Wonder if that long awkward silence is because everyone's trying to think of a non-obvious joke about this whole thing. [Thanks, OMG! Ponies!]

Kind of demeaning for the ol' baddie, no? I mean, turning one of the most celebrated villains in cinema history into some kind of $40 gimpy clinger-on... I mean, it's almost like an out-of-touch filmmaker taking a storied franchise, reshooting key scenes with poorly planned updates and cut footage from 1977, and then selling the resulting schlock back to us as if it were the second coming. I mean, if that actually happened. Did it?

But back on task. If this were an Anakin Skywalker Back Buddy, and it resembled Hayden Christensen, I might not be so critical. It'd be more fitting, is what I'm trying to say.

This Darth is available for pre-order and ships in August. [Star Wars Shop via OhGizmo]

Apparently, it's just a way to welcome a newborn girl into this world. Because nothing says "Have a wonderful life" better than a pastel-colored galaxy with the Dark Lord of the Sith kidnapping your baby. I would give it a 0.75 on the Jesus Switch Scale of wrongmodoness. [Cake Wrecks via Star Wars Blog]

To start with, dork n mero uno—hairdresser Barney Jones—wasn't being interviewed for a documentary on the first Jedi Church of England. He was filming himself, "fighting" with "lightsabers" in the garden, probably while being watched by Yoda, Mace Windu, Obi Wan, and the rest of their imaginary pals, who actually were the only ones with actual girlfriends in the backyard at the time.

Vader, whose real name is not Anakin Skywalker but Arwel Wynne Hughes, pleaded guilty, saying in his defense that he had a "chronic alcohol problem" and he didn't remember anything at all. According to the two Joneses, however, Hughes jumped in the gardent shouting "DARTH VADER," wielding a metal crutch, wearing a helmet, a black bin bag, a cape, and with a lot of wine in his stomach. Laughing—presumably hysterically, like anyone would do after consuming "the best part of a 10-litre box of wine"—he proceeded to bang Barney Jones on the head, before smacking the thigh of family nerd cousin, Michael Jones.

With almost a box of wine in his body, Vader didn't remember a single thing, but his defense attorney said alcohol was "ruining his life." On the other side, the prosecution added that the two cousins "believe very strongly in the church and their religion."

We can only hope the judge will set Vader free and put those two in jail. [BBC News]

NEVER GETS OLD. I say.

This wasn't a joke. This was serious.

No, crimper Master Hehol, this is not serious. This is just sad. Reportedly, the drunk Vader was neither a Gizmodo editor nor Eddie Izzard:

Again you ask? YES! [Daily Telegraph]

Note: for some reason, I first read wrench and did this image:

And then I got hungry, and had to do this one:

Nice insoles, though. If I were Darth and whichever poor sod I'd chosen to make my shoes came up with spangly shoe linings like these, I'd promote him to be Chief Thigh Stroker, run the Vader Disco, or ice my fairy cakes. [Footurama via i4U]

A free FX Lightsaber, according to the site. It looks like you'll get your money's worth, as the outfit is fashioned with cast iron, injection-molded pieces, ebony twill, real and faux leather, and even LEDs. Both standard and extra large sizes are available. This is really about as close as it gets to really being Vader. The only thing that's missing is a built-in stereo playing the Imperial March. [CB Swords via Luxury Launches]