NFL commentator Rich Eisen has, for reasons unknown, created a dating app for football fans. And if the only good it brings the world is this joyously unhinged review from KissingSuzyKolber's PFTCommenter, it will have been worth it. Read it below, in all its [sic]'d glory:
Its no secret Im pretty picky when it comes to who I’ll watch a NFL game with,, I need a intellegent NFL partner to knock back a fifth of Wild Irish rose before the 1 PM games start and it doesnt hurt if they’ve got legs for days if there a chick. But I ‘ve been striking out recently on ChristianMingle, Ashley Madison, and OkCupid, and BlackPeopleMeet, and JDate, and all the other standard dating platforms because no one on those sights are sportsfans and I was completely turned off by all the chicks on there who woudnt respond to my messages.
Today my wish came true as Rich Eisen unveiled his new App for the common Fanatics- its called “Free Agent” lol pretty cool name for a app that will let me”Franchise Tag” some tail hopefully. Anyways I signed up, the beauty of it is you can hit on chicks who like sports (which seems like its getting rarer and rarer these days) or you can just find a cool pal to catch a game with in your mancave.
You can try 2 find me on there my user name is PFTCommenter and Im down for pretty much anything folks if your a chick and want to cyber during halftime of the Sunday Night Game.
The app has some kinks in it like it crashes all the time if you try 2 find other people to talk to and you need to delete it then reinstall pretty much every 10 minutes but other than that its a breeze. Let me walk you through the signup process:
First you tell them whom your favorite team is,, I wanted to make this more detailed so they offer a custom field where I put my need to have a partner who doesnt have commitment issues to stopping the run in the playoffs.
This next ones a nobrainer obviously:
Next they ask you to fill out a little more about yourself.
You have to be careful when you put this info in so its
- makes you look desirable, and
- you also need to be careful because if you press half the buttons in the app it fataly breaks and you need to delete it and reinstall it. This is a pretty common technique in dating sites since it weeds out all the folks who dont have attention to detail or if they arent fully committed.
So now its time to go cruise for some chicks or some guys to watch football with. You gotta throw a few lines out there and see how it plays. You cant be afraid to take a shot downfield at the bikini chick.
No answer. Looks like I struck out, most girls dont know what snapchat is so talking tech with them is a good way to scare them off. So I dialed it back commited to fundamentals and tried to find a bro or two.
I did end up connecting with one. Hes a Ravens fan- screen name “Player” lol. Were going 2 meet up later and catch some NFL action so I can pick his brain and get his thoughts on Joe Flacco.
Feeling pretty good about myself I decided to run a play action now that Ive set up the run and try to find a babe across the middle. Then I found Adreeza.
Her profile said she was a “Stealers” fan but thas cool Im not a big speller either. I kept it light and started thing’s off with a joke:
SMH who doesnt know Big Ben? She likes my bod though so Maybe heres a teachable moment:
She liked my insider info so its time to get down to brass tacks:
Im in love. Thanks Rich Eisen for filling a gap that every NFL fan needed in there lives. Yes thing are kindve heating up between me and Adreeza so Im pretty much of the market. Not saying I wont leave the door open but I mean come on. While I was writeing this article the App crashed 4 times.
So if your sleepless in Seadderal, or want to be a San Francisco 69er, Rich Eisens NFL dating and bromance app “Free Agent” is the way to go. Even the heavyweights in the NFL game are on it.
Republished with permission from the good and funny people at KissingSuzyKolber.