Sure it's been the lead story on CNN and a big story on Gawker, but there just wasn't enough DIY mechanics or cellphone-related mayhem for us to pounce on this little gem. As a dad, I don't like seeing shit like this, but knowing there's a happy ending made it a bit easier to view. Oops, did I give too much away? [Gawker]

Hairband balladeers from the roaring '80s will be disappointed to learn that holes in the heart previously only able to be filled by some girl who is already dating some other guy can now be filled by a patch made of stem cells. As for the rest of us, we naturally assumed that if stem cells could give Christopher "Butthole" Reeve real Superman strength and build replica's of Shakey's Pizza, well, of course they can patch heart holes. [PopSci]

By March of next year, many British police officers will be handed a smartphone in order to maintain communication while increasing time in the field. It may work, assuming they block like a million distractions. Frankly, the only reason I wanted to even mention this in Remainders was to remind the world of that stroke of British police genius, Hot Fuzz, through Photoshop. It was that or an image of the gmilfy Prime Suspect herself, Helen Mirren. Did I choose wrong? [BBC via Engadget]

Science produces explanations great and small, and finally got around to one we've been waiting for since Heinrich "Coca" Cola invented the fizzy beverage: Why do we love the carbonation? Everyone used to think it was the exploding carbonation bubbles, but sure enough, it's the carbon dioxide itself—you listening, Al Gore???—that sends a message to open up the sour taste buds, delivering a genuine flavor change. Sure, it's not gadget news, but now, when you head out to the bars, you can order beer in the name of science. [Daily Mail UK]

Epoch will officially unveil this toy sushi train later this month at the Tokyo Toy Show. Doubtfully slated for a US release (most probably because the train's design wasn't meant to accommodate several pounds of cow meat dipped in butter), the train is a replica of Japan's famously fast N700 series Shinkansen. We're assuming that given the model's plastic construction, Epoch's mini Shinkansen delivers sushi at speeds slower than 186MPH.

But as anyone who's played with a cheap toy train around the holidays can attest, plans for your pricey toro could quickly derail mid-transit, adding a bit of carpet lint and dog hair to your typical wasabi and soy sauce mix. Still, you could do worse than eating off the floor. I mean, once you've taken a ride on the sushi train, you can't just go back to the humdrum life of plates. (Trust me. My quest for unique dining experiences dictates that I only accept food delivered via a Dolly Parton impersonator bungee jumping from a hot air balloon. The thought of anything less makes me want to vomit.) [HobbyMedia]

Once again, Japan, why? [Digg]

[VideoRadar via Dark Roasted Blend]

[California High-Speed Rail Authority via Wired]

The main bit of green tech will sound somewhat familiar to car enthusiasts; regenerative braking, which converts braking resistance to electricity, has been a standard feature of hybrid cars for quite a few years now. The 217 mph cruising speed, not so much. For reference, Amtrak only serves about five destinations with its high-speed service, which tops out at 150mph on a good day. For terror, consider that the Metrolink crash that killed over 25 people occurred at no more than 50mph. [Wired]

Obviously, making judgments about whether or not text messaging was behind the crash is a bit premature at this point—but phone records from both the teens and the engineer will go a long way in determining a cause. But one thing is certain—had the proper safety technology been in place, the train would have automatically stopped when it did not respond to the signal. [SFGate Image via LA Times]

Wait, this song is about WHAT?? As for the Electric Bike Train, it's a modular biking system allowing you to ride alone or hook up with friends. By designer Jianq Qian, it's just a concept, but it's also a whole lot more inviting than that Impala. Trust me. [Coroflot via Core77]

Shortly after this episode, unidentified federal agents appeared in the area, escorted by a group of US Marines. Establishing a perimeter around the house, they seized the car and took both Mr. McFarlan and Mrs. Svenson into custody. An official written statement, handed to the press on the scene, pointed out that the Pentagon and all the government agencies are taking all precautions in connection to a potential general uprising of GPS machines all over the country.

According to the same note, earlier this week there were recent reports of other GPS units "malfunctioning" and "giving wrong instructions to wreak havoc in our transport infrastructure." In Bedford Hill, New York, a computer consultant blamed his vehicle's GPS after driving his car into a railway and causing a train to crash at 60mph. News outlets all over the nation are reporting other similar incidents:

In a conference call, Pentagon spokesman Jerry Lopez admitted that these weren't isolated accidents. "We think this may be related to the secret alien invasion currently underway across the planet" Lopez declared. "On the other hand, it may just be a bunch of idiots" he added after a brief pause.

During a short interview with the Chickasha Salty Water Aquariums Bi-monthly, Digg editor and famed sea sponge collector Kevin Rose said that his community-based popularity website has been receiving "numerous articles about these incidents. I don't agree with Mr. Lopez. It's just too coincidental. I think this may be real. You know, like in that episode of Star Trek, where the computer on the Enterprise gets crazy and tries to crash itself against a Romulan ship. LOL! Dude, that shit was crazy," Rose added.

Meanwhile, professional snooker player and freelance legal consultant for Gawker Media Drew Curtis declared: "I never saw that episode of Star Trek. I think Kevin is making it all up." [Yahoo! News and Total Car Crashes]

(Notice: While this should come as obviously fake to 99% of the people out there, for the 1%, yes, this post is fake fake FAKE. F-A-K-E.)

And no, this is not a joke. We're dead serious about our choo choos. Hit the jump for some bonus pictures of something we're a bit too poor/tasteful to have in our own home.

– Mark Wilson

After its successful test run last month, the company vows to make its first trip with paying passengers next April. In addition to its versatility, the vehicle's $150,000 cost is just a seventh of the price of a conventional diesel rail car, and it's easier and cheaper to maintain, too. When these babies hit the road, every street wil be a potential train station. – Charlie White

Dual-mode vehicle a hit in Japan [Sydney Morning Herald, via Jalopnik]

JR Tests Fuel Cell Hybrid Train [via Pink Tentacle]