This is infuriating. I can't reply to Chernobyl.

@Chernobyl: Wow, I'm an idiot. My laptop is actually between the Min and Recommended specs.
I read the Recommended as required.
Re-installing!
Thanks for making me double-check.

#whitenoise
@DoubtedBeef: Any time, you can pay me in American currency, unmarked non-sequential.

#whitenoise
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