktwo via Design Milk via technabob]

Let me get started by comparing my personal experiences to Corliss's: I have used Netflix for more than six years, both in major cities (Brooklyn, San Francisco, Chicago) and small suburbs (the Pennsylvania Main Line). I've also used two of Netflix's competitors, Blockbuster and Canadian Netflix rip-off Zip.ca, not to mention scores of independent and corporate brick-and-mortar video stores. Netflix is the absolute best of the bunch, no question, and Corliss seems to be missing the forest for a bunch of trees that, on close examination, don't even exist.

Corliss complains that his shipping times are interminably long. Rent a movie on Friday, he claims, and it'll be there Tuesday at the earliest! I think he means "latest" rather than "earliest," because in my experience, even out in the 'burbs, shipping takes exactly one day each way. And I'm sorry that the USPS doesn't deliver on Sunday so Corliss could get Moulin Rouge (which, flying in the face of all other respected critics, he loved, because it may be a turd of a movie but it sure is shiny!) a day earlier, but that's really not Netflix's fault. Blockbuster was consistently a day or two longer on each end, and Zip.ca had to fight with Canadapost just to get me a DVD within a month (I exaggerate this last point, technically, but it really was slow as molasses).

His other factually questionable complaint, in which he implies that some large percentage of Netflix's films are only available after a "long" or "very long wait," doesn't square with my experiences either. Those messages are quite rare for me—in my current queue of over 50 very diverse films (old, new, studio, independent, domestic, foreign, television), exactly none are unavailable right now. Corliss also totally ignores the growing catalog of films and shows available for instant streaming, calling it "imminent" instead of, well, available, right now. "You'll be what the online corporate culture wants you to be: a passive, inert receptacle for its products," lectures Corliss, as he writes for a massive online corporate publication. How, exactly, does watching a movie you rented online make you less "passive" or "inert" than if you walked two blocks to your local poorly-stocked Blockbuster? That four-second exchange of money you share with a surly teenage clerk?

But Corliss's most sneering and difficult-to-swallow complaint is that Netflix is emblematic of a move toward a world where we become like Larry David's agent in Wall-E: Fat, lazy, and fed a stream of data on our computer screens, losing touch with our fellow humans. And why wouldn't we want to spend time with our fellow film-loving humans, like those jerks at the "alternative" movie store who look with contempt at us when we rent Caddyshack for the fourth time this year? It's a variation on the complaint we see from those so out of touch with reality they actually believe anybody uses Facebook as a replacement for friendship, or that Twitter is one of the biblical plagues: The world is going to hell, and it's technology's fault.

Really, this article smacks of the same pointless, cheap contention as Slate's insane attack on fireworks this July 4th: Let's take something everybody either likes or is indifferent to, and bash it. Netflix is, in my experience, the best film distribution service ever made. They've got the largest catalog I've ever seen, and that sure as hell includes any brick-and-mortar store; they fund and distribute amazing low-budget fare like the Comedians of Comedy series; their prices are rock-bottom low; and they're quick to adapt to or push new technologies, from Blu-Ray to streaming. They're also still independent; they invented the mail-order setup and they'll almost certainly be major players when streamed video fully takes over from physical media. To announce that Netflix, a homegrown company with fresh and innovative ideas that achieved remarkable success, "stinks" because there's no know-it-all clerk to talk to, is ridiculous.

Nice work, jackass! You were probably doing something totally boring and didn't look at your watch right as that second passed. The rest of us, who were paying close attention, sort of half smiled and though "oh, neat" to ourselves before going back to work.

If you're desperate for that same feeling, there's always 04:05:06 07/08/09 later this afternoon.

Also in this episode, you'll get a look at the technology being used on the show, including an explanation of how their high speed cameras work.

Time Warp—a show that uses high-speed cameras to capture every-day actions in slow motion—airs every Wednesday at 8PM on the Discovery Channel. [Time Warp]
The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

There are so many questions I have just from the cover.

1) What the hell is a Time Banana?

2) What am I doing with a Time Banana?

3) What am I doing on a book?

4) Why am I gesturing for people to go INTO a burning village?

5) Did I take part, or just precipitate the events that lead to the burning of said village?

6) Why is it showing me with a haircut I haven't had since I was eight?

7) Why is the reflection of the town in the water a city?

8) Who is Duncan Richardson and why did he base a book on my life?

9) Why is this the best book description ever?

Mrs B has a secret. And when she says she can't succeed in her dangerous mission without him, Jason agrees to join her for a ride in her Time Banana. They travel back to the 1860s, with the Great Fire of Brisbane looming.

10) Would my book have sold better if I had called it "Jason Chen and the Time Banana"?

I need to get ahold of Duncan Richardson.

[Amazon (Kindle Version) and Amazon Regular]

While the Kindle may be good for magazines and journals—although the lack of color is a major drawback for me—it will be difficult for it to compete with the pleasure of having yourself buried under that five tons of giantastic paper sheets that some people like to call the New York Times. But then again, newspapers and magazines are dying, aren't they?

What do you think? Would you change your Sunday paper for a Kindle? What about your favorite bathroom magazine?

By Diamantini & Domeniconi, the $230 Striped Cuckoo Clock has ditched the typically rustic bark and straw birdhouse design for a more modern approach to avian living. After all, in the age of dyed plastics, there's no need for birds to live in leaky, drab houses. I mean, seriously, just because you're a traditionalist doesn't mean that the entire mechanical bird world needs to suffer. Ass. [Rockett St George via Switched On Set]

Needless to say, this testing requires a lot of bulky equipment that's at least a cubic meter in size.

Now, a team of researchers out of Reno have successfully used a new technique that cuts down on gear. Using lasers (of course), scientists can hold atoms to be observed in place without a vacuum. The system still requires a bit of equipment, but it could pave the way for portable atomic clocks to be used in space laboratories, or just very, very complicated watches from Tokyoflash. [NewScientist and image]

I'm not sure that you could ever catch me wearing a Bluetooth necklace (that statement will come back to haunt me, I'm sure), but my vote would be for the dog tag, the credit card and the RRoD, with the AT&T logo as a close runner up since I'd rather see the design in stainless steel.

But what do you think?

Even if Tokyoflash watches aren't your cup of tea, it's rare that any company gives the public a chance to green light their designs. So have fun ripping 'em a new one in the comments. [TokyoFlash]

Dubbed the Nooka Cuckoo by designer Hannes Grebin, this concept cuckoo watch features a digital, Tamagotchi-esque bird that appears on screen to delineate the time. And indeed, its mixture of an angled roof and rounded bottom seems to merge modern design trends with the iconic bird house clock of yore.

But as long as we're talking concept here, I'd love to see a Lilliputian bird pop out on the hour while expelling a faint "cuckoo" for just you to hear. Plus you could poke people with it and stuff. [Hannes Grebin via Yanko Design]

81 years of it, if you are lucky, stacked by artist Michael Marcovici. [Art Marcovici via Book of Joe]