It works easily: Just take a photo, apply a censorship patch out of a total of four kinds, and save. I like the silk patch, which apparently lets you send photos with a censorship you can see through. Unfortunately, I have no use for this application. I still sext in the old school way: Using text messages.

F:)Cd==I

See? Me so horny. [Safe Sexting]

That's what Dana Hanna—the guy in the video aka "theSoftwareJedi" aka "Ican'tbelieveit'sbutterandI'mgettingmarried"—did, without his bride knowing anything about it. The worse thing: The wife asked for her cellphone to update hers. Maybe she tweeted "Sigh. This is not going to last long."

It's like the world has transformed into a huge sitcom. One produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, directed by McG, and written by two thousand monkeys. Oh well, my best wishes go for the couple. I hope you guys don't divorce too soon. [Techcrunch]

P.S. I don't care that you are a rich Australian business man in the gold mining industry. I don't care that you are so rich that paying $3,164,000 for this ridiculous piece of gold and diamond tackiness probably doesn't even register in your bank account. And I don't care that this garish brick is made with 271 grams of 22k gold, 136 flawless color F diamonds for the bezel, 53 diamonds for the logo, and one 7.1 carat diamond as the navigation button. This ostentatious piece of shiny crap that should have never happened. I'm not even taking into consideration that we are in the middle of a worldwide economic crisis, with millions suffering around the world. It's just that it sucks golden donkey balls, no matter how you look at it.

And you are still a tasteless assclown. [Stuart Hughes via Like Cool]

I don't know if they are going to sell a lot of these 0.2-inch thin, 0.7-ounce 2GB MP3 players—which come with a built-in speaker and headphones—but after watching the video, my faith in Humanity has dropped from negative to imaginary numbers. [Strapya via Crunchgear]

The tale behind the auction is that somehow, out of the 100,000 condoms distributed during the Olympics, one guy managed to get 5,000. I guess at some point it sunk in that if he hasn't used a single one by now, he never will. But hey, his loss could be your pile of probably expired condoms. Let's call it the non-gadget deal of the day. [Sports Rubbish]

So far Lynsee has blogged every detail of her pregnancy for mommy blog, Moms Like Me, but now she's taken them up on an offer to live stream the labor and childbirth for all of the Internet to see. There are promises that it'll be "tasteful" and that only already registered users of the blog will be able to make comments on the live stream, but I'm a bit weary of the entire event.

Don't misunderstand, I'm not prudish about seeing some girl parts, nor am I squeamish about watching a live birth, but I do wonder how the Internet community will react. [Boston via Switched]

Look at that detail! This is so gross, yet so damn cool. If I ever get married again, I would only do it to get a frikkin' freakierer cake than this. Like, instead of a tauntaun, it would be a giant hairless albino monkey with Ringo Starr's face, and... and his guts would be snakes with the faces of Yoko Ono and Margaret Thatcher and Sarah Palin and Madonna, and instead of Luke it would be David Bowie wearing Princess Leia's metal bikini.

There. I grossed myself out. [Star Wars Blog]

Click on the image for a closer look at the ad.

I'm ashamed to even be in the same country as this guy. Geezus freakin' Christ. [Some Country For Old Men]

I just saw a selection of 30 dumb inventions in Life, and I couldn't resist picking my favorite ten. These things are so damn stupid they became obsolete before even becoming real products. It was hard to choose. After all, how could I leave out scientology nutcase L. Ron Hubbard and his Hubbard Electrometer, which in 1968 made him reach the conclusion that tomatoes "scream when sliced"?

See? Really hard.

Then I thought that these all looked weirdly familiar. I searched in Gizmodo, and instantly found their modern counterparts. Some of them make sense now, with current technology. Others, as you will see in the gallery, seem equally goofy. All of them, however, we can live without. Enjoy:

Clearly, humans are the only animals that trip twice over the same stone.

Some people paint a Star Wars version of the last supper using frames from the movie. Other really sick people do a clownish version, including every iconic clown from all the Jokers to Krusty to Ronald to It to Homey... this thing has them all except El Payaso—aka Conficker.

I warned you. [Dark Vomit via Superpunch via Gearfuse]

Agent Adams asked Chandler if he owned any other storage devices. Chandler hesitated before answering, and then asked, "Hypothetically, what would you do if you found child pornography?" Agent Adams told him he wasn't sure until he had all the facts. Chandler then asked, "Would you file new charges?" Agent Adams replied, "If it makes you feel better Sam, I've never filed new child porn charges."

Chandler said, "Okay, there's an external hard drive downstairs."

[Wired Threat Level]

As much as I'm sure that some people will find penises quite decorative, I think I'll definitely pick the second one. [Rock and Royal via Mysexprofessor]

A bunch of students at a Brisbane high school filmed a dirty porno in a high school bathroom the last time news of the Large Hadron Collider was hot. Yeah, that video was literally dirty. Remember high school bathrooms?

Basically the guy convinced his sweet, innocent, and oh-so-stupid girlfriend that it was her last chance to lose her virginity as his buddy played hidden camera man, producer, and distributor. The camera phone recorded, underage sex act made its way through the community and could potentially result in child pornography production charges, although news.com.au claims it unlikely due to the age of all the participants.

No word on whether the sweet talker managed to hang on to the girl by convincing her that a miracle spared the world until November. [news.com.au]

Somewhere between kidnapping Jaycee Dugard, keeping her as a sex slave, forcing her to bear several of his children, and proclaiming that this process cured him of his pedophelia, Garrido blogged under the name of THEMANWHOSPOKEWITHHISMIND. The least sick and most coherent of his writings explains that he desperately wants to patent a new gadget:

This document is to affirm that I Phillip Garrido have clearly demonstrated the ability to control sound with my mind and have developed a device for others to witness this phenomena. by using a sound generator to provide the sound, and a headphone amplification system, (a device to focus your hearing so as to increase the sensitivity of what one is listening to) I have produced a set of voices by effectively controlling the sound to pronounce words through my own mental powers.

Sure, the gadget sounds like something straight out of a nice sci-fi read and something we'd love to play around with, but it's straight from the hallucinations of a man with issues that I can't stomach listing.

BoingBoing's Xeni Jardin ends her write up about Garrido with the words "May he rot in hell" and I don't think any of us will disagree with the sentiment. Hell, one of our own editors expressed his feelings a bit more visually. [BoingBoing]

[Microsoft and Microsoft Poland via Engadget]

After his girlfriend dumped him, Joseph W. Shepherd of Lockport, NY decided to go onto some British forums and whine that he was going to kill himself. The power of the internet kicked in as some concerned readers contacted Interpol London, Interpol London contacted Interpol DC, Interpol DC contacted the New York State Police Intelligence Center (NYSIC) in Albany, and they in turn sent some local authorities to Shepherd's door:

Troopers interviewed Shepherd who was found in good health and obviously not deceased nor injured in any way. Further investigation revealed that the entire suicide on camera was a hoax.

Further investigation was required that the suicide was faked? The fact that Shepherd was alive wasn't enough of a tip-off?

In the end, he was charged with Second Degree Aggravated Harassment and Third Degree Falsely Reporting an Incident. No explanation on why he's the one getting charged for the false incident report.

No matter what, I'm happy that at least this bit of WTF news didn't come from Florida. [WKBW]

Photo by rafael_mizrahi