tragedies - Gizmodo

posts about #tragedies more →
Fear the Pant Zipper

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

infmom
05/20/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
My kids' footed PJs fastened with snaps.
Reply

infmom was starred infmom was unstarred

Mateusz Romek Traczyk
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
Probably the reason why underwear was invented. I suggest looking into buying a pair, as it would prevent these sort of incidents from happening.
Reply

something_unique_and_descriptive
05/19/09

@Mateusz Romek Traczyk: They don't help with road head though... which is why I now wear button fly whenever there is even the remotest of possibilities.
Reply

Fryee
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
I'm pretty much clean shaven down there. I know, I know, to much info. Well, I was visiting my Dad at his place, taking a shower, and triming up the scrotum area. My dads dog snuck into the bathroom (the door sucked) and decided to start barking. I jumped with the razor so hard that the blades actually got stuck. I fell to my knees and saw blood running down the drain. After carefully removing the razor (I was man crying at this point), I turned off the shower and check the damage as best I could. Kind of bad. Had to ask my dad for band aids... and had to explain what the scream was. He laughed and threw a box of them at me and some neosporin. I made sure I was always cool for a couple of days, sweating sucked... burned actually.
Reply

Fryee was starred Fryee was unstarred

Kaiser-Machead
05/19/09

@Fryee: My genitals don't like you, but at the same time, have a great deal of sympathy for you.
Reply

Kaiser-Machead was starred Kaiser-Machead was unstarred

not_a_virus.exe.vbs
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
No crotch ripping stories for me. But at our old apartment we had one of the old fashoined metal grate heaters that came out of the ground, we would put our pants that we just washed and dry them. But you had to go get an ice cube to cool down the zipper part. many times I forgot and burned my scrotum. It looked like someone was trying to make a railroad on my ballsack.
Reply

DigablePlanet
05/19/09

@Life Is Eat And Die:
HAHAHAHA!!! Oh, that's horrible but hilarious. But wait...sounds like you were going commando? I've never gone commando in pants that have a metal zipper. I don't think you're supposed to do that.
Reply

DigablePlanet was starred DigablePlanet was unstarred

not_a_virus.exe.vbs
05/19/09

@DigablePlanet: Dude don't tell me you never went commando as a kid. I thought everyone did that.
Reply

not_a_virus.exe.vbs
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
Why are metal jungle gyms banned? Also button flys make you look like you are wearing mom jeans.

[www.hulu.com]
Reply

OMG! Ponies!
05/19/09

@Life Is Eat And Die: Because kids get hurt and their parents sue.

In NYC, there was a Catch-22 last summer. Way back, as the result of a ton of lawsuits against the City, NYC installed rubber padding at all playgrounds. It's made from ground-up tires. In the summer, it gets hot and parents then complained that the padding was burning the soles of their kids' feet when their kids ran around the playground barefoot.

Most sane people responded "Don't let your kid run around barefoot in NYC unless you want him to get hepatitis." And now there are signs telling parents to not let their kids run around the playground barefoot.

If something fun gets banned, it's usually because a kid got hurt and the parents sued.
Reply

OMG! Ponies! was starred OMG! Ponies! was unstarred

not_a_virus.exe.vbs
05/19/09

@OMG! Ponies!: That's just completely retarded. What happened to watching your damn kids? Is that just NYC or everywhere, because now that you mention it, I can't remember seeing any jungle gyms of late. At most playgrounds there are these metal things covered with plastic, usually red, yellow, green and blue. I need to check one out one day.
Reply

something_unique_and_descriptive
05/19/09

@Life Is Eat And Die: Seems to be pretty much everywhere. Occasionally you'll find an old one in backwater towns but anything new has to be "safe" (read boring).

I think it's just time for us 20 somethings to face facts, childhood as we knew it is dead. Murdered by a bunch of litigious, over-protective, overbearing killjoys.

I'm only 23 but I feel old and crotchety every time I'm around some little kid. They've got their dinky little squirt gun that doesn't even hold a liter or their plastic cone Jarts and it's just so pathetic. I had a f**king CPS 3000, a weapon second only to the hose, which, at full pressure, could be used for hydraulic mining and actually sort of hurt at distances less than five feet... and Lawn Darts, with the proper six inch metal spike on the end.
Reply

GitEmSteveDave_IsNotLarryGaga
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
A man, Kelly Edney, convicted of making bomb hoaxes, engineered an escape plan by INTENTIONALLY entrapping himself in his zipper:

[news.google.com]
Reply

Paul Werner
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
My brother has a more interesting story. When he was a baby just trying to get the hang of the whole standing up peeing thing something went terribly wrong for him. He stood close to the toilet (the real one, not the toddler one) and either bumped it or the fact that it had a seat cover on it & it came unbalanced. After that... THWAP!!!!! Right onto his toddler junk. Whenever I want to get on his nerves or just see his STFU face I remind him of this story.
Reply

Paul Werner was starred Paul Werner was unstarred

EBone
05/19/09

@Paul Werner: That's a bad one, as I can attest to MYSELF.
Reply

EBone was starred EBone was unstarred

LuckyLakey
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
Frank and beans
Reply

LuckyLakey was starred LuckyLakey was unstarred

Lite: hates Illinois Nazis
05/19/09

@LuckyLakey:

Reply

OMG! Ponies!
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
Jack,

Did you get kicked in the head by a mule as a child? What's wrong with you?

I'm guessing you wore velcro shoes until you were 10 and still have to use Fiskars.

(jk - you know I think you're the cat's pyjamas)
Reply

OMG! Ponies! was starred OMG! Ponies! was unstarred

Kaiser-Machead
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
The pros of a button fly: there's no chance of snagging precious dangly bits in a row of interlocking teeth. The cons of a button fly: the mad dash to the men's room, after being caught without proper facilities for a long period of time, is a clumsy dance of practically pulling a Superman shirt tear on your crotch. Quick release is the zipper's advantage, unless a little piece of cloth is stuck under the zip, causing a service delay.
Reply

Kaiser-Machead was starred Kaiser-Machead was unstarred

Nick
05/19/09

@Kaiser-Machead: you know, i was always able to tear down a pair of button fly jeans. for me they are always the quickest comin down, but slowest goin up.
Reply

Nick was starred Nick was unstarred

Kaiser-Machead
05/19/09

@misses his memories_Nick: You need to be careful when tearing down a button fly, especially if you're in a public restroom. Well-made jeans usually do not pop a button, but if you just so happen to be one of those few poor souls, you,ll have an open fly for a while. If you go commando, it's just good practice.
Reply

Kaiser-Machead was starred Kaiser-Machead was unstarred

robot-shmobot
05/19/09

@misses his memories_Nick: A button fly in a pair of slacks will most certainly rip open faster than fumbling with a zipper's pull-tag. So, if in the case of shenanigans, a lady can quickly open your pants.
Reply

robot-shmobot was starred robot-shmobot was unstarred

Kaiser-Machead
05/19/09

@robot-shmobot: I have yet to find any reason to believe that a lady cannot undo any button fly on any pair of pants, ever.
Reply

Kaiser-Machead was starred Kaiser-Machead was unstarred

Ryanraven
05/19/09

@Kaiser-Machead: Also it's so hard to get open when one is drunk as heck and needs to evacuate all the beer fluid
Reply

Ryanraven was starred Ryanraven was unstarred

something_unique_and_descriptive
05/19/09

@Kaiser-Machead: A simple pinch type motion above each button will typically do it without the risk of loosing a button.
Reply

Curves
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
.....cant....stop.....laughing.....
Reply

Curves was starred Curves was unstarred

Hello Mister Walrus
05/19/09

@Curves: Someone who does not have a penis will never appreciate how horrific this is.
Reply

Nick
05/19/09

@Hello Mister Walrus: the only woman who might understand is Chyna, the wrestler.

c'mon amirite?
Reply

Nick was starred Nick was unstarred

Kaiser-Machead
05/19/09

@misses his memories_Nick: There's a very clear image of what you're talking about running through my head. You're an evil genius.
Reply

Kaiser-Machead was starred Kaiser-Machead was unstarred

Nick
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
i use to do the same more frequently with my jacket and my neck.

only did it once with my pants. i, sir, feel your pain and cringed with a face only a man familiar with the pain a cold, teethy ykk zipper can inflict on your no-nos.
Reply

Nick was starred Nick was unstarred

Hello Mister Walrus
05/19/09

In reply to Fear the Pant Zipper
OK true story: A worse version of that happened to my brother when we were kids. The difference was that no one could get the zipper off. My parents had to call the paramedics. There was no blood, strangely. That was an interesting day.
Reply

Notsewfast
05/19/09

@Hello Mister Walrus:

How did you get the beans above the frank?
Reply

Notsewfast was starred Notsewfast was unstarred

omfgitsdon
05/19/09

@Secret Agent Man: he was masturbating!
Reply

omfgitsdon was starred omfgitsdon was unstarred

Hello Mister Walrus
05/19/09

@omfgitsdon - RUN: The teeth make it better!
Reply

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

#tragedies

Gizmodo

Gizmodo Team

SUBSCRIBE TO Gizmodo

Fear the Pant Zipper

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment