Each pair of Rooster Booster swim trunks features a pocket and foam padding to "lift and separate" (so to speak). That means fat and hairy beachgoers no longer have to worry about shrinkage after a dip in the pool or ocean. Although, if they had any shame in the first place they would shave their back, put on a shirt and a pair of decent shorts. The Rooster Booster will be available soon from the aptly and hilariously titled Mr. BusyBalls. [Mr. BusyBalls via Gizmag]

The creepy SLR guy always carries a camera—often two or more—and uses amatuer cosplayers and paid models alike as some part of a bizarre mating ritual involving using a zoom lens (his not so indiscreet phallus) from three feet away.

So from now on, every time you browse some shady forum looking at a girl dressed up as a Final Fantasy character while showing a tad too much cleavage, know that this is how it really happened. Her legs aren't glistening in the light; they're covered in second hand sweat and geek pheromones. And a single hot shower can't undo that viscous coating. Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

A special thanks to Erica Ho for trudging through some truly nasty waters to acquire these shots.

But it's okay—Gizmodo and Fleshbot are here for you, with a list of sexy gadgets sure to please each and every geek girl (and boy) out there. Cause remember: nothing says, "I love you" quite like a gadget (especially one that gives orgasms).

For the Apple fanatic: Lelo Gigi: True, Lelo's Stockholm headquarters are about 5390 miles from Cupertino, but from the looks of the Gigi, you'd never know it. With its sleek white handle and pretty colored shaft, it could easily pass for Steve Jobs's long lost offspring. It even has a click wheel!

For the phone lover: BodiTalk Escort: The iPhone app store may have cracked down on "adult" apps—but that doesn't mean you can't use your phone to get your rocks off. The BodiTalk Escort kicks into gear whenever a nearby cell phone is in use. Finally, you'll be able to live out those dreams of an iPhone menage a trois.

For the girl with too many cables: Lelo Mia: With all the chargers and cables in our lives, the last thing anyone needs is yet another gift with yet another easily lost power cord—which makes the USB-powered Mia so very, very refreshing. This little lipstick vibe needs nothing more than a computer to get its charge back—and with its discreet appearance, you should have no trouble charging it anywhere you go. (Just, uh, remember to wash it after using it.)

For the couple that geeks together: WeVibe: Valentine's Day isn't just about presents, presents, and more presents—it's about celebrating the deeply felt love that you and your partner share. And what better way to celebrate that love than with a gadget you can use together? The WeVibe is a flexible, C-shaped, silicone vibe that's worn by the lady during the sex, made to add a little extra bump to your bump and grind.

For the boys: Bo and Real Touch (see it in action here>: Sexy gadgets aren't just for girls—after years of giving all the good sex tech to the ladies, companies are finally starting to take notice of the other half of the population. We've got two good picks for boys. First up is thethe Bo, a cock gentleman's ring that—with its sleek silicone body and rechargeable motor—leaves those gummy rings with bullet vibes trailing in the dust. Secondly, there's the Real Touch, a robotic vagina that syncs with your favorite porn clips. It won't actually be on sale until later this month—but this is one IOU you can probably get away with.

For the porn loving lovers: FyreTV: If your idea of a romantic evening is watching other people getting it on, than look no further than FyreTV this Valentine's season. The discreet, Wi-Fi enabled box provides streams porn directly to your bedroom. And since their database of adult entertainment is constantly being updated, its definitely a gift that keeps on giving.

For the girl who has every (sex) gadget: Sasi: A few years ago, it seemed as though vibrator tech had pretty much reached its peak. Sure, you could make the batteries last longer, or switch up the pulse patterns, or find a funny new animal to stick on your toy—but for the most part, vibrator functionality was pretty much set. Vibrators were pieces of plastic that went inside the vagina or on top of the clitoris and vibrated. Maybe they twirled around a little, or had rotating pearls, but that was about the extent of their moving. Until the SaSi. With a revolutionary new method of stimulation, and programmable patterns, it's the best thing to happen to vibrators since, well, the birth of the vibrator.

When money is no object: Lelo Inez: We used to think that JimmyJane's $3250 Little Platinum Eternity was the height of luxury vibes—but that was before Lelo came out with Inez. The latest addition to the Lelo Luxe line, Inez will run you anywhere from $7900 (for stainless steel) to $10,500 (for gold plate). Money may not be able to buy you love—but giving someone a $10.5k vibrator will probably get you pretty far anyway.

Lux Alptraum is the editor of Fleshbot, the web's foremost blog about sex, porn, and the web, and founding editor of Boinkology, a blog about sex and culture. She's spoken to numerous audiences about healthy sexuality, sex culture, and the state of porn today, appearing at NYU, Columbia University, the Museum of Sex, SXSW, and Gelf Magazine's Non-Motivational Speaker Series. Her writing has appeared in Time Out New York, Zink! Magazine, Best Sex Writing 2008, and GOOD Magazine.

Whether it's some sort of glowing undergarment or just a good old fashioned "I put no thought into your personality or the nature of our relationship" red/pink Nano, the word of the day is "restraint." Gizmodo's unsolicited advice: go classic on Valentine's Day. And no, you don't actually need to put thought into it, just a bit of money and an equal amount of taste.

And as with any holiday gift, avoid the words "fiber optic" like the plague.

Product Page [Sybarites]

These panties have cute HTTP status messages on them, sporting "411 Length Required", "413 REquested Entity Too Large", "403 Forbidden", and "200 OK". As long as your lover's wearing the right set, you can always gauge her interest by just peeking in her pants. You know, cause verbal communication is so 2006. – Jason Chen

Product Page [Think Geek via Gearlog]

The numbers rise in coldness from 0 to 80, which gives you a good sense of exactly how much room you have to flop around with just a quick glance. – Jason Chen

Product Page [ExperimentaDesign via Uber Review]

Samsung's SGH-A707 SYNC slips into a red shell [infoSync World]

Yes, I know it seems like a video game kit may be the perfect Valentine's Day gift for your lady, but guys, I'm here to tell ya that unless she's really, REALLY cool, you may want to skip the Dream Arcades limited edition Pink or Red-themed Arcade Kits with pink or red ball-top joysticks and t-molding. Though the "gift of game" is being marketed as the perfect way to please her this February 14, maybe the limited-edition Valentine's Day version of the head-to-head and side-by-side arcade kits isn't really worth the $1049. In fact, I can assure you that two nights at the Four Seasons will make you a much happier man than a few hours of Ms. Pac Man—unless she's a Real Doll and/or is really into pies with pink bows. The Arcade kits are compatible with PC, Xbox and PlayStation 2 and upgrade control panels can be added to the kits for $169. That's just in case you don't take my advice.

Dream Arcades offers special themed arcades for Valentines Day [Dream Arcades]