Gizmodo: Zombies

10 Scary Zombie Killing Weapons

Sean Fallon — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 16:00:00 EDT

I've been seeing the trailer for the upcoming [REC] remake zombie flick Quarantine quite a bit recently and, naturally, it has got me thinking about zombie killing. The basic must-have weapons have always been a shotgun, pistol, chainsaw, baseball bat and a crowbar—but if you want to go the extra mile when preparing for Armageddon, the following weapons and tools will let the undead horde know that you really mean business.

Quarantine Trailer:

Zombie Garden Sculpture Keeps Those Damn Kids Off Your Lawn, Might Eat Their Brains

Jack Loftus — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:00:00 EDT

Design Toscano wants you to "expect the extraordinary from your home and garden," and that includes the walking dead. Take this 13-lb. resin undead garden zombie, for example. Designed by British artist Alan Dickinson, it's a life-sized resin sculpture that would be a terrifying addition to any lawn, garden or personal graveyard.

For about $90, Toscano will ship this guy to you in three macabre pieces. When assembled, they'll cover a 31½"x19½"x8" stretch of earth. That is, until the day he and his buddies claw their way completely to the surface, eat our brains, and take over the planet. Then they'll be everywhere, doing their zombie gardening with a silent stoicism, and you'll be the garden gnome. [Design Toscano via Boing Boing Gadgets]

Gizmondo to Rise From The Dead In Winter 2008, Founder Says

Elaine Chow — Sat, 10 May 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Not only is Gizmondo coming back, Carl Freer says you can expect to see a new version of the handheld console by the end of the year—this time without the whole defrauding investors and crashing Ferraris schtick, supposedly.

In an interview in the Gizmondo forums, Freer claimed that, "There is still incredible value in the Gizmondo. And with the enhancements we're adding... we feel it's only the beginning of where we can go with the product."

Gizmondo version 2.0 will include a new graphics chip, Windows CE 6.0 (which comes with "a lot of 'new' goodies," Freer says), and a bunch of original content to be downloaded off the gizmondo.com website. It'll be ready by Winter 2008, and the developer community can expect more announcements soon.

Left unanswered by the interview was why Freer thinks anybody is going to trust him with anything a second time around. Maybe he hasn't heard the adage: "Fool me once, your CEO gets sent to jail for three years and your company gets liquidated. Fool me twice... well, you ain't ever gonna fool me twice." [Gizmondo Forum]

CompUSA: It Lives!

Brian Lam — Mon, 05 May 2008 21:36:52 EDT

After it died, CompUSA was bought by Tigerdirect, and here are some of the first pictures of the freshly awakened PC retailer. Even better, the zombified store is reported by reader Martin B. to be better than its pre-undead version:

It's a much better store than it used to be, full of components, motherboards, and lots of actually _helpful_ people who know computers.

Zombie Survival Kit For Sale Now - Be Prepared

Jason Chen — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 21:30:28 EDT

Being caught unprepared during a zombie attack is tantamount to jumping into a lion cage with big pieces of ham strapped to your neck. Be prepared. And part of being prepared is having the right equipment, which is why you should invest in these Zombie Survival Kits now for sale on eBay. You'll never know when you need it. Well, you will know when you need it—when the mofuckin' zombies come. [eBay]

Crawling Zombie Vigorously Drags His Legless Carcass Into Your Heart

Charlie White — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 08:15:51 EDT

If you're one of the hordes of the zombie-obsessed, you're going to love The Crawling Zombie, a legless, lifeless and red-eyed oaf that chases you across the table as he cries out such pithy sayings as "Hey, slow down, would ya? I can only crawl so fast!" and "I can't feel my legs," and even more wisecracks. Jump to the next page for a video of this undulating undead ogre in action.

Hey, that sucker can crawl really fast. As undead as he is, he still requires three AA batteries. Activated by any noises, he's certain to scare unsuspecting passersby. That might be a thrill that makes him (it?) well worth his rather steep $38.90 purchase price. [Otherland, via 7 Gadgets]

FBI to Fight Zombie Hordes, BBC Says

Addy Dugdale — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 04:39:05 EDT

For some reason, when I read "FBI Tries to Fight Zombie Hordes" this morning I really got excited. The idea of an FBI squad hunting smelly, vicious and utterly stupid brain-dead slobs has a certain charm. Sadly, they are not looking for your dorm roommate or my ex-mother-in-law, but for something completely different.

They are just calling a million people with PCs that may have been hijacked by the badies to do evil stuff. Woo-wee. I mean, great. I am sick of spam, but it's going to take a lot more than that to kill the damn bastards. At least this is a good excuse for some great zombies and vampire videos.

A bit from British horror comedy Shaun of the Dead. If you don't have it, get it.

And yes, at last, it's Friday. – Jesus Diaz

Update: here's one who Jason just sent to me. Video guide to survive zombie attacks, by the Shaun of the Dead people. Someone send this to the FBI.

FBI tries to fight zombie hordes [BBC News]

Zombies Mob SF Apple Store, Forget IDs at Home, Pay Cash Instead

Jason Chen — Sat, 26 May 2007 17:40:24 EDT

The Zombie flash mob group—yes, they're exactly how they sound—over at eatbrains.com organized and pulled off an SF Apple Store invasion yesterday. Brain- and flesh-eating Zombies filed into the Apple store and feasted on white plastic along with their usual blood and guts, which probably helped their digestion a little thanks to Apple's recent efforts to go green. Worst pun of the year? Probably.

In any case, if you're at all interested in seeing hippies and yuppies dressed up as zombies, you know where to look. – Jason Chen

Gallery [McCullagh via CNET]

Russian Coffin Buries You with Panic Button

Louis Ramirez — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 10:06:40 EST

Ever since we saw The Serpent and the Rainbow as a little kid, we've had this unnatural fear of being buried alive. Well, a Russian inventor by the name of Vitaly Malyukov must have watched the same movie cause he's designed a casket with a built-in panic button that lets you contact the living in case your quack of a doctor accidentally pronounced you dead. Pushing the panic button (which glows in the dark) alerts the cemetery caretaker who can then dig you back up (after they return from their lunch break, of course). So in the end you'll wind up dead one way or another. No word on pricing or availability. – Louis Ramirez

Alarm Coffin [via Sci Fi Tech via New Launches]

Corpse Solar Light: Green In More Ways Than One

Mark Wilson — Sun, 29 Oct 2006 09:51:04 EST

While we've already posted an extensive Halloween Roundup, it has come to my attention that there is one necessary addendum: the Corpse Solar Light. The zombie is 17 inches of the most gruesome plastic you've ever seen. He holds a solar powered lantern in one hand...where is his other...maybe BEHIND YOU! Whoa. It's ok. Just relax. I didn't mean to actually scare you.

We're glad to see that even zombies are beginning to see the benefits of green technologies. $89 and you can still rush deliver for Halloween fun. Oh, and that Mike Tyson tattoo on his face is just the watermark. – Mark Wilson Thanks Michelle!

Product Page [via AmericanInventorSpot]

The Zombie Preparedness Kit

Jason Chen — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 21:00:11 EDT

Sold exclusively at the Willamette Parkview Mall. – Jason Chen

Gizombo: Keeping Readers Living

Joel — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 23:13:54 EST

No one knows why we have been so suddenly thrust into a world knit from nightmare, but as your grandmother's dentures lodged bicuspid-deep in your Louisville Slugger testifies: the zombie apocalypse is upon us.

It's uncertain why Z-Day stuck on that fateful day in late March. Some blame the Venusian orbiter that reentered our atmosphere, metal and glass sopping with fell atomic resonance; Some point half-chewed knuckles at the chemicals and elements leached into our landfills after decades of poorly-disposed-of consumer electronics waste.

Others speak of a sorcerous lunatic cabal, enslaving the population with white stela in pocket-sized effigy, inscribed with the runic twin annuli emblematic of their music-woven moon cult. First those under their sway thought different; then they were different.

Whatever the reason, we are faced with the same problem humanity has always faced, honed to a razor's edge: survival. That's why Gizombo will continue to provide the latest updates on gadgetry that will keep you and your still-living loved ones alive—at least until the dozens of oozing commuters begin to clog the tracks on which our never-halting subway command center rides, sending us sparking to our final resting place inside a cold and bloody iron womb with only a single shotgun shell for comfort.

Zombie Survival Guide

Charlie White — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 13:30:36 EST

For those just scrambling to catch up on what a zombie is and how to survive this apocalypse, be sure to grab your Zombie Survival Guide before it's too late. This complete handbook for protecting yourself from the living dead contains all the valuable information you'll need, from the best weapons to how the infection spreads.

Remember, long-range weapons good, stealth weapons bad.

Zombie Survival Guide [Amazon]

Winchester XXX-Magnum Zombie-Killing Shotgun Shells Flying Off Shelves

Charlie White — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 13:09:29 EST

As the rest of the world begins to awaken to the hordes of undead walking the streets, sales of 12-gauge shotgun shells have become a high-demand commodity. Milk and bread sales have slumped as terror-stricken citizens clamor for 1300fps ammo to destroy the brain-stems of our new zombie overlords.

While some manufacturers are scrambling for silver plated ammunition (which, by the way, only works on werewolves) Winchester has just released XXX-Magnum line with built in RFID technology so zombie hunters around the world can keep track of their kills without spending valuable time to write it down.

Product page [Winchester Ammunition]

Bathy's Hawaii: Time the Moments Until Your "Changeover"

johnb — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 10:57:46 EST

Trapped outside your submarine while zombie turtles rip and snap at your already tattered wet suit and SCUBA gear? Go down in style with the Bathy's 100 Fathom dive watch. Designed by a dude on Kauai who was looking for something to wear while threshing some gnarly waves—Is that the terminology? Now that the OC kids are either dead or shambling aimlessly through LA, hunting for Gucci enclosed arms on which to gnaw, we can never be sure—this watch is PVD coated to keep it corrosion free and features a Ronda quartz movement with big date and huge, lumed hands. The bright seconds hand will allow you to track the time until your congealing blood draws the sharks.

Product Page [Bathys]

Hemopurifier: Human-Powered Blood Filter

Joel — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 02:00:37 EST

Developed by Aethlon Medical (conveniently located in San Diego), the Hemopurifier is a "rolling-pin-size" unit designed initially to be used as a dialysis unit. After shunting the unit into your veins, the force of your circulation will push your blood through the device.

Fortunately for you and your loved ones, there is a small, but tantalizing chance that the Hemopurifier's plant-derived antibody filters could also be used to screen out the evil bits of RNA floating in the blood of the infected. (That is presuming, of course, that the scourge is medical in nature. We've heard rumors that the curse began as an touchscreen iPod announcement.)

If nothing else, the Hemopurifier would be a handy unit to have around to keep your blood clean of other diseases. There's nothing more disheartening than discovering you've survived Z-Day only to contract Ebola.

The Blood Cleaner [PopSci]

Crowd Control: Toro Lawn Boy 10367

Joel — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 01:08:51 EST

Once the slavering undead have broken in, it can be hard to clear them on out. But while you'll likely never have the luxury of mowing your verdant green lawn on a Sunday morning ever again, that neglected gas mower is the perfect tool for a little crowd control. With a patented Easy-Stride™ Self-Propel System that will reduce operator fatigue even as its 6.5 horsepower, 4-Cycle Tecumseh engine chops through rotting flesh and human bone, the Lawnboy 10367 is the ultimate zombie gelatinator. Featuring both a patented blade design that reduces mulching and also a side-discharge bag, you can spare yourself a messy clean-up by collecting the quivering slurry of the zombie horde as you mow.

Although Amazon is obviously no longer delivering, the Toro Company is located in Minnesota, which is still listed as a code yellow zone of infection according to the Homeland Security website. Better take the drive and grab one of these bad boys now, while you still can. That weed whacker just isn't going to do the same job when it counts.

Why not a bigger mower, you ask? Because when the shit really hits the fan, you'll have to reach your dainty digits inside either edge of the spinning blades and loft the Lawn Boy like a righteous, ichor-gobbling shield. Flexibility counts.

Catalog Page [Amazon]

Jetlagged? Turn Into a Zombie

Charlie White — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 01:04:49 EST

Researchers have discovered that half of the world's population is chronically jetlagged. Out of sync with daylight cycles, their circadian rhythms have dangerously slowed down their metabolic processes, making them feel as if they've just stepped from a trans-Pacific flight. Scientists from the Aguadeculo Institute of Metaphysical Research have concluded that the 50% of the living population that's been feeling so out-of-sync should consider turning into a zombie.

Studies have shown that wandering around in a daze being undead and not quite alive is much more energy-efficient condition than jetlag. Test subjects were comfortable with their new "lives" as zombies, making moaning noises; small, controlled movements; and following a Roomba-like weave that guaranteed the most area stalked utilizing the least amount of motility.

The researchers added that darkness-craving zombies are no less efficient in the cold, so long as they are prevented from being frozen solid. (Perfect for long-distance transport of the damned worker drones.)

Research: People in a Permanent State of Jet-Lag [Impact Lab]

Zombie Hand Holds Leash, Flips Bird for You

Charlie White — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 00:55:22 EST

If you get lonely walking that dog by yourself, why not get a genuine Zombie Hand to hold, keeping you company while you're out for a stroll? The hand has been carefully butchered from the decaying body of a vintage zombie in Haiti, and sanitized for your protection. Let the Zombie Hand do the work for you, holding onto the leash, gesturing approvingly to your pet, or even slowly and ominously flipping the bird to that annoying neighbor.

You don't have to worry about angry reprisals—tell them to talk to the hand, as it cracks through their sternum as if their chest is a gravy-filled pinata.

Correas de perros para dueños solitarios [valebestia]

Chomp! MDS Silver Bullet Rock Bucket

Joel — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 00:02:15 EST

Any large-wheeled vehicle is going to be useful in these last days, but you can take total advantage of your hot-wired tractor or bulldozer by adding on this MDS Silver Bullet Rock Bucket. Don't just press the fields of swaying, fetid unhumanity off to one side—masticate their bloated bodies, using the Silver Bullet's optional grapple fork to burst through the crackling ribs holding back geysers of vaporized gore.

Remember, the zombie you render headless today won't be pawing feebly at your barricades tomorrow.

Available at farm stores supply stores or in bulk at MDS's headquarters at 1301 South SD Hwy. 37, Parkston, South Dakota.

Product Page [MDSMFG]

Essentials: Snowpeak Titanium Spork

Joel — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 00:01:43 EST

Now that the zombie apocalypse is upon us, durability counts. The fuel-efficient hybrid that once seemed so green-friendly now seems like a poor substitute to an SUV with a snow plow attached as you try to crash your way through freeways pulsating with the rotting dead. And you've only got to see the flabby belly of a friend torn apart like lumps of play dough to start wishing you'd spent more time on your abs. What with the imminent global collapse of industry and all, you've really got to make your next few purchases count.

Luckily, Snowpeak is selling a titanium spork, perfect for the on-the-go survivor. Featuring three unbreakable teeth and a sturdy handle, it is perfect for both eating beans out of a rusty tin can or gouging into a zombie's eye. Also, check out the sleek design that features both a concavity and a convexity—use one side of the spoon for rainwater soup while using the other to send morse code flashes of light to other survivors! This spork will never rust or break, making it the perfect accessory to a nightmarish, post-apocalyptic life!

And even if you happen to fall prey to the foaming jaws of former loved ones, this spork will still prove a good investment: it is perfect not only for cracking open the thick skull of your victims, but also to scoop out the delicious goo inside! An absolute steal at $8.89. (Pro Tip: Just steal it.)

Catalog Page [TadGear]

Neptunic Bite-Proof Sharksuits

Joel — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 00:01:33 EST

Even though most of the world has already fallen pray to the horrific events of Z-Day, some are using their pre-apocalyptic skill set to survive—and even thrive—in this new hell on earth. Jeremiah Sullivan has found unrivaled demand for his Neptunic full-body anti-bite sharksuits that not only keep the wearer free from the piercing fangs of their reanimated loved ones, but also keep the majority of purported 'infection' away from the skin. (Gizombo does not necessarily endorse the 'blood-of-the-damned-borne' theory, but still.)

Unfortunately for consumers (or the consumed), Sullivan's Neptunic suits were previous built-to-order. Here's hoping they'll ramp up production as soon as possible, because we'd love to be able to wear a Neptunic while fighting our way to the corner pharmacy for more 'medicine.' Or perhaps a pink model suitable (ha ha!) for this year's previous home to drool-covered shamblers, the prom.

Product Page [Neptunic]

Crowd Control: Stihl HT 100 Pole Pruner

Joel — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 00:01:30 EST

While it's too late to assemble a proper bug-out bag, we hope for the sake of your easily-pierced flesh that you've already bugged—you're still going to need to grab a few supplies if you want to survive this god-forsaken apocalypse. And what's the easiest way to get what you need? Cutting right to it.

Some would suggest the ubiquitous chainsaw—we like the Stihl MS460 Rescue Saw with handy gore-proof muffler shield—and those are certainly going to be easier to find. But if fortune smiles, liberate yourself the Stihl HT 100 Pole Pruner. Its nearly six-foot reach keeps the gnashing teeth of the walking dead away from your person, a welcome trade-off for its relatively short blade length. (And we prefer the HT 100 over the HT 101, as the 101's telescoping pole makes it less structurally suitable for bludgeoning.)

Readers in Virginia Beach may find it useful to head towards the almost-certainly-zombie-free Stihl plant at 536 Viking Drive.

Product Page [StihlUSA.com]