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The Galactic Empire Has Taken Over Wall Street
It seems that Wall Street is finally an official part of a dark empire. Or at least that's the impression I'm getting from seeing Darth Vader himself ringing the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange earlier. More »Vader Back Buddy Pack Still Not As Lame As Those Three Prequels
Way back in 2006, a young, eager Jason Chen brought the world word of a Yoda Back Buddy that mimicked the training scene from The Empire Strikes Back. Now Darth Vader, ever the envious Sith Lord, wants in on the action too. More »Darth Vader Gets Pregnant, Has a Girl and a Cake
What in the name of all that is sugar frosted and cinnamon-flavored is this cake from hell? Is Darth Vader going to eat your baby? Is the Dark Lord your child's father too? Answer us! More »Bobble Head Vader is So Ashamed of You
Crutch Vader Avoids Jail, Dark Side Wins Again
District Judge Andrew Straw has given Crutch Vader a "suspended 12 months" jail sentence plus an order to pay $500 to the "victims"—twomoronsmembers of the Jedi Church of England—and their lawyer. This means that Sir Lord Vader Von Drunk—real name Arwel Wynn Hughes—will avoid jail. Quite frankly, after seeing the video of his innocuous attack, I can't believe the judge actually considered putting this guy in jail. [BBC News]Darth Vader Given Arrest Warrant, Pleads Guilty to Assault
After Darth Vader kicked a Jedi Master's ass with the Dark Side of the Crutch, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant against the Lord of the Sith. After dictating it, he added: "I hope the force will soon be with him" (really—God save the Judge, Queen, and English humor.) Vader arrived later, pleading guilty to assault. During the trial, however, the court found that the events weren't exactly as we were initially told: the Jedis were actually even more moronic than previously imagined. More »Darth Vader Kicks Jedi Master's Ass With Crutch
A drunk guy dressed as Darth Vader, wielding a metal crutch, and probably making sounds like *swwoooshh* and *pew*pew*, assaulted and effectively kicked the ass of the founder of the first Jedi Church of England. The dork, a hairdresser called Barney Jones whose Jedi name is Master Hehol, was beaten down in his garden by the anonymous Vader while he was being interviewed for a documentary. Really. We mean this. The Jedi actually had this to say after the assault: More »Darth Vader Adidas Have Design That Only a Mother Could Love