Now that the fine folks at Fleshlight have made a fuckable iPad case, it's a good time for a crash course in how to clean your, um, personal fluids off of Cyberskin. Cyberskin, yeah. That's the official name for the stuff. I'm getting hot just thinking about it!
All joking aside, Cyberskin does feel pretty great and I know that because I hosted an event to promote my book, My Boyfriend Barfed In My Handbag … And Other Things You Can't Ask Martha, at Babeland and absolutely could not stop fingerbanging the Fleshlight display model. In fairness, I was obviously not the only one, because Lord Almighty, that thing was filthy.
Which is a nice segue into what we're really here to talk about today: How to clean your Fleshlight.
The first thing to know about the Fleshlight is that the part that you pork is made of mineral oil, which is a fussy material that will not play nicely with most cleaning products. The best way to care for your Fleshlight is to wipe it down after every use with a rag or washcloth soaked in hot, hot water and wrung out well. The flesh part of it comes out of its hard plastic casing and is open on both ends, which allows users to turn it inside out for cleaning purposes.
If you absolutely must use soap, you may, but please do so sparingly with the knowledge that over time the application of soap to Cyberskin will cause it to deteriorate. Avoiding oil-based lubes is also suggested, since it will also cause the Fleshlight material to deteriorate in a similar way. The same goes for isopropyl alcohol—that's the rubbing stuff—and any products that contain it. Which is, like, everything so be sure to read the ingredients list on any product you're thinking about using on your Fleshlight.
If the idea of only using water to clean your sex toy doesn't seem sanitary enough for you, and you don't want to take the risk of ruining your fuck buddy by using even a minimal amount of soap, you could buy Fleshwash, which is designed specifically for the cleaning of Cyberskin. It uses Triclosan as its primary antibacterial ingredient. Triclosan, which is one of the active ingredients found in hand sanitizer, is a controversial substance that may or may not be harmful to humans, which I mention because I feel like it's important to note that something that might potentially come in contact with your dong may or may not cause it to shrivel up and fall off.
It also bears mentioning that you should not use hand san to clean your Fleshlight, as it contains alcohol. Other things you definitely should not do are boil it or microwave it. Those are no-nos.
When it comes time to dry the thing shake out as much water as possible and then let it air dry. You can stick it in front of a fan or AC unit to help speed the process along, or you can thread a slender towel (like one of those nice microfiber cloths, or a flour sack dish towel) through its length to wick away moisture. If you use a case for your Fleshlight, leave the ends open post-washing and drying so that air will circulate and prevent any residual moisture from getting trapped.
If you notice that your Fleshlight has lost some of its softness, which will happen both because you're screwing the thing and also because you've washed it, apply some cornstarch to it, which will make it feel new again and help to restore its virtual virtue, so to speak.
Jolie Kerr is the author of the book My Boyfriend Barfed In My Handbag … And Other Things You Can't Ask Martha (Plume) which contains tips on cleaning Fleshlights, as well as just about every other kind of sex toy out there. Her cleaning advice column, Squalor, appears on Jezebel and Deadspin on alternating weeks. You can also find her on Twitter, Kinja, and Tumblr.