The Xbox One boasts a lengthy feature list that Microsoft hopes will entice gamers over to its side of the console war for the next few years. But as The Onion points out, none are as impressive as the next-gen console's innovative voice commands that make it easier than ever for the hardware to control its users.

From suggesting what games to play, to even instructing gamers to look back at the TV if the Kinect senses they've gotten distracted. It's everything Microsoft has ever wanted for your living room.