I discovered some technology developed by NASA that has never been applied to the sex toy industry. So we've got a new technological platform we're going to be rolling out over the next two years.

What this technology may be, we don't know. The only thing we know is that Bruce and Melody Murison, the creators of We-Vibe, were laid off from telecommunications company Nortel because of the current economic crisis. That event made them go into developing and manufacturing this silicon-based We-Vibe, "an electromechanical device (...) which plots the x-y charts of power versus performance, versus the third dimension of the human dynamic: What frequencies do women like?" Sounds... exciting? Scary? Whatever. We want one. [CBC]

The Price: $10

The Verdict: So apparently these things are supposed to help relax your eyes after hours of staring at a computer. As a blogger, I'm always looking for things to keep my eyesight from getting worse... but the benefits of this product seem a little dubious. After wearing it for a couple of seconds, my face started to go numb and I could feel my contacts drying out. I'm still trying to blink moisture back into them.

These feelers stimulate the pressure points around your eyes. The Chinese are really big on acupressure. I love acupressure too, but this machine feels less health massage and more sensual massage, if you get my drift. Especially since you can set it to cycle through three modes – continuous vibration, slow pulse vibration and fast pulse vibration. Hmmmm.

Oh, and the back brace. My parents insisted I get one to remind myself to sit up straight while I'm working. It kind of works... mostly because every time I start to slouch, it cuts off my circulation and I get light headed. Better posture through oxygen deprivation FTW! [Babaka's site. Chinese only.]

Philips labels them "relationship care" gizmos, which kind of deflects attention away from the gadget details: multiple vibration modes (up to 120Hz) and intensities, a wireless charger base/storage case which avoids the need for battery replacements, they make a "soft purring sound," and are ergonomically designed. Silliness aside, it looks like Philips has really thought about these things, and priced them accordingly: the Warm Intimate Massager is around $140 in the UK, while Dual Massagers (his and hers) are $160 as is the unisex version.

Philips' carefully-worded press release below.

London, United Kingdom – Royal Philips Electronics (NYSE:PHG, AEX:PHI) today announced the launch of a new category of ‘Relationship Care’ with the introduction in the UK of a range of products designed to enhance couples’ sexual well-being. These products will specifically target a new and previously unaddressed market of consumers in the 35-55 year age group who are open to using intimate accessories. Philips will sell its ‘Intimate Massager’ range in the UK through selected high street retailers i.e. Boots, Selfridges of London and www.Amazon.co.uk.

“Today’s product launch is exciting as Philips enters this new market with a unique offering for consumers’ personal well-being,” says Sheila Struyck, Head of Market-driven Innovation and Category Leader for Relationship Care within Philips’ Consumer Lifestyle sector. “This is an attractive market opportunity that Philips is in a unique position to pursue. We have the expertise in health and well-being, a strong track record in product design, a deep knowledge of consumer marketing, as well as a brand shown to lend credibility and appeal to this product category by addressing our target market in an accessible way.”

The category is being launched following extensive market research. In the UK, research showed that 35% of adults would consider using an intimate accessory with their partner if it were designed for couples rather than being meant for individual use. Furthermore, studies showed these adults would be more likely to try such products if they could buy them through more accessible and – what consumers perceive to be – less embarrassing retail channels.

The first product launch from the Relationship Care category is a range of ‘Intimate Massagers’. These have been designed to be tasteful and stylish in their look and feel, creating an appealing product for consumers that can be sold by mainstream retailers. Philips’ Intimate Massagers are also the first non-penetrative stimulators designed for partners to use together.

In commenting on the launch of Philips’ new range of Intimate Massagers, Simon McCandlish, Commercial Director for Healthcare from Boots said: “People come to Boots because they trust us to provide excellent healthcare products and advice. We believe that a healthier love life can improve overall health and well-being – and our customers have told us that they would like to buy these products from us. Both Boots and Philips are brands that stand for quality, reliability and trust. Our joint objectives are to provide High Street access to a range of products designed to enhance the love lives of UK consumers.”

Following the UK launch, Philips expects to introduce its range of Intimate Massagers in other European markets in 2009.

The launch of this new category reinforces Philips’ strategy as a health and well-being company to build market leadership positions in high-growth, high-margin businesses. For 2008, Philips estimates the value of the market for Relationship Care – a new and previously unaddressed market - to be approximately EUR 70 million for the UK and approximately EUR 280 million for Western Europe, with growth rates between 5% and 15%.

Philips’ new Relationship Care product category will form part of Philips’ Health & Wellness business unit within the company’s Consumer Lifestyle sector.

Ponies reminds us that we've seen this somewhere before.

What disappointed her was the removal of the iPod-like touch controls, but the ability to vibe one out with something you have in your purse really makes up for it. That's one thing guys would gladly give up the ability to stand up and pee for: wanking one out at work without having your coworkers come in and ask about the spooky ghost. [Fleshbot]

"Since the iPhone has the same music storage and playback capabilities as the iPod, we knew we had to make sure that all of our products functioned with the iPhone, too," said OhMiBod founder Suki. "When the iPhone is attached to your OhMiBod and you receive a call, OhMiBod will vibrate to the caller's voice, a feature that will truly revolutionize phone sex!"

In addition to the iPhone OhMiBod, there's also going to be smaller "nano" versions, which will retail for $69 and be available in pink, black, green and blue to match the new nanos. Look for hands on of this at AVN by either myself or Frucci (or myself on Frucci). [AVN via Fleshbot]

• The Danger Bomb Alarm Clock. This clock is sure to wake you up for the event, because it makes an exploding noise until you figure out how to turn it off. Sure, we could've gone with the Orgasmo, which makes the sound of a female orgasm, but that would probably just put us back in dream land. Besides, the Danger Bomb will serve as a good reminder of your own impending sensory explosion.

Now for the guys, here are some suggestions to get you going:

• A sex doll. For all those do-it-yourselfers (haha! get it?) with time on your hands, build a companion to cuddle with tonight. Make sure to hide it when company is around.

• The Blowjob Machine. If you don't have time to build but still crave the feeling of a robot lover, go with this gadget out of Japan. This thing looks more "vacuum cleaner" than "erotic," so be careful.

• The Rubbot. More mechanical goodness, the Rubbot is the most discreet male sex toy of the bunch. Too bad it's still in beta, because judging by the job it did on that beer bottle you wouldn't have any problem making it to the finish line in time.

• 1-900-Nerd-Girl. So you just can't seem to get *there* without a little dirty talk? How about a little nerdy talk instead? Hearing these ladies talk Star Wars and D&D will have your lightsaber up in no time.

• Condom applicator. If you'll be sharing in the global orgasm with that special someone, you're going to want one of these. Over-population is a major factor in world unrest, so don't make the problem any worse.

Ladies, don't think we forgot about you! We at Giz have heard know that the female orgasm is not a myth, and we couldn't leave you out of the festivites, so for you we present:

• A Vibrator. We have so many to choose from, but we decided to go with Inch Perfect, because it's huge, it precise, and you need to get the job done quickly.

• The Call Me Panties. Stick your cellphone in the Call Me Panties front pocket, put it on vibrate and set your alarm. That way, you'll be on your way to saving the world without leaving your bed.

• Nintendo Wii. How will a Wii help you reach orgasm, you ask? Just ask this woman, she seems to have it down.

And finally, for everyone:

• Open Mouth Ashtray. Phew, after all that hard work, you're probably going to want a cigarette. Nothing says "I just participated in a Global Orgasm" quite like this ashtray.

That should be enough to get you started on your journey to heal the world. With less than 12 hours until the big moment, you better start making plans. I know what I'll be doing at 1:08 AM EST; Hell, I probably would have been doing it anyway. [Global Orgasm, World Clock for 6:08 GMT]

You know who else was an Octopussy? That Roger Moore. [product via shinyshiny]

If you need to be led around, there's a wizard that shows you how to use that handy vibrator on other parts of your body, such as your arms, chest and back. Its cheap $2.95 price makes it even more tempting. [Shape Services]

There's precious little information here, but we're guessing the scroll wheel adjusts the intensity of the vibrations. But can we plug it into a USB port? [Kanojotoys]

• Bigger start/stop button
• Variable speeds and intensity
• Pulsing action
• Video playback while vibrating
• Music playback while vibrating
• A laser show.

Grab yours now using App Tapp installer.app. Weee! Just remember that cleanliness is #1. [Thanks Pash]

The device comes in two parts; an egg that you put where the sun doesn't shine, and a fob which you put on your key ring. The fob has a button that can switch between 10 different settings, all of which hopefully have the same final outcome. The only thing I don't understand is how the egg can detect the fob's signals. [LoveHoney]