[CollegeHumor]

Well, the actual response was a little less Victorian (as reported by Wired Epicenter):

"Basically, what happened last week, Steve [Ballmer] said a couple of things about the category," said Adam Sohn, head of Microsoft's Zune marketing division, causing speculation that Microsoft would stop making Zunes. However, he clarified, "we're not getting out of the hardware business at all," adding that Microsoft is "deeply committed" to continuing to its Zune hardware strategy.

For what it's worth, this is a direct statement from Microsoft—the crux of last week's Financial Times story was not found in a direct quote, but rather in a section of analysis. Says the FT:

[The future of the Zune] lies in planting the software and online service linked to the player in other devices.

Given that music phones have long since come of age, such a strategy—whereby the Zune is a software platform primarily intended for the multitude of Windows Mobile handsets—would make sense. But for now at least, the standalone Zune seems to have some time left. [Wired Epicenter—Thanks, Joel!]

Both the Ibiza Rhapsody Mini and Ibiza Rhapsody Touch are equipped with Wi-Fi capabilities for content browsing and instant downloading. While they are still working on getting YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter accessibility, the Mini and Touch are already set to go with Rhapsody, Flick, Audible, and Internet radio.

Although both MP3 players will be 3.5x2.0x0.4 inches—and will come in sizes ranging from 8GB-32GB—the Mini has a 2.2-inch color screen with a four way d-pad and supports MP3, AAC and WMA, while the Touch is equipped with a 2.8-inch touch screen, bluetooth connectivity, and is able to play MPEG-4, H.264, VC-1 and DiVX 3/4/5, and stream stereo audio.

Stay tuned as there is still no word on pricing or release date. [CNet]

The crisis has been dubbed by Zune users 'Z2K9', due to the apparently synchronized faceplantings across the country. According to tipster Michael, the Zune users experienced something like this:

Apparently, around 2:00 AM today, the Zune models either reset, or were already off. Upon when turning on, the thing loads up and... freezes with a full loading bar (as pictured above). I thought my brother was the only one with it, but then it happened to my Zune. Then I checked out the forums and it seems everyone with a 30GB HDD model has had this happen to them

This report is consistently corroborated by literally hundreds of others across the various Zune support and fan forums.

What hasn't emerged yet, largely due to the fact that MS's support lines aren't yet open for the day, is why these devices are failing. The evidence seems to point to a software glitch, but simple resets aren't providing any relief. Some reports indicate that only Zunes with the latest firmware are affected, but this hasn't yet been confirmed.

The proximity of the events to the New Year, which inspired the Y2K9 moniker, provides little more than a colorful backdrop; it's unlikely that the switching of years in the Zune's internal calendar has anything to do with the failures (besides, it hasn't even happened yet).

If not for the uniform representation of events across the internet, I'd be tempted to suspect this as a hoax, but it just doesn't look that way. The story, assuming the described problem is of the magnitude reported, will probably take a turn for the large when the majority of Zuners start waking up. Let us know about your experiences in the comments. [Zunescene, ZuneBoards, Zune.net—Thanks, Michael, Josh, Ben and others]

Update: We've got a DIY fix to revive slain Zunes.

Update: Reader Bill Bradski (Bill Brasky?) has summed up the situation thusly:

Update 2: Here's Microsoft's official response for the time being (it's clear they just woke up and probably haven't even flipped on their coffee pots yet):

We are aware that customers with the Zune 30GB are experiencing issues with their Zune device. We are actively working now to isolate the issue and develop a solution to address it. We will keep customers informed on next steps via the support page on zune.net (zune.net/support).

Microsoft's just slapped together a pair of special edition Zunes for both the Republican and the Democratic National Conventions and they look pretty damn great. The one for the DNC is awarded for the winner of the "Green Delegate Challenge", which is contest for delegations that "demonstrate the highest level of commitment to offsetting their carbon footprint from attending the Convention.". Theirs has a nice looking tree on the back. The RNC's, on the other hand, just has the blurb about environmental stuff as well as the picture of the RNC logo. Oh, and it's red, not green. [Thanks Crecente!]

You can picture the scene. A kid was caught on surveillance camera shooting a guy in a Bronx elevator. The kid tells the NYPD detective that he'd been threatened. The detective was cool with that but wanted to grill the guy for extra info, like what happened to the gun. The trouble was, this whole chat was operating outside the whole "Miranda rights" space. The detective knew this, saying "Our conversation right now does not exist." And it would have disappeared into the wispy past had it not been for an MP3 player in the kid's pocket, a Christmas gift from a few days earlier, which had a Record button.

The shooter captured the whole chat, which he later burned to CD and distributed in court. Now the detective is up for 12 felony counts of perjury (for having denied the conversation ever took place) and the kid, who's best option was originally a plea-bargain of 15 years, was suddenly offered one for just 7 years.

Is this justice? Or is this injustice? More importantly, what MP3 player was it? This was December 2005, the unnamed MP3 player was red, and there was one-touch or some other very easy recording capability, so it wasn't an iPod. Nor was it an unborn Zune, what the rocket scientists at ABC News used to illustrate this story. Let's hear your best armchair forensics guesswork. [NYT]

First, there's a $330 unit available in four colors, with 30GB hard drive and Bluetooth for wireless headphones and A2DP streaming. It will also have an FM radio and "custom skinning" for a personalized UI. Next up, in the "near future" will be a $230 4GB flash-based model, and a $250 8GB one. Neither of those will have Bluetooth. Prices don't include Rhapsody portable subscription, which at last check was $15 per month.

In addition to browsing all of Rhapsody's content, you can pick up free AOL Video clips, subscribe to podcasts directly from the device, and update firmware without going to a PC. [Rhapsody and Haier via Electronista]