Bookworms who've balked at upgrading to an e-reader have a long list of reasons why they won't give up their paper copies. But there's only one real reason why anyone would carry around a book anymore: It lets them show off what they're reading in public. And as The Onion reveals, that's what led Amazon to create a new version of the Kindle that shouts the title of your current book so everyone knows how well read you are.

The Kindle Flare will sadly never see the light of day, but the next time you see someone on the subway reading a printed tome, you'll know they'd certainly appreciate its built in speaker that loudly and repeatedly announces what they're reading—because without the book's cover visible, how will those nearby be impressed with what they've chosen? [The Onion]