Guy-who-won't-win Rick Santorum has a new weapon in his arsenal against Space Admiral Newt Gingrich: a radio attack ad damning Newt's moon base as financially irresponsible. The moon base is this election's pivotal issue—is the dream dead?

In addition to regular insanity, the ad blasts Newt's space vision as "fiscal insanity," citing a $500 billion price tag and a lot of self-evidently crazy talk about lunar statehood. Santorum, on the other hand, "opposed all of the bailouts"—and we all know a Space State would need a lot of bailing out, once the Rock Digging Robots tried to unionize and Dust Lung caused clamoring for moon-wide health care.

But laugh all you want, Rick—once the gays have taken over earth, what else will we do but point our heads skyward and wish there were a 51st state up there waiting for us? [Rick Santorum]